


Infuriating Infatuation

by Best_Kind_of_Insanity



Series: Trouble in a vial [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, F/M, Love Potion/Spell, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2020-12-28 13:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21137558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Best_Kind_of_Insanity/pseuds/Best_Kind_of_Insanity
Summary: Trying to have some sort of a relationship after years of insults and embarrassments, is not as effortless as Lena might like to pretend it is. If she wasn't momentarily suffering from brain incapacity as an unfortunate side-effect from her deep infatuation, she might have already given up on the big hassle that is Sirius Black.  But she's not ready to accept the dreadful possibility that this thing between them isn't going to flourish into anything other than a big mistake.





	1. Catastrophic Communication

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend to write a sequel to Bottled Obsession but some of the comments pointed out that Lena and Sirius would have a hard time managing a relationship, considering their tumultuous past. Despite the semi-open ending I wrote, I couldn't help contemplating what the issues would be they'd still have to work through. And then Lena sort of took over from there.

"I did a stupid thing," I whine pathetically to April as I settle down on my bed.

"Not that unusual," She shrugs while continuing to flip through the magazine in her lap.

It's not quite the sympathy I had been hoping for but I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from my best friend.

"Do you want to hear it?" I ask, hopeful that she'll at the very least let me vent to her. None of my other friends are around. Mackenzie is probably making out with Alexander in some broom cupboard - that has surprisingly already lasted much longer than any of us would have thought, including Mac herself - and Nora is working on some side project for extra credit in Transfiguration. I'd call her a nerd for it, if I wasn't involved in a similar project for Charms myself.

"Not if it's something that happens on a monthly basis," She raises a pointed eyebrow at me.

Well, that does limit the possibilities.

"Trust me, it's a whole new kind of stupidity," I sigh sadly.

"Okay, I'm listening," April puts aside Witch Weekly and looks at me with high expectations for amusement at my expense.

"So, you know how me and Sirius have been..." What's the right word I'm looking for? "...that?"

Close enough.

"Uhuh," April huffs, not that intrigued in the story anymore.

While Mackenzie has apparently always been a fan of Sirius and I becoming... that - I should probably come up with a clearer term - and Nora, sweet, supportive Nora, has been very supportive, of course, April has not hidden her discontent about the whole thing. She's made it very clear that she doesn't like my decision to give this thing between me and Sirius Black a try. We haven't really had a fight about it but she's disapproving of the whole thing. I can't exactly blame her for it either. Looking at the facts objectively, I'm not so sure it's a wise thing either. But unfortunately, I feel the way I do and even my best friend's warnings can't change that.

"Him being the stupid thing you're doing?" She nods.

"Haha," I roll my eyes. "No."

"So what did he do?" She narrows her eyes at me.

"Nothing," I'm a little too quick to defend him. "Okay, so he was being an idiot and that made me do stupid shit but I'm pretty sure even you can't blame this on him."

The idiocy of it all is entirely on me, though Sirius didn't exactly help either.

"Start talking," April nods.

"Well, me and Sirius have been... going on dates."

That's a euphemism if I ever heard one. Since we decided to give this thing between us a go over one week ago, we haven't really hung out much. We've spend time together aplenty but about 95% percent of the time it consists of making out, all the time, at any place. And it's been - okay, I can honestly say Sirius Black is probably the King of making out and it's really, really hot. But in between all the kissing and - let's face it - groping, we haven't really had a lot of conversations. With the exception of today and that pretty much just pointed out that not talking is probably what we're best at and should stick to. Unfortunately, a relationship is about a hell of a lot more than just humping each other in a broom cupboard.

"Yeah?"

"And today, he comes up to me and tells me he cancelled his date with Farah Silverton for this Saturday."

"Because you asked him to?"

"No, because I'm pretty sure he expected a pat on the back for it, tell him he did a good job by making the first step towards monogamy," I scoff angrily.

It's not that he cancelled the date - he said he wanted to give us a go so of course that would mean not dating other people - but it was the way he said it. Like he was so flexible and grand for making space in his agenda for me, by not going out with another girl. The audacity of it all.

"What did you say?"

What I should have said is that it's only normal he doesn't go on dates with other girls if he wants to persuade me of being serious about us, that while I appreciate the action, I don't appreciate the emotional manipulation behind his confession. That's what I should have said. So of course I did something completely different.

"That's kind of where the idiocy shifted from him to me," I wince.

"What did you say?" She repeats firmly.

"I figured I'd be totally nonchalant about it..."

"Bad idea."

"Well, I know that now!" I scoff.

Not so much in the heat of the moment, where my biggest concern was not to let Sirius see how... annoyed? hurt? pissed off? I was at him expecting a teary-eyed thank you for cancelling a date.

"So what did you do?" April sighs impatiently.

"I said it was fine if cancelling dates is what he wanted to do..."

"Well, that doesn't sound too terrible-"

"And then I asked him if he expected the same from me."

"Lena! That sounds like-"

"Like I have a side-piece for every finger on my hand. I know! But it just came out! And then Sirius said: 'no, you don't have to. I'm not opposed to that.'!"

"Wait," She frowns, looking as baffled as I did internally when he uttered those words. "As in...?"

"Yep, I'm pretty sure me and Sirius are now in an open relationship where it's totally okay to hook up with other people."

Not quite where I had wanted that conversation to go but when have things between the two of us every gone my way?

"You better tell him th-"

"Oh, that not even the worst part. There's more," I whine miserably. "I tried to fix it by saying something along the lines of 'cool' or 'awesome', you know, like the socially stunted teenager I am. And then I told him I didn't mind sharing as long as I'd still be included."

"For Merlin's sake, Lena," April sighs in annoyance. "Learn to think before you speak."

"So then he smirked 'like a treesome?'," I continue. "to which I made a non-comprehensible sound that can apparently be viewed as agreement."

Sirius definitely considered it to be me agreeing to hooking up with each other and another girl in the mix. Not at all what I wanted to convey.

"Please tell me you had the good sense to say no and tell him to keep his paws off other people if he wants to keep going at it with you."

It would have been really great if that could have left my mouth.

"I was going to," I wince. "But then..."

"Then what? He bat his eyelashes at you and you agreed to share him with every witch at Hogwarts? What is it about the guy that renders even you incapable of going in against him?!"

"Harsh," I mutter under my breath.

"I'm sorry," She sighs as she frustratingly combs a hand through her hair. "It just really annoys me how you make it so easy for him to take advantage of you."

I don't think that's what he does. Maybe that's just my naivety talking or wishful thinking, but I don't believe Sirius is just laughing behind my back about how gullible I am. We're just both way in over our heads in this thing.

"So you were going to," She helpfully continues the story for me. "But then...?"

"He looked happy."

"Huh?"

"When I unknowingly agreed to polygamy and threeways, he seemed kind of pleased with that, and maybe relieved?"

"Of course he did. Two women in his bed is exactly every guy's ultimate fantasy."

That might be true, in theory, but I'm pretty sure that if April proposed such an arrangement to Hector, he'd be anything but smiling at it.

"Or maybe that's the only way he can be in a relationship," I shrug. "It's not cheating if I give my consent."

"Except that you didn't."

"He thinks I did."

"Tell him otherwise!"

"What if he won't agree to a one-girl-rule?" I sigh.

"Then he can't have this girl," April angrily shoves a finger in my face. "Right?"

Right. As a self-respecting girl who has no intention of involuntarily entering a non-monogamous relationship, that's exactly what I should tell him.

"Then it's over," I mutter, not convincing either one of us.

"Please tell me you won't put up with it?!!" April shrieks.

"Calm down. I wouldn't. Of course, I wouldn't. It's just that..." I sigh. "I don't want it to be over."

"Look, Lena. I don't like Black at all. Why do you look surprised? I don't, Lena. He doesn't deserve you one bit. But I can grow to accept his presence in your life if he makes you happy. But if he's unworthy and he makes you miserable, he's out."

That all makes perfect sense and if I wasn't suffering from brain incapacity every time the guy smiles at me, I'd totally agree but all I hear now is the dreadful possibility that this thing between Sirius and I isn't going to flourish into anything other than a big mistake.

"Right?" April insists.

"Okay, okay, you're right. I wouldn't actually stand for it but... how do I explain monogamy to him in a way that makes him want to agree to it?"

I don't know what I'd do if he doesn’t.

"Remind him that he already agreed to it when he asked you to give you guys a chance, never once was it implied that it would be anything other than a relationship by normal, exclusive standards."

"Yeah," I agree, she's so good at coming up with arguments. If only I could do the same in front of Sirius. "Now let's hope I remember how to pronounce words when I'm trying to have a conversation with him."

"Do you want to write it down?" She scoffs.

"That's not a bad idea," I hum out loud. That way if I fail to talk, I can just hand him the note.

"I'll get quill and parchment," April sighs. 

***

I was going to tell him. I really was. I had the note in hand, speech practiced and everything. I made my way over to the Gryffindor Table at breakfast, ignoring Polly and the likes' glares, determined to make it very clear to Sirius that this thing between us is monogamous or nothing at all. And then, my plan went down the drain.

"Hi, Lena," Remus pleasantly greets me as I stand by their table.

"Hey, guys."

James smiles back at me, which is heavily overshadowed by the red-head sitting next to him, glaring me to death as passionately as all of Sirius's fangirls. Yeah, I don't see her attitude towards me changing any time soon... or, at all. I don't get why she's still so freaking hostile towards me. I'm not after James, I'm hooking up with his best friend. I don't see how that doesn't make it obvious that I'm not plotting anything to steal her boyfriend. 

"Just the girl I'm looking for," Sirius grins at me as he pulls me to sit down between him and Peter.

"Really?" I ask him as I allow him to put his arm over my shoulder and pull me into his side, I know I'm going to pay for this public sign of affection as soon as I return to my dorm. Polly hasn't been as forgiving as I was about the whole love potion mix-up.

"Remember Peter's birthday?"

"Euhm..." No?

"It's his birthday tomorrow," Remus clarifies.

"Oh, Happy Birthday then," I nod. "Well, almost anyway."

"Thanks" Peter mutters, awkward at suddenly being the centre of attention.

"So, what are you hoping to get f-"

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius nonchalantly interrupts my question. "What's more important is that we're having a party."

"Okay..."

"Of course, you're invited," Sirius huffs in amusement.

"Of course?" I ask.

"In fact, we're inviting all the 7th and 6th year students, except for the Slytherins of course," Sirius simply continues. "Obviously, that means the Ravenclaws as well."

So not that special then.

"And most importantly, we want you-"

Wait, perhaps I was wrong?

"-to specifically invite Marsha Brawl."

Nope, I wasn't.

"Who?"

I don't know who that is. If she's a stranger, how am I supposed to invite her? And why exactly does it have to be me?

"You know, the sixth year Ravenclaw girl with the black curls?" Sirius gestures wildly to the top of his head, imitating what I suppose are meant as wild curls but instead look like tree branches, elbowing me between the ribs in the process.

"I told you," Remus sighs. "I don't think that's her name."

"Oh, come on, I've seen you talk to her," Sirius sighs. "She's a little taller than you, thinner as well-"

"Excuse me?" I gasp.

Did he just call me fat? Or at the very least, not as fit as this Marsha girl?

"Oh, you know what I meant," He waves away my insulted tone. "I think she's a prefect?"

"No, she's not," Peter interjects. "She just really likes following the rules."

"Pfff, Ravenclaws," Sirius scoffs.

Is he fucking kidding me?!

"It's the hottie sitting over there," He points towards a pretty black-haired girl with curls sitting at my House's table.

"That's Martha Brown!" I sigh in annoyance.

"Right, that's what I said," Sirius shrugs.

"Anyway," At least James seems to pick up on my increasing anger at the idiot sitting next to me. "Peter has a crush on her so it would be really great if you could make sure she attends."

"Peter likes her, yet none of you knew her name?" I scoff.

How big a crush can it be?

"It's just a name," Sirius shrugs. "Go ask her if she'll be there, go on!"

He nearly shoves me off the bench in his insistence that I go ask her right now. I'm more than happy to get away from here but that doesn't give him the right to shoo me away like some disobedient dog.

"Freaking thin ice, Black!" I snarl at him as I march back to the Ravenclaw table.

"What's up with her?" I still hear him ask his friends behind my back and I grit my teeth together to make sure I don't look back and hex him for his stupidity. Is he that inconsiderate or just plain rude?

At least my friends are intuitive enough to see how freaking pissed I am as I sit down next to them and start chopping up my bacon like it just called me fat and pushed me off the bench.

"Are you okay?" Nora tentatively asks when it's clear I'm not going to spill the beans on my own.

"I'm peachy," I snap angrily. "Other than the fact that I'm collateral company, fat and a goody-two-shoes!"

"Euhm..." None of them seem to know what the right response is to that. I'm not sure there is one.

"Did Black say something to you?" April asks, just as cautious as Nora, though for different reasons. She knows I'll only put up with her bad-mouthing Sirius for a number of minutes per day and she was definitely over her quota yesterday. Right now, I'd kind of welcome trash talking the idiot though.

"Oh no," I scoff sarcastically. "He just said Brown is fitter than me, then proceeded to call her a hottie, but only after ellbowing me, pushing me off the bench and insulting all Ravenclaws in one breath."

"Wow, that's a bad morning," Nora winces sympathetically.

“That’s an idiot, is what he is,” April scoffs, and then flushes, checking out my reaction to her words.

Well, at least she’s clearly willing to make more of an effort. If only the same could be said about the unfortunate object of my affections. If this is his idea of wooing me, he’s in desperate need of tutoring. 

“He must have spoken to girls before, right?” I ask them. “Or just people in general?”

Because his social skills are seriously lacking at the moment. How did he ever make friends and charm girls if this is how he treats other people? Or is it just me? How very lucky am I.

“Perhaps he simply didn’t realise how his words came across?” Mac tries to defend him. She almost spends as much time doing that as I do. That should probably tell me something. 

Before I can ask them if they think Sirius’ odd behaviour will blow over or that it is sadly the kind of person he must be, I feel something gooey smack me on the arm. I glance down to my right to see a piece of omelette slide down. Ieuw. 

“Did Sirius just throw egg at you?” Nora frowns, as confused as I am.

When I turn around to the Gryffindor table, I see that Sirius does indeed appear to be the person who decided it was a good idea to stick their breakfast to my skin, looking not at all apologetic but rather giddy and impatient. Is he fucking kidding me?!

As he catches my eye, he enthusiastically gestures in the direction of Martha Brown, who’s sitting a few seats further down our table. I give him a harsh glare, that I suspect he does not understand the reasons of but still turn to the sixth year girls sitting next to Nora.

“Hey, guys,” I call for their attention. “The Gryffindors are having a birthday party for Peter Pettigrew and inviting all the seventh and sixth year Ravenclaws. It’s tomorrow evening. Will you girls be there?”

I can’t believe that even after Sirius’ despicable behaviour, I am still doing him a favour. April is right. The guy is messing with me. 

“Of course,” The sixth year Ravenclaw girls including Martha nod happily. “There are hardly any parties at Hogwarts. We certainly wouldn’t want to miss it.”

“Good,” I nod, content that at least I’m a decent human being. 

I fully plan on turning back around and giving Sirius a thumbs up, even if he doesn’t deserve it, when I once again feel the same sensation on my skin, this time at the back off my neck. He threw an omelette at me, again?!!

Not checking to see what could possibly be that important this time, I angrily grab an apple from my own table and fling it in his direction, hoping it will knock some common sense into the bloke. Unfortunately I don’t have his aiming skills and the apple ends up hitting Lily Evans in the teeth instead. Oh, fuck!

She clutches her mouth with both hands as an insuppressibly grunt of pain comes from her side of the table. 

“Miss Pellt!” Professor McGonagall, who seems to have appeared out of thin air as I’m sure she was nowhere near here a few seconds ago, scolds me coldly. “We do not throw around with food, nor do we intentionally injure our fellow students.”

“I’m sorry, Professor,” I wince guiltily. 

“Five points from Ravenclaw. And I will see you in detention on Monday.”

“Yes, Professor,” I hold in the frustrated groan until she walks away again, tending to a very angry Lily Evans who is bleeding from the mouth and glaring at me as though I just… well, staged a fruit attack on her perfectly straight teeth. Perhaps the Head Girl does have a reason to hate me.


	2. Abysmal Arrangement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Carolinka, for replying on the previous chapter. I too prefer the relationships to be more realistic, and especially in this case that means difficulties to work through, Hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

“Aren’t you ready yet?” Mac frowns at me as she returns from the bathroom, looking like she just walked out of a catalogue. How does she manage to do that in thirty minutes? I couldn’t pull that off in thirty days. 

“I’m ready,” I point towards my baggy pants and old shirt with holes in it.

“You’re going to the party dressed like that?” She scoffs. 

“Oh, that,” I huff. “I’m not going.”

“I thought you agreed to go?” Nora puts in her two cents from her side of the room, where she’s just putting the final touches on her outfit. 

“I changed my mind,” I shrug. “You guys go have fun, I’ll be reading my book.”

“Chicken,” Mac mutters very clearly under her breath. 

Oh, fine, I’m a chicken. I’m at peace with that, as long as I don’t have to go to Peter Pettigrew’s birthday party. 

“Insulting me is not going to make me change my mind again.”

For obvious reasons, I have no intention of going to this party. Not only was I not given the courtesy of an explicit, individual invitation, but I have no desire to spend more time with Sirius right now. I still have to talk to him about the open relationship he thinks I agreed to but I actually want no part of. With the way things have been going between us, I fear he might just take that as the out he’s been looking for, or the proof that this was a terrible idea to begin with. 

“Why aren’t you dressed?” April shouts at me as soon as she walks into our dorm.

“She’s not going,” Mac grins happily, knowing full well April will not be pleased with that. 

“The hell you are!” She scoffs. “You’re going to this party, even if I have to drag you by your hair in that hideous outfit. You’re joining the celebrations and you are going to make it clear to Black that cheating is not an option, and I suggest you do it before he shags all the female guests.”

Hmmm, that’s a good point actually. People get drunk and make out at parties. If I don’t want Sirius to be doing that with anyone other than me, I should probably be there. 

“Fine,” I huff, before getting off the bed and shuffling towards my trunk, hoping I can fish out a half-decent outfit. “But I’m not going to have fun.”

“Fine by me, I don’t care about that. I just want you to clarify to Black that I’ll be well within my rights to hex him if he hurts you.”

“So it’s really all about you?” I snort. 

“Of course,” She nods. “But also, I’m trying to look out for you because when it comes to that guy, you suck at it.”

Unfortunately, she’s right. 

“Okay, give me ten minutes and I’ll be ready.”

Nora and April agree to wait on me in the common room but Mackenzie isn’t moving one inch. 

“You don’t have to stay,” I tell her as I get out of my sweats and slip into the standard black dress I found in my trunk. “I’ll be ready real quick.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,” She winces. “Your idea of getting ready is slipping on that rag.”

“Hey! What’s wrong with my dress?” I pout. “It was a Christmas gift from my dad.”

“Exactly, which means it was intended for chase family dinners, it’s not the kind of dress to seduce a guy in.”

“Who said anything about seducing?” I frown. 

“Please, Lena, don’t be stupid. It’s easy to catch Sirius Black’s attention but a lot harder to keep it.”

“Thanks,” I snap sarcastically. 

“What I meant, is that you have his attention now and I genuinely think you’re the only one who can keep it longer than anyone else. But you should at the very least make an effort and not show up in a dress only fit for your grandmother’s funeral.”

I glance down at the dress. I don’t see what’s wrong with it. Black is a perfectly good dress for any occasion, including a funeral I suppose, but the dress that comes mid-calf and the poufy shoulders and the loose waist and– okay, she may have a point.

“I don’t have anything else to wear,” I frown. “And only ten minutes to get ready.”

“I can work with that,” She smiles evilly, which doesn’t predict much good for me. 

As expected, I leave the dorm looking very different from what I had in mind. Mac borrowed me a tight black skirt – see, black is a good colour – and combined it with a red sleeveless shirt. She did my make-up and my hair half-up. I think I look good, and the other girls seem to agree. Maybe this is what I need to convince Sirius to make the necessary sacrifices if he wants to be with me. 

We get to the corridor on the seventh floor, like the invitation indicated but it looks pretty abandoned to me. The four of us stand there for a couple of minutes, before James Potter seems to appear out of nowhere. 

“Good evening, ladies. You all look wonderful tonight,” He smiles charmingly at us. “To get to the party venue I would like to ask you to put on these blindfolds.”

We all frown at the black tissues he’s holding out for us to grab. 

“Don’t worry. My considerate girlfriend put a spell on them so they don’t mess up your make-up.”

“Remind me to thank Lily for that,” Mackenzie is the first to grab a blindfold and put it on.

Nora and April grab one quickly as well but I’m a little sceptic about it. 

“Come on, Lena,” James dangles the blindfold in front of me. “Have a little faith.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” I grab the cloth but don’t put it on just yet. “This could be the perfect set-up for a prank.”

I remember very well how awful their pranks end for me. I don’t think having a thing with Sirius protects me from that. 

“It could be,” He grins. “Only one way to find out.”

“I don’t like this,” I scoff before eventually putting on the blindfold. 

I still hear him laugh as I rob myself of my eyesight. As he tells us to hold on to each other, I feel Nora grab my left hand and a more calloused one grab my right. James pulls me along, and I pull along my friends, through a couple of hallways until he suddenly lets go again. A moment later his hand is back and I let him pull us through a door that brings us to the party, judging by the music and other people talking around us. 

We all take off the blindfold when James tells us to and find ourselves in a big room, obviously dressed up for a party. I see some familiar Hufflepuffs in the distance but no sign of the other Marauders. What I do see is Lily Evans walk up towards us, looking rather pissed. 

“Hi Lily,” Nora happily greets her. 

They’re prefects together so they must know each other, and also like each other. At least more than Evans likes me but I don’t think that’s a hard thing to accomplish. 

“Hey Nora,” She smiles friendly at my friend and then turns her gaze to my hand… which is still being held by James’. 

We quickly retreat both our hands and put an extra feet between us just for good measure when we realise why she’s looking like someone stole all her Halloween candy. Because I’m holding hands with her boyfriend, and I also threw an apple at her face not even two days ago. 

“Lily flower,” James smiles brightly at her, as though he has no idea why she’s trying to glare us both to death. “Did you get a drink yet?”

He steers her to the beverage table and away from me, which is probably a smart move. 

“She does not like me,” I sigh. 

“Can you blame her?” April raises an eyebrow at me.

“The thing with the apple was an accident!”

“I don’t think that’s the issue,” Nora says softly before walking up to the Hufflepuff prefect waving her over. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I frown, genuinely confused. 

Throwing the apple at her is the only thing she has any reason to be angry over. What else could it be?

“You’re James’ ex-girlfriend. She has to hate you by design,” Mac carefully explains. 

“That’s not true,” I scoff, sharing a look with April who I hoped would agree with me on this but she is not rolling her eyes simultaneously with me. “Is it?”

That seems silly. She can’t dislike me solely for that, right? If anything, she should compliment me for my choice in guys. Okay, that might just be taking it too far but why on earth should that bother her? Me and James were never serious, and everyone knows he’s already declared her the love of his life years ago. You only dislike your boyfriend’s ex if you feel threatened, right? I’m about as threatening as garden gnome. 

“I’m not the jealous type,” April says. “But I would not like Hector’s ex-girlfriend to still be as close as you and James appear to be.”

“That’s bullshit! Me and James were on non-speaking terms for nearly a year. The only reason we’re talking again, is because of me and Sirius. How is that bad for Lily?” I huff. “And you should indeed not want Rory Kepler around Hector, she’s a bitch.”

And I’m not just saying that because she used to humiliate Hector when they were together. She really tore down his confidence as his girlfriend. When he finally got rid of her, she started badmouthing him around the castle. If I did that, Lily Evans would have plenty of reason to hate my guts but I never spoke badly of James and I think me dating him was really more of a confidence boost than anything else after all of her rejections. 

“Let’s not focus on the Hogwarts power couple right now,” April tries to change the subject. “You need to be occupied with the reason you came here tonight.”

I follow her gaze behind me to watch Sirius enter the room as well, guiding two sixth year Gryffindor girls with blindfolds on. Logically, he too is holding their hands and I have to admit the sight does more to me than it should have. Perhaps I can sympathise as to why Lily Evans just tried to glare me to death. It certainly doesn’t help that I know for a fact that he’s hooked up with both those girls in the past. Sirius’ ‘dating’ record isn’t exactly private knowledge. 

I wait for Sirius to notice me but that takes forever since girls keep flocking around him, even though his and my... thing has been public knowledge as well. I wish he didn’t automatically draw so much attention everywhere he goes. 

“I’ll go get a drink first,” I turn around in the other direction. 

“Coward,” April hisses under her breath, loud enough for me to hear.

Fine, I’m a coward. I’m at peace with that. There’s a reason I’m not in Gryffindor. I’ll just be a smart coward then. I’m good with that. 

Obviously I didn’t think this through, because the beverage table is exactly where James steered Lily to get her away from me. I’m a stupid coward. Not so good with that. 

“Hi,” I wince awkwardly as I reach past them to a grab a butterbeer. Why isn’t there anything stronger? As this is a Marauders’ party, I am deeply disappointed. 

“Enjoying the party?” James smiles brightly at me. 

Either he’s really stupid in not getting how my very presence pisses his girlfriend off or really good at pretending not to notice.

“Sure,” I nod even though I’ve only just gotten here and so far just stared at Sirius from a distance and felt like crap. It’s hasn’t been the greatest evening. 

“I’m going to talk to Mary,” Lily simply says before taking off, leaving me alone with James. I thought she didn’t like that? 

“On a scale of one to ten, how much does she hate me?”

“She doesn’t hate you,” James says. So he’s not as oblivious as he pretends since he knew exactly who I meant. “Just try to refrain from throwing stuff at her.”

“I was aiming for Sirius.”

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t like that either. I should probably catch up with her.”

“You should,” I nod.

Before she gets it in her head that I’m making the moves on her boyfriend. 

I watch James walk back over to his girlfriend who doesn’t seem to be as receptive to his embrace as he apparently expected. I can’t concern myself with whatever there’s going on between them – it can’t be just about my presence, right? – because I have my own wreck of a love life to obsess about. Sirius entered the room at least ten minutes ago and as it’s not a crowded space he must have noticed me standing over here by the drinks. So why hasn’t he come up to me yet? 

Ah, there he is again, with new girls hanging on his arm. How many people does he have to escort to the room? And why are none of them guys? He’s coming over here – he’s… no, going to chat up another guest who is, of course, a girl. I need another drink. 

Two minutes later, I am joined by – of course, not Sirius – Remus.

“Hey Lena, how are you doing?”

“Manageable,” I take a large gulp from my drink. 

That is as lovely as I can possibly put it. 

“Are you okay?” He frowns in concern. 

“Actually, I-“

“Lena!”

Oh, when I’ve finally found someone who’s actually concerned about my current mental health, then he shows up. I’m ready to glare holes through his skull when he joins me and Remus and elbows me in the ribs. Again!

“Hey, Padfoot,” Remus smiles at his friend, probably equally oblivious to the fact that girls don’t like bruised ribs. “You think everyone’s here?”

“Everyone but Brown,” Sirius gives me a pointed look. “Where’s Brown, Lena?”

Why the hell does he care that much about Martha?

“Maybe it just takes longer for her to get ready because she needs so much time to get fit,” I snap. 

You think he’s d get that, even Remus gets it by the awkward way he’s trying not to look at either one of us and figure out the best way to get away, but Sirius says this:

“Are you calling her fat?” He snorts. “Because Brown in not fat. That girl is fi-“

“Seriously!” I yell at him. 

“What?” He shrugs stupidly. 

“I’m just gonna…” And Remus is smart enough to blend into the background and get the hell away. 

“Oh, look there she is,” Sirius happily stares at Martha entering the party scene.

I know it’s not about the girl… but what the hell?

“Why are you obsessed about this?” I scowl.

Two days ago, none of them knew her name and now Martha Brown is all Sirius can talk about. We genuinely haven’t had a conversation in the last few days that wasn’t about her. Oh, Merlin, we have nothing to talk about. 

“For Peter,” He simply says. 

“You seem awfully invested in your friend’s love life,” I frown. 

“He kind of needs it. This other girl really made him feel bad about himself. I just want him to feel good tonight, and wanted. It’s nice to feel wanted.”

“That’s… sweet,” I blink at him in surprise.

“Shut up. You asked,” He shrugs before getting himself a drink.

Why does he do that? He simultaneously proves me right and wrong about him and I don’t know what my opinion even is anymore. Sometimes he’s an ass and sometimes he’s really sweet. Mostly an ass to me and sweet to his friends but perhaps it can work the other way around as well? It’s worth a shot. 

“Hey… euhm… I need to talk to you.” I say to him.

“Okay. Anything specific in mind or just idle chitchat?”

“It’s about our previous conversation.”

“Which one?”

“Where we discussed our unusual arrangement,” I softly say, trying not to appear as awkward as I’m really feeling. “About other people getting involved.”

“Good,” He suddenly nods very enthusiastically. “Because I’ve wanted to talk to you about it as well.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’ve thought about it and I don’t-“

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” James voice suddenly resounds loudly through the entire room, probably using some magical alteration to his voice to make it sound like he’s speaking through a microphone. Don’t see why that’s necessary at a party for fifty people. “Thank you all for joining us on this momentous occasion: Peter’s eighteenth birthday!”

“I have to go,” Sirius suddenly says. 

“What?” I frown. “We’re in the middle of a conversation.”

“I know, but I promised to help out with the cake. We’ll continue this later, okay?”

“Okay,” I grudgingly accept the postponement of what I think was going to be a very important talk. ”Later then.”

“Later,” He promises and then he gives me a quick peck on the mouth before making his way through the crowd to where the rest of the Marauders are.

Fuck, that boy is so confusing. 

I don’t get much of the rest of James’ speech, I’m sure it’s lovely, nor join in with the birthday song the whole room is singing to Peter, including Martha. I’m sure that’s a good sign. What I also think is a good sign is Sirius wanting to talk about our arrangement. I think he wants to call it off. I could be wrong – I’ve been very wrong about him before – but it sounded like he didn’t think it was a good idea either. For the first time in days, I think we can get on the same page. I guess April was right when she said we just had to talk. 

Peter gets sung to, we all get a piece of cake – it’s very, very good by the way – music is turned up and all too soon people are grinding against each other on the dance floor. Well, mostly just Mackenzie and Alexander but for some reason my eyes are drawn to their rather explicit dance routine. 

“Someone should tell your friend to keep her panties on, at least in public. She’s already well on her way to gaining a certain reputation. Well-earned, I’m sure.”

I don’t need to glance to my right to know the sneer came from my good friend Polly Mirtleton but I do anyway because the whole skin-crawling experience isn’t the same without seeing that ugly scowl on her face. Ah, there is it. 

“Polly, how ironic that you’re calling someone else a whore.”

She’s insulting my friend so I should probably yell at her, or even better, hex her. But I know a calm demeanour gets a much better rise out of her so I’ll just force myself to let her back-handed comment slide. 

“Look who’s talking,” She snorts. 

It’s getting harder to let it slide. I take a deep breath in, and out, hoping it will stop me from saying anything that will quickly escalate this ‘civilised’ conversation. 

“What do you want?” I sigh. 

“I want to let you know that you’re an idiot,” She scowls while looking over my head at something else. “There’s no way I’d share.”

I turn around to see what she’s looking at and hopefully understand what she’s talking about, only to find her unreadable gaze locked on Sirius handing out shots to three fifth-year Gryffindors that I don’t think were invited tonight. 

Wait, she just said that she wouldn’t share. And she’s staring at Sirius. She wouldn’t share Sirius? 

I look back at her with what I’m sure is a look of horror. She knows!

“How do you-“

“He told me,” She simply says. 

“He told you?!”

Why the hell would he do that?

“Contrary to what you’d like to believe, he and I are still rather… close,” She smiles. 

He told her about us dating other people and having three-ways. Why would he do that? It’s none of her business. Unless, of course… he wouldn’t do that, right? I mean, it’s Polly. 

“Did he-?” I gasp nearly inaudibly, trying to keep the hyperventilation at bay. 

“Like I said, I wouldn’t share. But it seems that currently that is the only way I can have him. So let me know when the both of you are ready for this. I’ll pretend you’re not there.”

I literally can’t think of anything to say, any retort to what she just said as she walks away. I’m… she… huh?

“What did she want?” April joins me, frowning after Polly’s retreating form. “I swear she’s gotten a lot bitchier these past weeks. What did she say to you? Lena? What did she say, Lena?”

I realise my friend is looking at me with great concern but I can’t really think of any way to assure her right now that I’m fine. Because I’m clearly not. 

“I’m having a three-way with Polly,” I whisper to her in shock.

“What?” She scrunches up her face. “Why the hell would you want to do that?”

“I don’t,” I answer very, very sincerely. “But Sirius does.”

“I hope you told him to go to hell!” She gasps.

“Yeah… I will,” I whisper. 

I have to. I can’t have a three-way with Polly. I don’t want to have a three-way with anyone. I don’t want to share him. I don’t want him to want anyone else and if he can’t do that, and he can’t, then I have to let this go, before it costs me my sanity. 

“Lena?” April looks concerned. 

“I need to get some air,” I push my half-empty drink in her hands before stumbling to the door. 

“Do you need me to come with you?” She still asks. 

“I’m fine,” I reply what is very clearly a lie. 

I’m not fine. I thought me and Sirius were on our way to becoming something great. Turns out we were just on our way to a three-way, with the girl I hate the most in this castle. I thought he had wanted to tell me he didn’t want to have an open relationship either, instead he wanted to tell me he found someone to do it with. It’s definitely over now.


	3. Deep-rooted Distrust

We’re on the seventh floor so getting all the way to the ground level to go outside is basically a quest, not to mention the fact that roaming the hallways after curfew when previously attending an illegal party is never a good idea. The Astronomy tower is also pretty far, not to mention that’s the décor to mine and Sirius’ unofficial first date. I don’t really want to be there right now. So out of limited options, and admittedly also laziness, I just walk one hallway further and claim an empty classroom as my own. With the double windows thrown open and sitting down on the desk pushed under said window, it’s kind of like sitting outside. I just need some air to clear my head. 

Which doesn’t help me to calm down any more than Polly’s freaking remark did. I’m still very… upset. Yes, that’s what I am. I want to be pissed off and freaking rage against the idiot that is unfortunately the guy I like but instead I’m just whining on the inside. This is not how I wanted this to go. I had high hopes for us, I get now that they were totally unfounded, but couldn’t he have met me at least halfway? Like don’t hook up with any other girls and I won’t make any comments on when you’re being a douche bag. You know, compromise. There’s no compromising when he wants to have a three-way with my evil roommate. 

I’m startled out of my very busy schedule of staring at the edge of the Forbidden Forest I can see from my spot in front of the open window when the door of the classroom opens. Who could that be? I specifically didn’t turn on any lights in the room so that no one would be drawn to it and be stupid enough to enter it when I’m clearly wallowing in the loss of what could have been. 

“Hey.”

Huh. I wasn’t expecting the guy who spend most of the party talking to just about anyone who isn’t me to show up here. I really don’t want to talk to Sirius right now but I suppose we do have some things to discuss. 

“Hi,” I reply softly and watch him approach the desk I’ve dropped on about as elegantly as I can in this tight skirt Mackenzie picked out. 

“What are you doing here?”

“How did you know I was here?” I ask him instead of answering his question.

“Map,” He simply says as he pulls out the piece of parchment from his pocket to wave in front of me.

Right, the Marauders Map he and his friends made together to trace everyone in the castle, all the time. Zero privacy and definitely no running away from Sirius Black.

“I hate that thing,” I shake my head. 

“You called it amazing, if I remember correctly.” He hauls himself up on the desk as well to sit down next to me.  
“Well, it’s that too, I suppose.” I shrug. 

We sort of just sit in silence after that. I don’t really know how to get this conversation started, probably any more than he does. Silence it is then. 

“You left pretty quickly,” He eventually says. 

“Yeah, I’m not really in a party mood.”

“More in a sit-in-a-cold-and-dark-classroom-by-yourself kind of mood?” He frowns.

“Sure,” I shrug. 

That’s a very nice way of saying depressed. 

He looks like he’s struggling to find something else to say after very little input from me. Alright, might as well just get it over with. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I tell him.

I’m having a hard time remembering why I ever thought it was a good one. I got deceived by his attractiveness and charming smile and how he makes me laugh, to the point of stomach ache, and how I feel when he looks at me like I’m something more than I believe I am. I suppose, when I decided to take the leap, I didn’t take into account what an ass he can be, how nothing ever really matters to him, how shitty he can make me feel with just one word or one look. 

“Sitting in front of an open window in the middle of the night, at the end of February? Yeah, not your best one,” He smiles. 

“I meant us.”

The smile slowly slides off his face until it’s replaced with a frown. But then he nods, and it hurts way more than even makes sense. Because I’m ready to end this budding thing between us. Him agreeing should just make it easier. 

“He told you.” He says.

“What?” I frown.

What is he talking about? Who is he talking about?

“I told James it was a conversation between the two of us and he should butt out. But of course he wanted to ‘fix’ it and now he’s gone and scared you off.”

Huh?

“What are you talking about?” I frown.

“About James telling you I don’t want to be in some sort of open relationship.”

I must have missed that conversation. 

“He didn’t tell me that.”

“He didn’t? Then what were you guys talking about?”

“We were talking about the fact that his – wait, did you say that you don’t want to be in an open relationship?”

Because that is the exact opposite of the signals he’s been giving me, as well as what he’s told me. He was happy about my unintentional proposal. He asked Polly to join in our three-way! You don’t do that if you don’t want to have one in the first place!

“Well, I was going to portray it much better, so you’d go along with it but I guess, basically, yes?”

Doesn’t sound too convincing but already a lot better than one minute ago. 

“You want to be exclusive?” I frown in disbelief. 

“Yes?”

Why does he constantly say it like a question? It doesn’t actually make me believe him. Besides, there’s only proof of the opposite.

“You were happy,” I remember. “When I… suggested we dated other people. You seemed… relieved.”

I know I didn’t imagine that. 

“I wanted to do the right thing. I told you I was done dating other people but then you said I didn’t have to and that did seem like an easier solution.”

“Easier?” I frown.

“It’s a lot easier to follow rules that bend.”

It’s not exactly sounding like he’s getting back on that decision. 

“Sure…”

“But then I thought it through and about five minutes after we parted I hated the idea.”

“You did?”

“So then I talked to James about it-“

“What? Why would you do that?”

It’s already weird enough that I used to date his best friend, it’s even more awkward if he goes to him for advice. Let’s not make the whole situation stranger than it already is. 

“He’s my mate. I had questions,” He simply says. “I wanted to know if you ever expressed similar arrangements to him.”

Oh, Merlin. I can already imagine that conversation. Where Sirius ‘casually’ asks his best friend if I ever had a three-way with him as well. 

“Please don’t ever share the details of that talk with me.”

“I won’t,” A small shudder goes through him so I know I can’t have been far off with calling it a painful conversation between the two friends. “Look, Lena, I can get on board with dating other girls if you insist.”

Right, he’s practically a martyr. Congrats on him for making such tough sacrifices on my behalf. 

“But not with you dating other blokes.”

“Well, that’s very hypocritical of you,” I scoff angrily. 

So he can hook up with other people but I can’t? Even if that psychotic open relationship arrangement would be happening, that’s not going to fly. 

“Maybe I’m not explaining it right.”

“Probably not.”

Unless he means for me to get angry at his double standards. I’m also one sentence away from calling him a sexist, and a hypocrite again. 

“I don’t want you spending time with guys the way I want you to spend time with me.”

Spend time? That sounds like more than just making out in a broom cupboard. That’s basically the only way we’ve been spending time together, with the exception of instigating a food fight and him insulting me. 

“I want you to only be with me like that.”

I’m confused. Is that sweet? Or annoying?

“Why?” I ask.

“Because I like you, Lena,” He scoffs like I just asked the stupidest question ever. 

Does he? Let’s recap, shall we. Since he’s asked me to give dating him a try and I was delusional enough to agree with it, he has shoved his tongue down my throat every time I tried to open my mouth – I have to admit there wasn’t much resistance there though –, he got me crazy enough to agree to an open relationship and three-ways, he’s elbowed me in the ribs, twice, called another girl fitter than me, insulted my House in general, thrown food at me for no legitimate reason, consequently getting me a detention and then ignored me at a party he made me attend. Also, keeps cutting off conversations I’m trying to have with him. How the hell does any of that mean he genuinely likes me?

“I don’t believe you,” I say. 

“What?” He frowns. 

“I don’t believe you,” I repeat. “Since we’ve decided to give this a try, you have been nothing but an ass to me. You clearly don’t care about me.”

“How have I been an ass?!” He suddenly raises his voice to the point of yelling. Yes, I already thought this conversation was going too smoothly. Let’s just both start yelling at each other. That will make it easier. Unfortunately I’m not any better at suppressing my anger than he is. 

“Are you kidding me? Better question is how you have not been an ass and the answer is: in no way! If it’s any consolation, you are really good at being a jerk.”

“Well, you’re being a bitch!” He jumps off the desk to stand very closely, looming over me. And that should not be sexy at all. Calling each other names is so not what this is supposed to be. And him glaring at me, calling me a bitch, should not make me want to kiss him. 

“Ass-face!”

That is the only insult I can come up with when he’s up close yelling in my face? 

“Ass-face?” He smirks victoriously. 

“Shut up!” I snap at him as I pull his face to mine and kiss him.

I should not be turned on right now. I should not let him step between my legs to press himself closer to me. I should not wrap my legs around him and allow him to lay me down on the bench. I should also not let him do that thing he does with his tongue that’s a sure way to pull moans out of me. I should not let his hands wander up my top.

“Stop!” I pull away before this gets out of hand. Granted, I probably should have to done that much earlier. 

“Why?” He leans in to get another kiss but I roughly push him away. 

“Because no matter how good this is,” I gesture between the two of us. “We suck at this.”

“You just made the same hand gesture twice,” He frowns. 

Yes, I did. I understand the confusion. 

“What are we doing?” I sigh in despair.

“Well, before you decided to cock-block yourself, we were making out.”

“That is all we do.”

“I don’t see the problem,” He shrugs.

That’s kind of also the issue.

“I want more.” I admit.

“ More than what?”

“More than this.”

I know I’m making the same hand gesture again but it really just covers so many meanings. 

“How exactly is this,” He copies the gesture so I know he’s getting it. “lacking?”

“Are you joking? “ I scoff. “It’s nothing other than a glorified hook-up! A relationship, or at the very least a budding one is about talking to each other and supporting each other and asking about each other’s day. All you’ve asked me so far is to hook up your friend with a girl whose name he couldn’t even bother to learn, you spend more time throwing food at me than you do talking to me and you’re about the least supportive person I’ve ever met.”

What’s that thing he said to me? ‘When you’re not insulting me back, I know I’ve crossed a line?’ Definitely applies to this situation as well. Because I’ve never seen Sirius this quiet.

“You’re not talking,” I softly say. 

“It’s kind of hard to get anything in between when you’re telling me everything I’m doing wrong.”

I’m mad at him. He’s not allowed to make me feel bad for calling him out on his unacceptable behaviour in the stage that we were supposed to be in. 

“Why is this only coming out now?” He asks. “You could have said something about it.”

He doesn’t know what he did wrong because I’m not explaining it to him.

“I don’t know how to talk to you,” I surprise myself with how honest a confession that is. I didn’t mean to say that. 

“Why not?” He frowns. 

“Because talking to you about things that matter requires opening up to you. I can’t talk to you because I can’t open up to you. I can’t open to you because-“ Oh, well, that’s a new revelation for me too. “Because I don’t trust you.”

“You don’t trust me?” He blinks at me.

“I don’t,” I admit something that I didn’t even realise until five seconds ago.

I don’t trust Sirius not to mock me when I tell him how his actions are hurtful to me. I’m always still expecting him to make fun of me and make me feel unimportant like he’s done all the previous years at Hogwarts. 

Sirius is being quiet again and I feel kind of bad for saying what I just did, even though it’s the truth. Maybe it helps if I explain it a little better?

“We haven’t had the greatest past to start a relationship with and I used to think that it was something we could just ignore as long as we don’t fall back into that behaviour. But all the issues we’ve had since then kind of come from that. I don’t know how to tell you what I like or want because that’s the kind of thing you used to use against me. You don’t exactly make it easier. You’re the kind of guy who tells me how another girl is way fitter than me, the kind of guy who throws food in order to ask for a favour, and the kind of guy who calls the girl he likes a washed-up whore.”

“I apologised for that and you said-“

“I’m not mad,” I interrupt him. “I forgave you for that, and I meant it. I’m not angry at you, I just don’t-“

“Trust me.” He finishes the sentence for me.

“Yeah,” I nod. 

Well, this sucks. He apologises and I forgive him and yet we can’t move past this. It’s not fair. I like him enough not to care about the things he’s said to me in the past. Why can’t my subconscious get on board with that?

“You’re not mad, but you don’t trust me?” He repeats.

I nod in confirmation again. 

“I can work with that,” He announces like he’s just found the solution for eternal life. 

“What?” I frown. 

“You don’t trust me and that sucks. But to be honest, I can’t really blame you for that. So I just have to prove to you that I am trustworthy. And then we’ll be good, right?”

“Right.”

“So that’s what I’ll do,” He nods firmly.

He’s going to show me I can trust him? I don’t know if it’s that easy. Trust is something very hard to gain and me and Sirius pretty much have all the odds stacked against us. If I knew how to fix this issue, I would have already done so.

“How are you going to do that?” I ask him.

“I’ll figure it out,” He shrugs. 

“I hope you do.”


	4. Quiet Quarrels

Sirius proving to me that I can trust him and therefore open up to him about what I need from our relationship seems like a really good idea. I don’t know how he’s going to do it but I am open to all his suggestions. It might take some trial and error but with determination, I think we can get there. However, every scenario that I could possibly come up with, includes him talking to me. And it’s been a week since he’s done that. 

It is clear as day that he is avoiding me. I just don’t understand why. After the party he told me he was going to show me that he is the kind of person I can pour my heart out to but I don’t see how he thinks he’ll accomplish that by running the other way every time I enter the same room he’s in. I wish I was exaggerating but when I asked him if he had a spare quill in Herbology yesterday, he made a bee line for the supplies when he already had all the necessities on his work bench. He’s definitely going out of his way to not talk to me. 

“He doesn’t want to be in the same room as me,” I huff as I sit down next to my friends for dinner. “Apparently The Great Hall is too much of a confined space to share with me.”

He made that pretty clear when he suddenly had very important things to discuss with Professor McGonagall as soon as I took one step in the direction of the Gryffindor table. If that wasn’t enough proof yet, James’ pitiful ‘I’m so sorry my best friend no longer wants to interact with you’ face eliminated any doubt. 

“Have you tried-“

“Talking to him? Stalking him through the hallways? Ambushing him? Yes, yes and yes. He’s a slippery fellow. He always gets away. I blame his excessive knowledge of secret passageways.”

Knowledge that he has not shared with me. Why? Because we don’t talk!

“Are you sure you guys didn’t have a fight?” Mackenzie asks cautiously. 

“Like I’ve told you before, we didn’t.”

“Are you sure? Because you seemed really pissed at Pettigrew’s party and afterwards you disappeared for hours.”

“We did not have a fight,” I repeat. “In fact, I think we had a real and honest conversation that could have been the instigator of much healthier communication between us but instead resulted in him fleeing on sight.” 

“So a fight?”

I ball up my fists and glare angrily at Mackenzie. Clearly I’m already very pissed, why is she purposely making it worse?  
“Alright, alright,” Nora tries to break the tension. “Mac, you know Lena is going through some issues. Let’s try not to make her feel bad about it, okay?”

“Fine,” She pouts.

Issues? I’m not a nut case. 

“Lena, what can we do to help?” Nora asks me.

I’m not sure there’s anything they can do. I don’t even think I can do something about it. A relationship is a two-way street and if one side is blocked, there’s not much to be done about it, I suppose.

“Do you want us to talk to him?” April suggests.

“No,” I quickly say. Nice as the intention might be, I really don’t think April having a chat with Sirius could solve anything, only create new problems. “I just think Sirius needs to get his shit together and as long as he doesn’t do that, there’s fairly little I can do about it.”

“Whenever me and Alexander fight,” Mackenzie suddenly says. “I divert his attention with sex. I’m instantly forgiven.”

“Are you giving me relationship advice?” I frown, appalled. 

Even if I wanted advice on this, Mac is the last person in the world I’d go to. Even though she and Alexander have lasted much longer than any of us expected, she’s not exactly the go to person when it comes to relationships. She has flings and drawn-out hook-ups. That’s not really what I’m aiming for.

“Terrible advice at that,” April scoffs. “I suggest we lock up the two of you in a broom cupboard until you hash it out.”

“That’s much better advice,” Mackenzie nods enthusiastically. “Let’s go with that.”

“No one is locking up anyone,” I quickly say. I feel the need to clearly point that out because I know my friends. And even though Nora wouldn’t consent with such a crazy plan, I do know she can get a bit carried away as well when Mackenzie and April band together. “Sirius is a grown-ass boy, he can figure this out himself, no one’s freedom needs to be taken for that to happen.”

I really hope that’s true. There haven’t exactly been any signs that he’s anywhere near closer to being able to talk to me again. 

Turns out, I didn’t need my friends to lock me and Sirius up in a tight space together. All we needed was Professor McGonagall to do it for us. 

“For this next assignment, I’ve divided you into groups of four. Please go sit together when I read out your names.” Yada yada, lots of stuff that doesn’t apply to me. I really only pay attention when she calls out my name. “Lena Pelt and Elijah Terreth.”

I missed the first part and therefore the other two members of the group. Luckily Elijah is sitting two rows behind me so I just turn around and signal to the nice Hufflepuff.

“Hey, Elijah! Did you hear who the other two people are we’re paired with?” I yell at him as subtly as I can for him still to hear me. 

“Yeah,” The blond nods back. “Black and Evans.”

“Oh, shit!” Slips a little too easily from my mouth. 

“Normally I wouldn’t condone such language, but ‘oh, shit’ seems to be quite an accurate description to this situation.”

I turn back around to see Lily Evans standing in front of my bench, looking as displeased by this arrangement as I am. 

“Lily,” My sudden smile is rather forced but I don’t see the use of good acting. “Great, we get to work together.”

I’ve done a pretty good job at avoiding the Head Girl this past week, about as well as Sirius has been avoiding me with the very big difference that it’s an arrangement both me and Lily are more than satisfied with. This team work is going to mess up that delicate balance. 

“Come sit here with me and Black, girls,” Oblivious Elijah waves us over to where he and Sirius have pushed two tables together so we can cosily sit close to one another. 

And it’s definitely going to mess with me and Sirius as well. 

“Lovely,” I sigh deeply before making my way over to them and stubbornly sitting down next to Elijah instead of Black, making Lily sit next to Sirius, right in front of me. 

“So,” I try to break the awkward silence. “Do you guys know what the assignment is about? I was sort of spacing out.”

“Figures,” Evans rolls her eyes at me and for the sake of the group, well pretty much just for Elijah’s sake, I decide to grit my teeth and not get into that.

“We need to discuss all sorts of Transfiguration Laws,” Elijah helpfully explains. 

“Transfiguration Laws?” I frown. 

“Like how an Animagus has to be registered, else they’re illegal,” Lily explains. I know she doesn’t want to be helpful but the know-it-all in her just can’t help it. 

“The Animagus Registry,” I laugh out loud. “Does anyone know about Animagus stuff?”

Sirius is looking everywhere but at me, as always. 

“You know, I heard that people who can turn into an Animagus, are stupid,” I challenge Sirius to open that big mouth he usually can’t keep shut. 

“That’s ridiculous,” Evans answers instead. “Animagus are-“

“Real stupid,” I continue. “Apparently they’re so bad at human interaction; communication, talking stuff out, they find it much easier to relate to the way animals communicate. I call that stupid.”

He knows I’m baiting him, I think even Lily Evans figures out I’m not actually talking about the Transfiguration assignment anymore. Elijah might just be genuinely oblivious to it. 

“Could we perhaps focus on the assignment,” Evans frowns. 

“That’s what Lena’s talking about.”

Oh, sweet Elijah. He really isn’t getting this at all. But that’s fine. I just wish Sirius got it beyond the understanding that I’m angry. I want him to understand that I miss him and I want him to talk to me. Without actually having to tell him that, since we’re not talking. 

“It is,” I nod. “It’s about how through Transfiguration people can change. And sometimes they promise change but they don’t actually do it, or they change in a negative way. Because just like those stupid, stupid Ani-“

“Lena,” The gruff voice I haven’t heard in over a week cuts through my rambling.

“He speaks!” I gasp in mockery. 

“You’ve made your point,” He sighs. “Let’s just do the work now and we’ll talk afterwards.”

“I’m having a hard time believing that,” I laugh out loud but it’s not funny. 

“I’m certain that we can-“ He grits his teeth but I don’t let him finish. 

“Who knew you had so many words in your vocabulary? I certainly didn’t!”

I realise that I am raising my voice and sort of screaming through the classroom but now that I’ve been given this opportunity I’m not going to pass on giving Sirius a piece of my mind. 

“Stop making a scene,” He hisses and that comment blows me up.

“A scene?” I yell. “You think you can be a total ass to me and then make me feel bad for calling you out on it, you stu-“

“Miss Pellt!” Professor McGonagall interrupts the start of my very dirty-mouthed rant. “Mister Black. My classroom is no place for a screaming contest.”

“We’ll yell at each other afterwards then, Minnie,” Sirius turns toward our teacher with what I’m sure is a charming smile in anyone else’s eyes. It just makes me want to punch him even more. At least McGonagall agrees. 

“Detention, tonight,” She sneers and I almost want to cheer when I see that smile slowly slide off Sirius’ face, until she adds the last part. “Both of you.”

Crap, a detention is the last thing I need or want. Especially if I have to do it together with the guy who can’t stand to be in the same room as me. This ought to be interesting. 

I grace the Gryffindor with one last glare before leaving the classroom once the end of the lesson is announced. If I have to spend the entire evening staring at his annoyingly silent face, I want to get away from it for now.

“Well, that was… interesting,” April says to me when she catches up a few corridors further. 

“Shut up!” I sneer at her. 

“Looks like we won’t have to lock you up in a room together after all. Professor McGonagall will do it for us.”

I don’t know if she’s even attempting to suppress her victorious smile but if she is, she’s doing a terrible job at it. 

“It’s going to be the worst detention I’ve ever had,” I sigh. 

“It doesn’t have a lot of competition of course,” April points out. “Since your first one was when you were balling your eyes out to professor Flitwick about how you never intended to damage school property and he took pity on you and made you grade his papers with him. He’s been going easy on you ever since.”

Unfortunately that’s true. But why did it have to be with Sirius? Scratch that, why did it have to be at a time where he and I are fighting by not talking to each other? It could have been the perfect setting for a romantic moment if we were still jumping each other’s bones. Now, it’s just an annoyance. 

“I might end up killing him,” I confess to her.

“I will help you hide the body,” She simply shrugs. 

“Not really the point I was making,” I snort.

I know she’d totally help me get away with murder. That’s what best friends are for. But I’m actually more worried about making things worse between me and Sirius, even if I’m not certain that’s possible, than winding up in Azkaban. 

Unfortunately there’s nothing left to be done but show up at the Trophy Room where McGonagall told us to come for our detention. Clearly, I haven’t had much experience with detentions but thanks to Sirius’ weird bragging about his own, I know exactly why we’re here. I’m going to spend an entire evening brushing up other people’s trophies and all of it in the wonderful company of my very own bane of existence. 

“Good, you’re both here,” McGonagall says as Sirius shows up one minute before the agreed hour. “Grab a bucket and a sponge. You’re cleaning the trophies on the left side. There will be no talking.”

“That won’t be a problem,” I mutter under my breath, loud enough for Sirius to hear, who just rolls his eyes at me.

I grab the cleaning supplies and head over to one of the bigger trophies. Might as well get this over with. Unfortunately Sirius follows right behind me because of course we have to do this together. Well, at least it will be in silence. That might just be for the best. 

We’re cleaning for about twenty minutes, during which McGonagall conjured a table and chair to work at during our labour when Sirius suddenly decides he finally wants to break the silence. 

“Lena, I wanted-“

“We’re not supposed to talk,” I whisper yell. “Something I assumed you’d be on board with.”

I turn away from him to polish the trophy but he just slithers closer. Isn‘t he supposed to be doing the same? Also, McGonagall can surely hear us whisper. 

“I just want-“

“I don’t care what you want. It’s all you ever talk about. It’d be nice if you cared about what I want, for a change.”

He doesn’t seem to though. After our last conversation, I thought he did but by his behaviour of the last week, it’s clear that he doesn’t. 

“What do you want?” He asks.

“I want communication. I think I was very clear about that last time and then you ignore me.”

“I haven’t-“

“Please! I’m not stupid, don’t treat me as though I am!”

“Shhh!” McGonagall hushes us, without even looking up from her papers. 

It’s not as effective as I’m certain the Transfiguration Professor is used to. Sirius keeps his mouth shut for about three minutes during which I move on to the next trophy. Unfortunately, he follows me there, out of McGonagall’s line of vision. 

“I have been avoiding you,” He admits. 

“”What?” I fake-gasp. “Really?”

“Obviously, you knew that,” He rolls his eyes at me. That’s twice in thirty minutes. 

“Obviously,” I scoff. 

“I just didn’t know what to say.”

“That’s new,” I snort. 

“You don’t exactly make it easier,” He blames. 

“I think it’s sad you only do things that are easy,” I shake my head before getting up and moving over to the next trophy in need of a clean-up. Who knew they even gave them out for ‘outstanding following of the dress-code’? And then I realise how what I just said to Sirius could be interpreted differently. I didn’t mean to imply that the girls he does are easy. And I certainly didn’t want to include myself into that statement. Because I am not-

“I told you that I would simply prove to you that you can trust me and that would be that. But it’s not that easy. I don’t know how to do that,” He says, looking frustrated. 

“So you just cut all lines of communication?” I frown. “How does that solve anything?”

“It doesn’t,” He admits. 

I had hoped there was a quick fix to this, and perhaps he had too. But there’s not and if things are already this hard two weeks into this ‘relationship(?)’, I don’t see it getting any easier when life’s issues get thrown at us. How are we supposed to withstand them when we can’t even communicate properly at the beginning? 

“Great,” I whisper softly.

Obviously, I don’t think it’s great but at least Sirius does seem to understand irony. 

“Apparently the only thing that can make you trust me, is time,” He sighs. 

I wonder if James told him that. His best friend does seem to be his go-to-person for relationship advice. I wonder if that’s a regular occurrence or if this is a first for him. 

“So you’d just rather give up altogether?”

That hurt. Aside of not fulfilling the promise he made to me the evening of Peter’s birthday party and his silence, he made me feel like he gave up. That I wasn’t worth the effort this thing between us required. I’ve never had a massive amount of self-esteem but I’ve always managed. I am comfortable with who I am and confident that that is enough to the people that matter. But he has the bad habit of making me feel like I’m not. And not even trying, makes me feel two inches tall. 

“I don’t give up,” He frowns, looking as angry as he would be if I called him a Slytherin. 

“Then what would you call what you’re doing right now?”

“I’m asking for more time,” He blinks owlishly at me.

“You are?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t figured out yet how to ask you that.”

“You just do.”

“I feel like all I do is take from you,” He suddenly admits, his voice barely a whisper. 

“Sometimes I feel like you do too,” I nod, deciding to be honest instead of pretending the problems aren’t there in the first place. “But then I remember that you also give me things.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I can’t think of one right now,” I slowly say to which he snorts. At least he doesn’t seem to find it insulting. “But I’m sure they’re there.”

I can’t exactly put my finger on it but he makes me breathe just a little deeper, makes me laugh just a little harder, feel that much more intensely. He does bring me into a sort of elated state of being and I never really considered before that maybe he doesn’t know that. Because Sirius Black has always been perfectly aware of the enigmatic effect he has on other people. Bad self-esteem is definitely not one of his problems. 

“I… worry that I might say the wrong thing and you’ll bail,” He tells me in a rare and uncharacteristic moment of allowing me a glimpse behind the surface. “I don’t want to do that, so I figured I could buy some time but not saying anything.”

“That’s stupid,” I huff. 

“I never said it wasn’t,” He shrugs. “You kind of make me stupid.”

“Yeah,” I nod because I definitely get that. “You do too.”

“Great combo,” He sighs. 

I know he’s nowhere near saying the right things, let alone do them, but is the first time since that day at the pitch that he makes me feel like he wants this, the way I want this. In a way that is about much more than a make-out session in an empty classroom. I want more than that. And before today he’s never really made me feel like he agrees. But I suppose he does. Perhaps the Hogwarts Heartthrob does get stupid and angsty about a budding relationship as well. 

I don’t know if this deserves another chance but I think I’d regret it if I don’t. I might also regret it if I do but perhaps that’s easier to live with. 

“For the record,” My fingers seem to have travelled across the tiled floor to brush up against his. “if you saying one wrong thing makes me quit, nothing would ever have happened between us. Because a lot of nonsense comes out of your mouth.”

“I suppose you have a point there,” He smiles sheepishly, entwining his fingers with mine. 

“A lot,” I continue. “The things that you say sometimes…”

“Alright, alright,” He scoffs but I don’t think he’s really mad about that. 

“Speaking of saying stupid shit,” I can help but smile a little as I feel him squeeze my hand. “Perhaps we should start by not insulting each other anymore.”

Me kissing him in the classroom last time when he called me a bitch might have given him the impression that calling each other names is acceptable but it shouldn’t be. This relationship is already unhealthy enough without throwing insults into the mix. 

“Really?” He smiles brightly. “Because ass-face was starting to grow on me.”

I am in no way surprised that he brought up the worst possible insult I could think of. 

“We can definitely include it as a pet name,” I smile. 

“I’m sure we can come up with something better,” He laughs softly.   
Sitting on a cold floor in detention with our fingers carefully intertwined is the first time in a long time that I’ve felt some type of progress between us. We’re nowhere near a good place yet but if we both want to be, I don’t see why we couldn’t get there. Communication is going to take a lot of work because we’re obviously not very good at it. But I finally feel like I’m not the only one putting in the effort anymore and that makes a world of difference. 

As Sirius slowly starts to lean in for what appears to be a cautious kiss, and I’m going along with it, the scraping of a chair on the floor reminds us that we are not alone in the room. 

“When I said no talking, I meant no form of any interactions. That certainly includes kissing,” McGonagall’s voice cuts through the atmosphere. 

Sirius leans away and I reluctantly let go of his hand. 

“You can start on the trophies on the right wall, Mister Black,” She stares him down until he’s moved away to the opposite side of the room, very effectively separating us. 

Actually, we haven’t exactly been sticking to her rules of not talking either. We hadn’t even been whispering as we tried to somewhat hash this out yet the professor only interfered now. There’s no way she didn’t hear us before. Could she be a romantic at heart? Or maybe she really does favour the Marauders and Sirius just gets special treatment. Both options seem a bit absurd but I am grateful for her leniency as me and Sirius leave the Trophy Room with a much better understanding than entering it. 

“I’ll walk you to your common room,” Sirius says before taking a hold of my hand.

I perfectly know the way to my own common room but as I suppose he’s trying to be gallant, I’ll let him. I also quite enjoy the escort. 

“Maybe we just suck at relationships,” I tell him as we walk through the castle hallways. 

“Probably,” He nods in agreement. “The last and only time I attempted one, I messed up royally. And I didn’t even like her half as much as I like you. There’s a lot more to lose this time around.”

I’m not the kind of person to gloat about this to Polly but I kind of really want to. Being the bigger person really blows sometimes. 

“That goes for both of us, you know.”

My only attempt was James and even though I didn’t technically do anything wrong there, it wasn’t exactly a good learning experience either. If anything, it just makes me more paranoid of people’s intentions. 

“Figure it out together?” He smiles at me with that odd look in his eyes as though he’s staring at something amazing. Crap, I really like seeing that.   
“Yes,” I agree before standing on the tip of my toes and kissing him slightly on the lips, pulling away before he even has the chance to react. This doesn’t need to turn into a make-out. We already got that part down. “I thought of one.”

“What?” He frowns.

“Several ones, actually,” I smile softly. 

“Of what?”

I just widen my smile before giving him a kiss on the cheek as a goodnight. I disappear into my common room remembering that for every annoying quality, Sirius Black sure does have a lot of redeeming ones as well.


	5. Frustrating Friendships

“I just don’t get it,” April shakes her head.

“You don’t have to get it,” I shrug. 

“But it aggravates me that I don’t,” She sighs. “I just don’t get how you can be avoiding one another and picking fights in classes one day, only to be all lovey-dovey the next.”

“We are not lovey-dovey,” I scoff. 

Sure, me and Sirius have been surprisingly sweet on each other today but I would certainly not describe it that way. It’s not like we’re cooing at each other and drawing little hearts on our notes. We’re just holding hands and being nice to each other and give small kisses instead of passionate snogging. Alright, perhaps it’s not such an outrageous term to apply. 

“Please, I caught you guys giving each other smouldering looks over your Transfiguration project today.” Mac laughs.

“We were not,” I roll my eyes at her words. 

“What do you think made Dylan so nauseous?”

“He said he overate at breakfast!”

“Lily Evans definitely did not overeat.”

Yeah, okay. She was really annoyed by how nice we were being to each other. I think she much prefers it when we’re bickering. 

“Do you want us to go back to fighting?”

“Of course not. I just don’t understand how it’s so easy for you to forgive him for last week’s cold shoulder,” April pouts.

“It’s not easy,” I admit. “But if I want to give this a chance, and I do, I need to be able to let things go. We had a good chat and I feel like we’re finally on the right track together.”

“Funny, that’s what you said after Pettigrew’s party as well.”

Damn, she does have a point there. But the big difference is that after our last conversation, Sirius has stepped up to the challenge and hasn’t frozen me out again. Instead, he’s been really considerate towards me. He gave me his last bacon this morning at breakfast, during which he left behind his friends to join me at the Ravenclaw table. That’s a big deal. 

“It’s different,” I insist. 

April just raises her eyebrow, visually questioning my words. 

“It is. He’s been acting to what he’s saying.”

Still wearing that look of unbelief. 

“You don’t have to believe me,” I eventually scoff. “Because I do.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hu-“

“Hurt. Yes, I get it. That doesn’t make it okay for you to constantly point out things that I’m already being insecure about. Sometimes it’s nice to just have your support, even if I’m making a mistake,” I huff. “I’m going to be having dinner at the Gryffindor table, because even my ex-boyfriend has been more supportive than you.”

“Lena-“

I ignore her as I get off the table and walk up to the one with students dressed with red-gold ties, sliding in next to Sirius. In the time I’ve gotten here, I’ve already realised that April doesn’t deserve me snapping at her. I might need to actually hear her advice sometimes but it’s just much easier to remain irritated with her. 

“Well, this is a lovely surprise,” Sirius smiles as he throws his arm around my shoulder. “Want to become an honorary Gryffindor then?”

“April’s being a pain,” I shrug. “Figured you couldn’t possibly be worse.”

“True,” He hums. “Redmacher can be quite the b-“

“Hey!” I turn on him angrily. “You don’t get to talk shit about her.”

“But you just said-“

“I can say stuff because she pisses me off when she means well. That’s my best friend. You don’t get to say stuff about her.”

He looks baffled as though he doesn’t understand that calling April anything is not okay. But after a contemplative look passes on his face, he just nods like he gets it. I hope he does because this can’t become a thing where I’m stuck between the guy I like and my best friend. Because no matter how much I like Sirius, I would not pick him over her. 

“Girls,” He just sighs, and though that’s not exactly the right answer, at least he seems to have figured out what definitely not to say.

“You might want to shut up, Padfoot,” Remus subtly hints from across the table. 

“Why?” He frowns. 

“Because for someone who knows how to sweet talk a lot of girls into doing a lot of things, you sure don’t have a way with words.” I smirk. 

“We’ve already established that you turn me into a mumbling mess, Lena,” He smiles at me.

“Right,” I can’t stop a similar smile from spreading across my face as well. 

Alright, so perhaps we are threading that line of nauseating, as I see Remus awkwardly look away from the corner of my eye. But it’s a whole lot better than yelling at each other. I’m definitely not complaining. 

What I don’t appreciate is getting violently smacked on the head by someone smashing their heavy book bag into me. 

“What the hell?!” I whirl around to see Polly glaring down at me with a vicious look in her eyes. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Lena. I didn’t see you there,” That awful look in her eyes shifts to a dazzling smile as her gaze lands on Sirius. “Hi, Sirius. You look very fine this morning.”

“Thanks, Polly,” He responds to her flirting.

What?!

I twirl back to him just as fast to glare at him now. I can hear Polly leaving behind me but she’s not my greatest concern right now. 

“Are you flirting with her?” I narrow my eyes at him.

“No,” He says slowly. “I was just being polite.”

“Like when you were being polite by offering her a threeway?” I hiss. 

Because we never actually addressed that part of the issue before. I can take Polly being nasty to me – that’s nothing new – but not if he’s just going to smile at her like that. 

“T-threeway!?!” Remus sputters from across the table, coughing up his pumpkin juice. 

Interesting. So he didn’t tell Remus about that. Only James? Or perhaps Peter put in his two cents as well? I thought they all shared everything. 

“I never offered her a threeway,” He frowns, oblivious to the awkward expression on his friend’s face who is now slowly slipping away from us. 

“That is not what she said,”

I remember vividly what she said the night of Peter’s birthday. She made it very clear she thought I was crazy for sharing Sirius with other women – which I would be – but she was accepting his invitation to join us in a threesome, despite her hating my guts. 

“When did she say that?”

“At Peter’s birthday.”

I’m sure he recalls what a wonderful evening that was for the both of us. 

“I didn’t invite her,” He repeats and I want to believe that. But why else was she so well aware of what transpired between me and Sirius? Even Remus didn’t seem to know. 

“Then how did she know we even discussed threesomes?” 

“Because… well,” He wavers, that’s never a good sign. “I did tell her. It definitely wasn’t an invitation, but she asked what was wrong and I told her that I was confused about how your preposition made me feel.”

“Why would you tell her that?”

I’m willing to believe it wasn’t an invitation. I know Polly, she’s very good at inviting herself. Mostly to parties but I suppose threeways would work as well. But that still doesn’t explain why he would go to her about my supposed preposition. Didn’t he already discuss it with James? 

“Because we’re friends.”

They’re what now?

“You and Polly?” I gape at him. “Are friends?”

“Yeah,” He nods like that’s super normal. 

“Your ex-girlfriend who’s still crazy obsessed with you, is your pal?”

How did I not know that? And how did none of Sirius’ awesome friends tell him what a terrible idea it is to remain friends with your stalker. Because she does stalk him. An average Hogsmeade trip for her consists of tracking the object of her affections in the wizarding village, following him around and spying on his dates, just to make sure he’s not falling in love with any of those girls. She’s a stalker. 

“She’s not crazy, and she’s not obsessed with me,” He rolls his eyes. 

She has an old shirt of his which she makes her life size teddy wear. She snuggles up to it in her bed. She bonkers.

I’m not about to spill dorm secrets here but even without that knowledge, everyone knows Polly gets a bit carried away with her larger than life crush on her former boyfriend. How can said ex-boyfriend not know that? 

“Have you not met her?” I frown. 

“Sounds like someone’s a little jealous,” He smiles, leaning forward to kiss me. Instead of my lips, he meets the palm of my hand as I push him away.

“I’m not jealous,” It’s not the complete truth since Polly is still freaking gorgeous despite her personality and apparently he finds it easier to talk to her about dubious open relationship agreements than he does with the girl he’s actually involved with. “I’m pissed. Why would you discuss something like that with your ex-girlfriend, no matter how close you still might be?”

Merlin, I hope they’re not that close. 

“It just slipped, it’s not a big deal,” He shrugs.

“It is,” I insist. “You can’t just go to your pal, discussing our private business,” I scoff.

Does he not get that? 

“You didn’t have a problem when I told James.”

Yes, I did. I thought that was awkward and weird and unnecessary as well but it’s still better than confiding in Polly. Those two situations are completely different.

“It’s not the same,” I shake my head. “This is Polly.”

“Lena,” He says, and he suddenly sounds so seriously, I wonder if maybe he finally gets that this is a big deal. “You’re not telling me who I can and can’t hang out with.”

I’m a bit startled by the harshness of his words but they’re not said in reprimanding. He’s just telling me that we’re not going down that path, like I told him we’re not heading down the path where he can insult my best friend either. Oh, crap, if he and Polly are really friends I’ll have to be nice to her because I would not let him get away with treating my friends anything other than cordial. 

“Of course not,” I whine because he’s right and I hate it. “You can hang out with Polly, if you insist. You’re insisting, right?”

He nods.

That’s what I was afraid of.

“Just tone down the charm,” I plead. “There’s a fine line between being close pals and you flirting with another girl right in front of me.”

“I’ll try not to be so attractive,” He smirks but despite his easy-going attitude, I do feel like he’s listening. Now all he needs to do is prove that he can also apply his promises. 

“And please promise me not to discuss such personal things between me and you with her. It’s already a bit strange with James but this is a girl who hates me. We should also really try discussing those things with each other first.” 

“Alright, that seems reasonable,” He nods. “Look at us, communicating like pros.”

We still have a long way to go but yes, progress is certainly on the horizon. 

“Does this mean I have to become besties with Polly now?” I nearly hurl at the thought. 

“I would be okay with you just not being nasty to one another.”

Alright, I should be able to pull that off. As long as she does the same. 

I’m not pleased about having to play nice with Polly because of her very unsettling friendship with Sirius, not to mention that fact I know to what extent her feelings for the bloke go, even if he’s firmly in denial. But I am feeling relieved that we managed to talk this out by expressing what we need from one another, without resulting to yelling and bickering. 

What I’m less happy with is my little spat with April. I know I might have had a bit of an excessive reaction but there was still truth in my words. As much as I like to pretend it isn’t the case, throwing myself into the deep end with Sirius Black of all people is terrifying and clearly hasn’t been smooth sailing. I know all the flaws and risks that come with this decision but my best friend constantly pointing them out as well is not helping. 

I don’t have long to come up with what I want to say to her because as soon as I get to the dorm, the other girls clear out and April drops down on my bed next to me. 

“I’m sorry,” She pouts.

I sit up straight because this requires my full attention. It’s not rare for April to apologise. She’s a fan of tough love but as soon as she notices that she’s crossed the line, she’s not too proud to admit that. Thank goodness for that because sometimes I am, and when she bends, it’s easier to follow. 

“I know you’re cautious, whilst also trying to make this thing with Black work. You don’t need me to tell you that. I’m just trying to protect you though. You don’t actually need me to do that, but I mean well. I’m sorry if it gets a bit overbearing sometimes.”

“I’m sorry I snapped,” I say in turn. “I do know you mean well and sometimes I do need you to be sceptical about my choices. But sometimes I also need you to just be on board with them, especially when I already know how risky they are.”

“I can be supportive,” She nods eagerly. “He’s… and you… Black…. You landed yourself a hot one.”

I burst out into a fit of giggles. So maybe supportiveness is a bit of a challenge for her but at least she’s trying as well. 

“That was pathetic,” She admits. “I don’t really know Sirius Black, but if you see something in him that makes you want to go for it, I’m sure he has redeeming qualities. I’m eager for him to prove my scepticism wrong.”

“You want to hear something you don’t know about him yet?” I ask her as I settle in more comfortably against my headboard. Now that we’ve had the apologies out of the way, we can gossip. 

“Sure,” She sinks into the pillows next to me. 

“Sirius Black and Polly Mirtleton are friends,” I say slowly for dramatic effect and she gives me a very satisfying gasp of shock.

“What?!”

“I know, he’s also convinced she has no dormant feelings left for him.”

“It’s true that they’re not dormant,” She snorts. “That way she’d at least shut up about him.”

“Exactly, but they’re friends and I can’t tell him not to hang out with her anymore so now… I have to be nice to her.”

“That must be killing you,” She laughs. “However, that might be good for the peace of the dorm. I’m liking Black more already.”


	6. Loaded Labels

Sirius and I have been hanging out a lot lately, and it doesn’t always consist of making out in a broom cupboard. We do enjoy that so we weren’t about to cut that altogether. But we’ve also had meals together, talked about things other than the next time we’d meet up and I even got Sirius to join me in the Library for homework once. Of course he spend more time successfully trying to distract me with his flirting and annoying charm, but I did learn that he’s already such a natural at Transfiguration, his essay pretty much wrote itself in between the teasing and laughing. 

Towards Polly, I have been pleasant. I wish I could say she’s done the same but that would be a blatant lie. She’s been as nasty as ever since she found out about me and the love of her life, even more so these last two weeks now that she’s been given a rare insight in our romantic struggles. She knows why I’m not going along in the nastiness, because she and Sirius are pals and he told his pal that we’re all buddies now. She is not trying to be my buddy, she’s actually trying to bait me into going off on her, preferably when Sirius is in the vicinity. I’ve swallowed a lot of crap from her these past few days. He better fucking appreciate it. 

Since I can’t talk back to her the way I really want to, I’m left to rely on the only advantage I have on her. Mainly that the guy she wants, wants me, not her. So I sit down on the bench next to Sirius at breakfast and draw him into a deep kiss that is way inappropriate at the breakfast table and usually reserved for private broom cupboards. I know she’s watching, I can feel her eyes burning at the back of my skull, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying the kissing part as well. I’m well aware it’s petty, but right now that’s the only ammunition I’ve got. 

“Good morning,” Sirius smirks brightly when I pull back. I’m not really looking at his face right now, I’m scanning the Ravenclaw table to see the furious face of my aggravating dorm member. Yes, petty but oh so satisfying. “I thought you were playing nice now?”

I turn back to see him still look too pleased to be actually pissed at my antics. He’s definitely the one benefiting from them the most. 

“I am,” I insist. “And since you don’t believe she has feelings for you, why are you assuming I can rile her up?”

He just shakes his head fondly as he turns his attention to his breakfast plate. So not that oblivious after all. It’s not like she’s hiding it well, I can see the steam coming out of her ears all the way from here. 

It’s only when I start serving up my own plate, that I realise Sirius wasn’t sitting alone. He hardly ever is but if I had noticed beforehand that Lily Evans was sitting opposite him, I might have reconsidered coming down here, spiting Polly be damned. The tensions between me and Polly are simple. I’m dating the guy she wants, I dislike the way she talks to people, me included. The struggling atmosphere between me and Lily is a lot more complicated. I don’t really have anything against her, other than the fact that James pretty much dumped me for her. But even after that, me and Lily have always been friendly with one another. She’s smart, pretty in an non conceited way and kind. There has never been any reason for me to dislike her, until she started dating James earlier this year. Suddenly she went from my nice class member to possessive new girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend and she has missed zero opportunities to point that she’s with him now. I don’t need to watch him grab her ass in front of me to know that. It’s been painfully obvious for years. I figured that odd behaviour would stop now that I’m with Sirius but it’s seems to actually have gotten worse. Right now, as I notice her and her boyfriend sitting in front of us, and greet them both, she ignores me and leans in to nibble on James’ ear. What suspicious timing. And if me scandalously making out with Sirius is inappropriate at breakfast, her sticking her tongue in his ear certainly is. 

“Good morning,” James blushes. I’m surprised he even noticed there’s someone else in the room. From the movement of his arm, I can tell his hand is resting on her thigh. Have they always been so touchy? I thought Evans was a prude. 

“How’s practice going, James?” I ask him as I pour myself a cup of orange juice, pretending that I don’t see how Lily’s gaze sours when I dare to address her boyfriend. 

“Really well,” He smiles. “I’ve been working on a new move. It’s been hard work but I’ve got it in my limbs now.”

“You looked really great on your broom yesterday,” Lily nods and James seems to be a bit surprised at her sugar-sweet praise so I know she doesn’t usually sound as his private fan club. 

“You went to practice?” I frown. I thought she hated Quidditch. 

“As his girlfriend,” She stresses. “I went to cheer on my boyfriend.”

“I have a wonderful girlfriend,” He beams at her. 

Ugh, they’re sickeningly sweet on each other. Are they always like this? It would explain why Sirius didn’t put up much of a fight when I asked him to have lunch at the Ravenclaw table. But despite them being so over the top in love, I feel… not jealousy but intrigue, that they call each other boyfriend and girlfriend so easily. Is it that easy? 

Sirius and I are dating, that much is obvious, and we’ve decided to be exclusive and I know it’s not casual. No one puts up with that much crap if it’s casual. But is he my boyfriend? Am I his girlfriend? I don’t know. We’ve never said so. Then again, does it have to be spoken out loud, or is it just something you know? 

Though I chat along at breakfast as I normally would, the whole boyfriend-girlfriend concept stays on my mind. When I’ve had an entire morning to mull it over until I’m nearly bursting with self-doubt, I can’t hold it in anymore and I have to discuss it with my friends. 

“When did you realise you were in a relationship?” I ask, mostly April as she is my go-to person when it comes to romance as she’s been the most successful in finding a meaningful relationship, though Mackenzie and Nora are here as well and of course I’d appreciate their input as well.   
“What?” She frowns, looking up from her lunch. 

“You know, there’s dating and then there’s being boyfriend and girlfriend. I was just wondering how you go from one to the other.” 

Merlin, I sound so awkward right now. Just have to bite through it though, to get a useful answer to the question.

“You write a note that says ‘will you be my boyfriend’ and then ask him to tick off yes or no,” Mac snorts. “It’s been that way since kindergarten.”

“I’m looking for a serious answer,” I huff, because her making fun of me really isn’t making me feel any more comfortable discussing this. 

“Oh,” She smiles. “A Sirius answer.”

I roll my eyes at her because that’s a lame joke despite it being the truth. 

“You want to figure out if your Black’s girlfriend or the girl he’s dating,” April guesses. 

“Just tell me how you got there,” I whine. I’m hoping that will be more helpful than anything else I can come up with myself. 

“It was really sweet actually,” She smiles softly. “He told me how his friends we’re teasing him about having a girlfriend. Then he got all flustered and stuttered out that he didn’t want to assume anything. How could I do anything other than agree that I was his girlfriend at that time? It felt right anyway. I don’t think I gave it as much thought as he did.”

Hector? Flustering? Stuttering? That doesn’t sound like my cousin at all. He’s loud and confident and I’ve never really known him to be insecure about anything. Wait, that’s not true. I remember him being very nervous when he told me he wanted to ask out my best friend and asked me if I thought she would go for him. If that’s the sign of the guy you’re dating becoming your boyfriend then Sirius most definitely is not. He does not get nervous or flustered or embarrassed. He’s the most confident person I know. 

“I think it kind of just happens,” April muses. “I was his girlfriend before we actually said it but as soon as we did, it just felt natural.”

Sirius Black is my boyfriend. Nope, doesn’t feel natural at all. 

“Maybe you just have to come out and say it?” Nora suggests. “’Would it be okay if I introduced you as my boyfriend?’ or ‘Am I your girlfriend now?’”

Sounds so simple. 

“I can’t do that,” I groan. 

Mostly because I’m pretty terrified he’ll freak out and shut me out. Moving too fast can destroy a lot of things that way. And I’m already quite scared of messing this up. 

“Why are we making such a big fuss about this?” Mac sighs. “I don’t remember you guys even asking when Alexander became my boyfriend.”

Our three heads turn to her as one. 

“Is he?” I eventually ask. 

It’s true that they’ve been spending a lot of time together. But Mac is gorgeous and charming and she’s never been without a guy’s attention for long. So far, there’s been no sign of this being anything different than the previous guys. Except she just called him her boyfriend.

“Yes,” She beams. “Since three weeks.”

“You didn’t tell us?”

“No one asked,” She shrugs. 

“We never ask about Lena’s romantic struggles either but she’s constantly nagging about it spontaneously,” April scoffs. 

“Duly noted,” I narrow my eyes at her. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” She waves away my glare. “This is a big deal, you could have told us.”

“I guess I didn’t want to?” She frowns. “A lot of people have been assuming things about me and Alex. It’s been nice to kind of keep it as a private thing between us.”

“That’s great, Mac,” Nora smiles. “I’m very happy for you.”

“Yeah.”

“We are too.”

“Thanks, you guys,” She nods. 

It all seems to be so much easier for Mackenzie. She makes a decision, she goes for it, she doesn’t need to keep talking it over and over. Perhaps her approach is much better. 

“How?” I wonder. 

“I told him; ‘you’re my boyfriend now’ and he agreed.”

What?!

“That simple?” I gasp.

“Sometimes it’s that easy.” She nods. 

So I can keep on beating this dead horse but in the end it’s still Sirius I’m going to have to talk to. Question now is how I’ll bring it up? Do I do it all demanding like Mac did, or do I go about it like a cautious wreck the way Hector did? I don’t think either is quite my style. 

The next time I run into Sirius is after classes when me, April and Nora head to the Library and he’s making a rare surprise appearance there as well. Mac is off making out with her boyfriend somewhere. 

“Lena,” He smiles brightly at me when he enters the Library and spots me at one of the tables. Sometimes, when he greets me like that, he really reminds me of a puppy that’s been waiting by the door all day for me to get home. It’s not unpleasant. 

“I’m surprised you found your way back to the Library,” I tease him as he breaks away from his friends to come bury his face in my neck.

“Map, remember” He whispers against my skin.

“Right,” I shake my head. 

“Plus, Remus dragged me here,” He nods towards his friend who’s already walking further into the Library. I’m sure the Marauders prefer their own private corner without any prying eyes. “So I’ll have to give him the mandatory fifteen minutes of pretending to study. I’ll come whisk you away afterwards, alright?”

I’m supposed to be working on my Charms essay but how am I supposed to say no when he gives me such a heated stare? I nod in agreement. It’s not due for another three days anyway. 

“Sometimes he’s really sweet with you,” Nora says out loud once Sirius leaves. 

“He is?” I frown and April looks like she didn’t see what Nora did either.

I know Sirius has a sweet side. The more I get the know him, the more prominent it gets. But I also know he tries his hardest to hide it from pretty much anyone other than his best friends, including me. The glimpses I get from his softer sides are accidental and I don’t think he’s figured out yet that’s what originally drew me in. I don’t see how anything he just said can be interpreted as sweet though. I’m pretty sure that he just invited me to come make out behind a book shelf. 

“I think it’s in the way he looks at you sometimes,” Nora shrugs before focusing on her essay again. 

Since I’m going to get whisked away in fifteen minutes, I might as well make the most of the time I have left to work on my assignment. 

“Where’s that book you had before, Nora?” I frown, scanning the table for the book I’m looking for. “The one on non-verbal spells.”

“Oh, I put that one back.”

“You remember where you put it?” I wince.

The Library is massive and the Charms sections takes up the biggest part of all topics. It would be very convenient if she could just tell me where she left it, instead of me having to search the bookshelves for it again. 

“Yeah, let me go with you. I think I’ll recognise it.”

Me and Nora find our way through the bookshelves to locate the burgundy bound book that should help me heaps with my essay. But just as I spot it and reach for it, another hand beats me to it and snatches the book away right in front of me. 

“Looks like you just have to always want what’s mine,” Polly sneers at me, tapping her perfectly manicured finger nails on the cover.

Can’t pick a fight. I cannot pick a fight with her. Well, technically she’s picking one with me but I can’t go along with it. I promised. 

“Just let me know when you’re done with it,” I sigh, ready to walk away. 

“Never. I told you, I don’t share.”

“First of all,” I take a deep breath, trying to have this conversation in a mature way, instead of it resulting in a screaming match. “Sirius is not a book. Secondly, you really need to accept the fact that even if he wasn’t with me, he still wouldn’t be with you.”

I know it’s harsh, but I said it in a friendly tone. And really someone should just be upfront with her. Sirius and her friends clearly aren’t going to do it. They just let her cling on to the fantasy, that can’t be healthy. 

I notice Nora shuffling awkwardly next to me. Supporting and loyal as she may be, she’s not one for confrontation. The fact that I’m not getting all snappy myself must confuse her as to whether or not she should intervene. 

“Listen up, you little slag,” Oh, Polly mad. “Sirius might be having his little fun with you right now, but I’m endgame. You be as cocky as you want about it right now, once he’s had enough of what’s between your legs, he’ll come running back to me.”

“Hey, now-“

“Because I can offer him things that a dumb little bitch such as yourself never can. You’re just not pretty, clever or good enough.” 

Okay, there’s not picking a fight, and then there’s defending myself. 

“What the hell did you just say to her?”

But it looks like someone else is ready to come to my rescue. 

Polly’s face when she turns around and finds the source of those words to be Sirius himself looking pretty damn pissed, is golden. The fact that he looks scary livid, the kind I usually want to run away from, on my behalf makes it infinitely better. 

“Sirius, I didn’t see you there,” She forces out a smile but no one’s buying that. 

“Obviously,” He sneers. “I don’t think you would have been quite so honest.”

“Ah, silly,” She laughs. “Me and Lena, we’re just teasing each other.”

“Really?” He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly thinking to himself that’s an unnecessary question. 

“Nope.”

I am not covering her ass. I don’t care that she’s glaring at me right now. I honestly don’t think she could possibly hate me more anyway. 

“Polly, you cannot talk to her like that.”

“She started it,” She whines. 

“I doubt that.”

Ah, that is sweet. Picking my side, it’s kind of nice. 

“But she seems to think that you don’t care about me!” She’s one step away from stomping her foot on the ground like some petulant child. 

“I do care about you, as a friend.” That must be a like a stab to the heart. “If I gave you another impression, I’m sorry. I think of you strictly as my friend, Lena has nothing to with that.”

“But if she didn’t seduce you, we’d be-“

“Nothing. We’d be nothing. I don’t like you like that anymore. It’s been two years, Polly. I thought we were past this.”

“Bu-“

“No buts Polly. I apologise if I unintentionally hurt you, but that does not give you the right to go off on my girlfriend like that.”

My eyes bulge out of my sockets as though someone just tried to slap them out of my skull. He just said…

“He called you his girlfriend,” Nora whispers in my ear as Sirius and Polly continue to debate on the nature of their relationship and whatever effect I have on that. 

“He did,” I smile. 

“I don’t think he realises it though.”

“He doesn’t.” I agree. 

He just keeps on verbally slapping Polly on the wrist for the way she spoke to me. He has no clue whatsoever that he just declared me as his girlfriend. He didn’t even have to think on that, it was natural for him. And it felt really great to hear him say that. I guess he knew where we stood all along. 

“I cannot believe her,” Sirius sighs as he runs an exasperated hand through his hair. 

Polly seems to have left during the time when I was enjoying the blooming feeling in my chest at him calling me his girlfriend. 

“Thank you,” I smile gratefully at him. “For sticking up for me like that.”

“Of course,” He frowns. “I wanted you to try and get along, I didn’t want you to just let her insult you.”

“Does that mean I don’t have to play nice anymore?” I smile.

“Just don’t instigate it? I expect better from you.”

“Deal,” I throw my arms around his neck to press my lips to his. Nora seems to have made herself scarce in the meantime as well. “You called me your girlfriend.”

“Did I?” He seems to be a bit confused. Does he not remember that? “Aren’t you?”

“I am,” I nod. 

“Good,” He smiles before kissing me again. “I found a little abandoned corner in the back of the Library.”

He didn’t have to wiggle his eyebrows for me to catch his drift. I happily follow him to that remote little corner to make out with my newly declared boyfriend.


	7. Meddlesome Mates

“Did you see the notice in the common room this morning?” Nora asks me as we move from the Charms classroom to Transfiguration, a class the two of us share as well. 

“About the upcoming Hogsmeade trip?” I ask. 

I was bloody pleased about that news. It feels like it’s been ages since we had a Hogsmeade trip since the last one was on Valentine’s day and I definitely didn’t partake in that one. I’m very low on my chocolate stash. 

“Yeah, I was wondering what your plans were.”

“My plans?” I frown. “Well, I always go by Honeydukes and I suppose, after that I want-“

“I meant who you’re going with. I assume you have plans with Sirius. April and Mackenzie have dates as well but it would be nice if we could all meet up at the Three Broomsticks at some point. I’ll spend the rest of the day with Tammie and Polly.”

“Tammie and Polly?” I gasp. “I don’t want you to have a horrible day.”

That sounds awful and even if Sirius wants to go to Hogsmeade together, which we definitely haven’t discussed yet, I’m not letting my friend spend the entire day with those two. 

“Tammie’s also my friend, you know.”

“I always thought of her more as your back-up plan, rather than a friend.”

Tammie’s actually not so bad, but as Polly’s best, and maybe only friend, she has the bad tendency of hanging out with someone I usually avoid. Needless to say, she and I aren’t close. But Tammie and Nora have a lot in common, their love for wizarding chess, their Magizoologist aspiration and the fact that their friends drive them crazy. I know they’ve formed a friendship over the years, even if I pretend otherwise, but Tammie isn’t really the problem in the scenario.

“In that case, lucky me. Because it appears I am in need of a back-up friend since all the other ones have decided to get boyfriends.” Boyfriend. Huh, it still feels a little silly. “Besides, Polly is usually a lot more pleasant when you’re not around.”

While that is most likely true, she still can’t be a delight to hang out with. 

“Me and Sirius don’t have any plans so the two of us can just hang out,” I smile. She’s not smiling back. 

“Don’t you want to go on a date with him?” She frowns. 

“No.”

That’s a lie. A date with Sirius at Hogsmeade sounds awesome. It would technically be our first date, as for the previous one he wasn’t exactly in a normal state of mind and I was not there entirely voluntarily. A do-over would be nice. 

“Well, you should. I’m hanging out with Tammie and Polly, and you’re not invited. So you might as well invite Sirius,” She nods in the boy’s direction when we get to the Transfiguration classroom and then abandons me by sitting next to Polly, knowing full well I’m not taking a seat anywhere near our awful roommate. 

There is a seat next to Sirius and clearly Nora wants me to go sit there. Since she insists on having a horrible Hogsmeade trip, I might as well try and make mine enjoyable. 

“This seat taken?” I smile softly at him as I point to the chair next to his. 

“Prongs might put up a fight but I will defend your claim all the way,” He smiles brightly at me. 

“A simple yes would do,” I roll my eyes and sit down next to him. 

James gives me a sideway glance when he enters the classroom, but doesn’t challenge me for the seat. McGonagall isn’t here yet, so if I want to ask Sirius to Hogsmeade, I might as well do it now. 

“Was there a notice in the Gryffindor common room today?”

“About the Hogsmeade trip?”

“Yeah. Do you… want to go together?”

“Lena Pelt, are you asking me out?” He smirks. 

“You clearly aren’t doing it,” I scowl. 

“You just sat down!”

“So you were going to ask me?”

“Yeah.”

I give him an expectant look when no other words follow. 

“It’s considered rude to answer a question with another question,” He grins. 

“I’ll let it slide this once.”

“Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?”

It’s ridiculous but I get kind of jittery when he asks me. 

“A date?”

“No, I need a tour guide,” He replies sarcastically. “Yes, a date, Lena.”

“Alright then,” I smile. “The girls will still want to meet up at some point but I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”

“That is excellent news,” He smirks. 

Despite what I told Nora, I’m actually really looking forward to this date. It’s been a while since I’ve gone on a date, not counting the one on Amortentia, and I really like the guy I’m going with. Sirius has gone on dates with a lot of girls, a lot. And even though I don’t want to think too much on it, I know he’s an excellent date. Every girl always returns excitedly, even though the part that comes after can be a bit disillusioning. I’m quite curious as to see what the fuss is about, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed. 

“Great, I’ve been dying to go to Madam Puttifoot, we can sit there for hours.”

“What?” He pales at the idea of sitting in the sickeningly sweet tea house for the entire Saturday. 

“I’m kidding,” I laugh. “One hour’s good too.”

“You better still be kidding.”

“I guess you’ll find out on Saturday.”

I am not setting foot in Madam Puttifoot’s, but he doesn’t need to know that yet. 

By the time the Hogmeade’s trip is there, I’ve made plans to meet up with Mackenzie, Nora and April over lunch. Hector and Alexander will be joining us as well and of course Sirius is more than welcome but I suspect he’ll like to spend some time with his friends then as well. The rest of the day it will just be the two of us. I can’t wait. 

We meet up in front of the Great Hall, he looks very handsome in his muggle jeans and leather jacket. I think I do relatively alright in my own tight pants and cute jacket, especially if his pleased expression is anything to go by. After the carriage ride, the first stop we make is Honeydukes, after I whined to Sirius about my need for sweets. We’re not the only ones with that idea as we quickly run into Remus and Peter there. 

“Look who it is, Wormtail and Moony out on the prawl,” Sirius grins secretively and I smile innocently, pretending that I don’t understand the underlying joke. I’m not sure if the guys are aware that I know Sirius is an Animagus and that, by association, I figured out the other three are Animagus as well. Sirius definitely didn’t deny it. 

“Hey guys, you stashing up as well?” I greet them. 

“Absolutely, Moony is a huge sweet tooth,” Sirius laughs. “If he doesn’t get his supply, he raids our stuff for it.”

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating.”

I find the image of a starving, ravenous Remus Lupin, making a mess of their dorm, looking for something to devour rather hilariously ridiculous. 

“He’s not,” Remus sighs. “It’s that bad. I need my chocolate.”

“In that case, I could use the advice of an expert. What do you suggest? Banana Cream Dark Chocolate or Nutty Raison Milk Chocolate?”

“Oh, that’s a though one,” He nods sympathetically. 

Me and Remus wind up in a thirty minutes long debate about which flavour at Honeydukes is the best, there are just so many, during which we both end up buying way more than we intended. Oh, well. At least I’ll be set for a while. 

I feel a bit silly once I realise I just spend so much time discussing chocolate, wasting precious minutes of my first date with Sirius. He doesn’t seem to be all that bothered by it though. 

“Where do you want to go next?” I ask him as we all paid for our sweets. 

“Zonko’s,” He grins easily. “We filled up your supply, now it’s time for mine.”

“Good idea,” Peter nods. “I don’t have any dungbombs anymore.”

Euhm… is he joining us? 

Before I can ask Sirius whether his friends are tagging along as well, he’s dragging Peter with him out the shop and into the next one, leaving me to trail behind with Remus. Okay, so I suppose it makes sense to go together since we’re all going to Zonko’s anyway. And I like Sirius’ friends. He and I have the rest of the day to spend with just the two of us. What’s a couple more minutes?

It’s not a couple of minutes. I should have known better than to think three notorious pranksters released in a prank shop would be quick. 

I have a good sense of humour, one that obviously matches well with my boyfriend’s, so I can appreciate all the nifty little gadgets. But after an entire hour, it gets tedious. How many times can they test out a biting tea-cup before thoroughly realising what it does? And why does Peter keep falling for Sirius’ obvious attempts to get him to be the guinea pig? He should really have learned his lesson after six times. 

“Are you going to buy one or not?” I eventually sigh. 

“Nah,” Sirius shakes his head. “I’ve already got three.”

“You’ve already-,” I gasp. “Then why are we still debating the teacups?”

“I wanted to see if they’ve improved. They haven’t,” He shrugs. “A couple of dungbombs and Stink Pellets is all I need for now.”

“Are we done then?” I smile. 

“Are you not enjoying yourself?” He teases. 

“I am. But it took me only five minutes to see everything in the store. I don’t understand how the three of you can mull over every item for ages.”

“She’s right,” Remus nods understandingly. “We’ve already spend enough time here. Let’s go to the Three Broomsticks.”

Are we just doing everything together today? I know the Marauders are a tight bunch but this is a bit ridiculous. But then Sirius surprises me. 

“You guys go ahead without us,” He throws an arm around my shoulder and leads me in the opposite direction. “We’ve got other plans.”

Good, finally some time alone. 

“Do those plans include an abandoned little alley?” I grin. 

I would not be opposed to that. 

“That can be arranged,” He smiles brightly. “But for now, I was thinking of a visit to the book store.”

Only then do I realise he’s been steering me towards Tomes and Scrolls.

“Book store?” I frown. “But you don’t read.”

“I take offense,” He gasps. “I do read. Just now I’ve read the sign on the store and a couple of minutes ago I read the price tags at Zonko’s.”

“You know what I mean,” I huff.   
“Yes,” He nods. “I don’t particularly enjoy reading books in my free time but you do.”

I glance up sideways at him with a smile on my face. That’s really quite considerate of him. Then again, I did just spend over one hour at the joke shop. I probably deserve some time with the books. 

“That’s sweet,” I press a kiss to his cheek before stepping into the book store and immediately wishing I can take it back. Because even though I’d love a visit to Tomes and Scrolls, I don’t want to be here at the same time as James Potter.

“Padfoot,” The guy in question smiles at his best friend who doesn’t seem to be all that surprised to run into each other. 

“Are you for real?” I frown at Sirius. 

“What?” He shrugs. 

“I’m going to look at the books,” I shake my head, leaving him with his pal he apparently can’t go a day without. I suggest they bond and get it out of their system so I can at least have some alone time with my date afterwards. 

Unfortunately, what I didn’t think about is what James Potter, a notorious non-reader himself, would be doing in the book store. The answer is accompanying his book lover girlfriend. Great, not only do I not get to spend quality time with Sirius, I have to hang with Lily Evans while he can giggle in the corner with his bestie. 

“Ah, Lena. Just the girl I was hoping to see.” Mister Duncan, the owner of the book store, greets me as I walk further into the room. 

“Really, did something interesting come in?” I ask him eagerly, ignoring the red-headed Gryffindor wearing a frown on her face since I stepped into the building. 

“Something I suspect will be to your liking,” He smiles, turning back around to reveal a heavy tome in his hands. 

As he lays the easily 800 pages thick book gently on the counter, my hands make its way to caress it without second thought. Italian Curses of the 16th Century. He knows me too well.

“Your business is bad for my allowance,” I tell him as I carefully count the money I have left in my head. “How much?”

“Twelve galleons.”

“Twelve?” I frown miserably, knowing I could never afford it. I pout as I stare down at the book I very much want to absorb. It looks like a very limited edition as well. I’ll probably never get the chance to purchase it again. But I don’t have the amount left and Jackson’s birthday is coming up as well, I still need to purchase him a present. 

Mister Duncan must know I can’t pay the sum. He pushes the book a bit closer to me with a gentle smile. 

“Surely you cannot not purchase a book without reading a few pages first,” He says before leaving to tend to another customer.

I appreciate the gesture and eagerly flip through the contents though it is difficult to pick which chapter I should read in the limited time. I am so absorbed by it, that I forget my surroundings until someone speaks up next to me. 

“You have an interest in Italian history?” 

I look to my right to see Lily Evans frowning once again, but this time in curiosity instead of irritation.

“It’s the Curse part in the title that mostly intrigues me,” I admit. 

“You want to know how to place an ancient Italian Curse?” She asks me warily, probably afraid that the end goal is putting such a curse on her. 

“That is the first step to figuring out how to remove it.”

“You want to be a Curse-Breaker?”

“Yes,” I nod. “For quite some time yet. Mister Duncan is nice enough to set aside the books on the subject that he thinks might interest me.”

“Likewise,” She smiles as she turns the cover of the book she’s holding towards me. Nifty Spells for the Aspiring Healer.

“You want to be a Healer?”

“Yes,” She smiles, quite genuinely for probably the first time in months. “I can’t think of a better way to use my magic.”

She’s quite the gifted witch. Everyone in our year knows that, even the ones who look down at her because of her muggle family. She’d make a great Healer. 

This is the first proper, civil conversation we have had in a year. And it’s actually pleasant. I don’t understand why we can’t always get along like this. It was never an issue before. 

But just when I think perhaps it can always be like this if we both bite our tongues every once in a while, I’m reminded of why we’ll never be pals when James walks up to us and throws one arm around Lily’s shoulder and the other one around mine, squeezing us closely together. 

“Did you girls get everything you needed?” He smiles, looking back and forth between the two of us. 

This is probably not helping in burying the hatchet between me and Lily. 

“I have everything I need,” Lily slips her hand into her boyfriend’s and tugs him closer to her. “Shall we go, James?”

“Excellent! To the Three Broomsticks then?”

“To the Three Broomsticks!” Sirius shouts loudly, following after his friend and tugging me along with him, out the book store. 

“We’re getting a drink with James and Lily?” I frown at him. 

We just spend hours with Peter and Remus. Now that we’ve finally broken away from them, we’re stuck with two other interruptions? 

“It would seem so,” He shrugs. “We’re heading there anyway, to meet up with your friends. Remember?”

“Is it already that late?”

“You spend so much time in the book shop,” He laughs. 

“Right, I’m sure Zonko’s had nothing to do with it.” I roll my eyes at the smirking Gryffindor.

Well, since we are meeting up with my friends at the Three Broomsticks for lunch, I suppose there is no reason for his friends not to join us as well. 

When we arrive, only Mackenzie is there, not trying to desperately swallow Alexander’s tonsils for a change. Instead they appear to be engaged in intimate conversation I hesitate to disrupt. Sirius does no such thing. 

“Lovebirds,” He grins as he clasps Alexander’s shoulder and nudges Mac between the ribs as he sits down next to her. 

“You’re one to talk,” She scoffs, “You and Lena have been joined at the hip lately.”

“Not only us,” I scowl softly, as I watch James sit down next to Sirius, leaving me to take a seat at Alexander’s right. Lily frowns a bit at the seating arrangements forcing me away from Sirius as she sits down at James’ other side.   
We don’t have to wait for more company for long as Remus and Peter, who must have already been here when we entered, take a seat as well, leaving me squeezed between Alexander and Pettigrew, who seem to have found a common interest in Herbology, my least favourite subject. I am so pleased to see April and Hector finally enter the Three Broomsticks as well. 

“Sit next to me,” I whisper to her as a second table is pushed against the first to make room for everyone here. 

“Why?” She frowns. 

“I need the company.”

She continues to frown at me but sits down in between me and Alexander anyway, with Hector besides her. 

“Why aren’t you sitting next to Sirius?” She whispers, nodding to where he’s laughing loudly with James. 

“Wish that I could,” I sigh. “But the position is clearly taken.”

She obviously wants to ask me more about it, but we are disrupted as Nora approaches the table as well. With Polly and Tammie in tow. And I thought this couldn’t get any worse. 

I do not enjoy lunch. There is nothing wrong with the meal but rather the company. Sirius sits all the way across the table, clearly enjoying himself perfectly fine without me seated between Mac and James. He’s barely even made eye contact with me. Nor Polly, who has been trying very hard to catch his eye, seated next to Remus. 

“She’s making eyes at your fellow again,” April scoffs besides me. 

“I know,” I simply sigh. 

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“No,” I tell her earnestly. While Polly’s unusual semi-friendship with Sirius rattled me not that long ago, ever since he made it very clear to her that he will not tolerate her behaviour towards me nor appreciates her obsessive sentiment towards him, I’ve found myself much less intimidated by her glare and obvious interest in my boyfriend. “He’s not speaking to her, until she apologises to me. We all know she never will. She holds out hope that he’ll not make due on his word.”

So she’s no longer a problem as I know Sirius can keep a grudge like no other. 

“Then what is bothering you?” She scowls. 

Clearly she must have noticed my rather sour mood. I certainly want to confide in her but this full table lends us little privacy and even though she seems quite focused on our conversation, I can easily spot Hector’s hand intimately high on her inner thigh, trying to distract her as well. 

“Bathroom,” I tilt my head in the right direction and get up, knowing she’ll follow closely behind. 

Not even a minute after I’ve entered the small restroom at the back of the Three Broomsticks, she slips in as well and closes the door behind her. 

“Well?” She raises an eyebrow at me. 

“This is not a date,” I whine. “It’ a group outing.”

“Because you’re pulled away from him for one second?” She rolls her eyes at me. “You can have him all to yourself again afterwards.”

“Probably not,” I scoff. “There is a Marauder at every turn. He and I haven’t been alone yet for one fucking minute.”

Yes, I said ‘fucking’. To make sure she’s knows I’m being serious and not just overly dramatic. 

“One minute?” She repeats disbelievingly. 

“Literally, one minute!” I nearly yell at her. “We’ve spend the first hours with Remus and Peter following us everywhere and when we finally got rid of them, James just happens to be in Tomes and Scrolls, ready to steal Sirius’ attention away again. It’s not a date.”

“They won’t leave him alone?”

“I wish that was it. He continuously invites them along, not even wondering if perhaps I would like some alone time with him. Clearly he doesn’t feel the same.”

“We’re not going down that self-doubting path again, are we,” She sighs deeply. “Everyone knows he likes you. He’s simply not considerate. If he won’t spend precious alone time with you on his own accord, then you must make him.”

“How?”

“I don’t need to tell you how to gain Sirius Black’s attention,” She laughs. “But if Marauders keep getting in the way, go somewhere no Marauder ever goes.”

“Where would that be?”

“Madam Puddifoot’s.”

“Ieuw!”

“I know how you feel about the place, many people do but it’s always filled with people. Why? Because you get to be alone with your boyfriend there without any disruptions.” I just keep giving her a disgusted look. “Hector claims he hates the place as well but he never puts up much of a fight when given the opportunity to spend some undisrupted time alone with me.”

“Sirius hates the place as well. He’ll never go there.”

“You underestimate your own powers of persuasion,” She laughs before leaving the restroom again. 

Powers of persuasion? I suppose I can muster them up from somewhere.


	8. Do-over Date

As I leave the bathroom, I don’t return to my seat between Peter and April. Instead I walk up towards Sirius’ seat, and throw my arms around him from behind, whispering in his ears. 

“Let’s go.” 

“Where?”

“You’ll see,” I tease, releasing him and leaving the Three Broomsticks without saying goodbye to anyone else. I don’t want them to know where we’re going. 

I hear some noise behind me so I’m sure he’s following, even more so as he slips his hand into mine once we’re outside. 

“We visiting that abandoned little alley now?” He smiles.

“Not quite,” I frown as I tug him in the direction of Madam Puddifoot’s.

“Euhm… Lena? It looks you’re walking to Madam Puddifoot’s.”

“We are,” I nod. 

He’s quick to stop walking and pull me to a halt as well. 

“You were kidding, right? When you said you wanted to go there.”

“I wasn’t.”

I was but things have changed now that drastic measures need to be taken. It’s really his own fault. 

“Why?” He nearly whines. 

“I… want tea.”

“I’m sure you can get a cup from Madam Rosmerta.”

“What’s the big deal? Have you not been there before?”

I haven’t been there before because I don’t like the cheesy place. The only guy I’ve ever been on a date with before is James and we definitely saw eye to eye on where not to go. But Sirius must have been on many, many, many more dates before this. I don’t believe none of those girls took advantage of the opportunity to drag him to the romantic tea parlour.

“I have, loads of times,” He admits. “But I thought better of you.”  
“You’re not getting off the hook by insulting me,” I roll my eyes and pull him into the tea house. 

“It was a compliment!”

His cries of resistance are futile as I get him into the building. But things don’t go exactly as I had hoped, meaning no interruptions. 

“Frank?” Sirius recognises someone at one of the tables and lets go of my hand in favour of greeting this person. 

I vaguely remember the guy as a former student who was over two years older than us. Apparently his name is Frank. I definitely know the girl sitting in the booth with him though. Alice is one of the Gryffindor seventh years who shares a dorm with Lily Evans. Unlike her dorm mate, Alice hasn’t suddenly gone cold in her interactions with me so I politely greet her as well. She’s obviously on a date though, so I don’t think we should interrupt them. 

“Hi, Sirius,” The handsome tall guy greets him back, before looking at me. “And Sirius’ date.”

“Girlfriend,” Alice corrects him. 

“Really?” Frank looks genuinely surprised and seems to take me in a little better now that he knows I’m not just Sirius’ girl for the day. 

“Yep, I am a tied down man now. This is Lena, my ball on chain,” He laughs. 

“You’re so romantic,” I scoff. 

“Anyway, what’s up, Frank? Haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Busy with Auror training,” He nods. 

“Really? What’s that like? Scootch over, would you, Alice?”

Sirius, rude ass that he is, not only ruins our date but crashes theirs as well by sitting down on Alice’s side, ready to grill her date on his Auror training. How did even this plan backfire?!

But neither of these two is saying anything about it. Alice makes room for Sirius to sit down and Frank starts a very detailed description of his training. There is nothing left for me to do but sit down as well and endure it. 

I know Sirius aspires to be an Auror after graduation, if his grades allow it and he passes the entrance exam, so of course he’s be super interested in hearing what it’s like first hand. I don’t want to mess that up, I want Alice and Frank to do that for me. It takes a full hour for them to finally crave some alone time again and leave me and Sirius sitting by their table with only the two of us, at last. 

“Now that it’s finally just us,” I sigh contently. “I wanted-“

“Padfoot!”

I turn around in my seat to see, to my horror, James and Lily entering Madam Puddifoot’s as well. No! Marauders do not come here!

“Prongs, what are you doing in this place?” Sirius at least seems to be genuinely surprised to find his best friend in the same place as us this time.

“Lily wanted to come here. You know I can’t resist her pretty pleas,” He says sappily as he squeezes her hand. 

I want to hurl at that but my blood is too busy boiling on the inside to do so. I’m just mad right now. All I want is some alone time with my boyfriend. Why is that so hard!?

“You guys don’t mind if we join, do you?” James asks as he moves to sit down. 

“Yes!” I snap. “I mind horribly!”

James looks at me in surprise, hovering over his seat, not knowing whether to sit down or run away. 

“You’re joking, right?” He smiles warily at me. 

“Do I look like I’m joking?” I say angrily. 

“No,” He says slowly. “Okay, me and Lily will sit somewhere else. Good luck, Padfoot.”

The two of them choose a table as far away from us as possible. Thank goodness!

“What the hell was that?” Sirius frowns at me from across our table. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I cut into your precious friendship time?!”

“I feel like you’re mad,” He says cautiously. 

“Why would I be mad?” I snap at him. 

“I don’t know,” He shrugs. 

He wouldn’t know. Because I didn’t tell him. I am once again single-handedly boycotting our communication. 

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, genuinely this time. “I’m just confused about today.”

“Why is that?” He asks. 

“Today is a date, right?” He nods. “Then how come we’ve spend the entire day with your friends?”

“We spend it with yours as well,” He frowns. 

“Only for lunch. We’ve spend the rest of the day with Remus and Peter or James and Lily.”

“We haven’t,” He shakes his head. 

“Really? Tell me one moment where it was just the two of us?” I challenge. 

He opens his mouth, ready to retort, only to come up short. He can’t think of such a moment, because there hasn’t been one. 

“Oh,” He eventually says. “Okay, I see. I might have gone a bit overboard today.”

“Because….?”

“My friends are important to me,” He explains. 

“I know that.”

My friends are important to me too. It’s one of the things Sirius and I can easily agree on. But I still didn’t drag mine along for the entire date. 

“And you’re important to me too. I want you all to get along. I want you to like them and I want them to like you. I suppose I sort of forget that it’s important for us to spend time alone so you’ll like me too.”

“I like you,” I roll my eyes at him. “That much should have been obvious by now. And I also like your friends. But it’s not them I wanted to go on a date with.”

He takes hold of my hand and squeezes it in apology. 

“I’ll do better on the other dates,” He promises. 

“This was our first date though,” I sigh. 

I guess I just had very high expectations about today. After the disastrous start we took, I wanted some milestones to go smoothly.

“No, it’s not,” He shakes his head. 

“Well, it was our do-over. You know, a date where you’re not intoxicated and I’m not being forced to be here.” 

“That does sound better than the initial one,” He nods. “And then I botched it up.”

“I still had fun today,” I assure him. “It just didn’t feel like much of a date.”

“Well, the day is not over yet. We can still go somewhere together, just the two of us, where we won’t run into any friends,” He tells me excitedly, obviously not having paid attention to the hour. 

“We have thirty minutes before the last carriage leaves,” I remind him. “And I’m not walking back to the castle, definitely not with the air looking ready to burst into a downpour.”

“I’m usually a good date,” He frowns miserably. 

“Next time,” I assure him. 

But the thing is that next time is still far away. We can only go on proper dates when there’s a Hogsmeade trip and that only happens once a month. While I’m very confident that we’ll still be going strong in four weeks, I kind of don’t want to have to wait that long to have some time with just the two of us. In between classes, homework and obviously our friends, most of our alone time is spend in a broom cupboard. Because lets be honest, when you’re in a castle constantly surrounded by other people and your boyfriend is Sirius Black, you need make-outs in a little space. I’m an hormonal teenager and my lad is gorgeous. You can’t blame me for getting carried away with that. But those moments don’t count as dates. I feel like there are still a lot of things I don’t know about Sirius and this would have been the ideal opportunity to dig a little deeper and get even closer. 

“We should head back,” I decide, getting up from my seat. 

“Lena-“ He starts, looking kind of miserable.

“Come on,” I take his hand and press a kiss to his cheek, to make sure he knows I’m not angry. “Since we missed that alley time, we can try to catch an empty carriage.”

We do end up having a carriage all to ourselves but there is no hot make-out session in it. Sirius doesn’t seem to be very into it, and to be honest, neither am I. It’s actually kind of nice to just sit there and have his arm around my shoulder, listening to him telling me some story about the last time he went to Hogsmeade where he and Remus had spent a big portion of the time spying on Peter’s date. 

He doesn’t bring the failed date up again until he walks me to my common room and we say goodbye. 

“I’m really sorry about today,” He frowns. “I don’t want to sound cocky, but I usually don’t get complaints.”  
“Well, I’m assuming you don’t drag the Marauders with you on every date.”

“That is true,” He smiles. “You’re special.”

“Why thank you,” I know I’m not blushing but I still feel the temperature in my face rise. Still trying to play it cool though. 

“Really, Lena, I will make it up to you,” He promises. 

“You don’t have to,” I give him a last kiss on the lips. “You apologising is really all I needed. It’s fine, Sirius. I still had a good day. I’ll see you at dinner later on.”

I go through the entrance to our common room and look for my friends. I want to know how their day went as well since I didn’t really catch up with anyone over lunch. I also want to tell April that Marauders even follow one another to Madam Puddifoot’s. I find them huddled by the fire and April seems to have filled in our friends on the conversation we had in the bathroom. When they excitedly ask me whether I got to enjoy my time alone with Sirius, I’m almost sorry to disappoint them. 

“He didn’t know a date includes alone time?” Nora frowns a bit disbelievingly. 

“Obviously he does,” Mac rolls her eyes and I am momentarily reminded of the fact that two years ago we talked about the date she had with Sirius. From her retelling, we definitely know he knows it includes alone time. “But this is a good thing.”

“How?” April scoffs. 

“He’s used to playing the charming dreamboat, doing whatever the girl will expect on the perfect date.”

“So he wasn’t charming and quite selfish today, doing what he wanted to do, which is obviously be around his friends all the time. How is that good?” April rolls her eyes at Mac. 

“Because Lena didn’t go on a date with the Hogwarts Heartthrob who can make any girl have a good time.” That much is obvious. I almost feel like I got cheated out of the experience. “You went on a date with Sirius, the person. Isn’t that better?”

I look at her in contemplation. I hadn’t thought about it like that before. Although, that’s not true. I see the Sirius that is laying on the charm, can wind everyone around his finger and takes great efforts to project a strong and mysterious persona. I don’t always like that guy, even though I can be just as affected by the charm as any other girl. Sirius is guarded but I can still see his vulnerability beneath the surface, his surprising gentleness, his wit, his intelligence, his loyalty, his bravery. I think I see a lot more than he is used to showing. It surprises me every time he allows me another glimpse, a step closer. Maybe today wasn’t about going on a date with Sirius Black, it was about becoming a more permanent fixture in his life, and the Marauders are a huge part of his life. 

“He obviously thinks about the two of you seriously if he wants you to get close to his friends,” Mac continues when I don’t respond. 

She’s right. Today wasn’t a date, but it was still better. 

I leave the common room with my friends to go to dinner in the Great Hall in a much better mood than I arrived. This date hadn’t been the one I envisioned but that’s fine. I told Sirius before but this time I mean it. 

I never get to the Great Hall because about one hallway removed from it, I get intercepted by my boyfriend, dragging me away from my friends. 

“You’ll miss dinner!” April shouts after us. 

“I’ll make sure to feed her!” Sirius shouts back at her as he drags me in the opposite direction of the Great Hall. 

Feed her? Am I a pet now?

“Where are we going?” I ask him as he steers me up the staircase. 

“It’s a surprise,” He turns to me with a wide smile and dangles a blindfold in front of me. 

“Have I told you yet that I hate surprises?” I frown at the thing as though it just insulted me. 

“It’s a little late to spring that information on me, plans have already been set in motion,” He just pushes the blindfold a little closer with an expecting gaze. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

“What is it with you Marauders trying to blindfold me,” I sigh as I take it from his hands. 

He raises an eyebrow at me. 

“Peter’s birthday party,” I explain, to which he nods. 

“Well, this will be a slightly different setting,” I see him smile at me before I rob myself of my eyesight with the piece of cloth. 

“Lead the way,” I gesture in what I think is his position but he could have moved since I last saw him. “Do not lead me into a wall!”

“I wouldn’t dare,” I can hear him smile as he grabs my hand and gently tugs me along. 

He steers me up several flights of stairs, down a hallway and up more stairs. I really feel he blindfolded me a little too early. I could have still walked this part, it would have been much quicker. Though Sirius is surprisingly attentive in making sure I take all the steps right and don’t walk or stumble into anything. 

As I take the last step and come upon a flat part, I am whipped around the head by a cold wind. That can only mean one thing. And since I just went up a bunch of stairs to get here, we can only be in one place. 

“The Astronomy Tower,” I say, as I take off my blindfold and see that I am right. 

“Did I tell you to take it off yet?” Sirius teases. 

I haven’t been back here since I was here for the first time with Sirius on Amortentia. It looks exactly the same, and I do mean exactly the same. There is once again a blanket set out with a picnic basket placed on top of it. Though there hadn’t been a charm set in place to protect it all from the rain that is magically disappearing a few meter above us. 

I turn my head to my right to pretty much just gape at Sirius. 

“If you want a do-over, we should do it properly,” He smiles before tugging at my hand and leading me to the picnic he set up for us. 

I sit down on the blanket and notice once again that he was gallant enough to place a cushioning charm on it. I suppose that wasn’t part of the Love Potion then. 

“Let me guess,” I look at the basket. “Pumpkin Juice, Tuna sandwiches and blueberry pie?”

All my favourites that he packed in the basket last time. 

“Euhm, no,” He blinks at me owlishly. “Was I supposed to?”

“Well, not supposed to,” I frown. “But that’s what you did the first time. It’s my favourite.”

“I know it’s your favourite,” He rolls his eyes me. “But the House Elves baked an apple pie and prepped a lasagne. I do have pumpkin juice though.”

“I love all sorts of pie, really,” I smile as he passes me the food. 

“I’m well aware,” He laughs. “Which is why I got you two pieces. I don’t want you stealing mine.”

He does know me so well. It’s himself he doesn’t seem to be that aware of. 

“Do you really not remember?” I ask him. “What you brought last time?”

He had made such a big deal out of remembering my favourite food when we were here the first time, I’m surprised he doesn’t remember. Then again, he did tell me that he doesn’t recall everything that happened when he was under the influence of the Love Potion. 

“I told you before, I don’t remember everything. Some parts are clear as day like the kiss,” He winks at me and I would totally be annoyed by that if him remembering that particular part didn’t lead to us being here today. “Others are vague and have really only made sense when confirmed by others. I don’t even really recall seeing anyone other than you that day but I know I must have. I don’t remember talking to James but he’s told me all about what an ass I was.”

“Do you not remember the date?” I frown. 

I know it isn’t fair to be disappointed that he doesn’t recall a moment that messed with his head so much. But it messed with mine as well, even though that wasn’t a side-effect from a potion on my part. This date was the beginning of starting to see him as something other than my very annoying classmate who had it out for me, I want it to mean as much to him as it does to me. That won’t be the case though, if he doesn’t even remember it. 

“No, I do. The parts with you in it are actually really sharp. Just not always what I do. I also think I might have just stared at you a couple times as well, not really registering much in my brain.” That does sound like an accurate description of what he was like when he ingested Amortentia. “We talked about… Quidditch.”

“Briefly,” I admit. 

“Me being jealous of James,” He rolls his eyes as though that’s such a ridiculous notion. I decide not to comment on it. “And-“

He doesn’t finish what else we talked about because I remember the other prominent topic. I’m sure he does too considering the pointed and somewhat awkward expression he’s giving me now. 

“Yeah, we talked about that too,” I nod. 

“We don’t have to do that again,” He says flippantly as though it wasn’t a big deal that he opened up to me about his family. Granted, he wasn’t entirely himself but I hope he knows he can still talk to me about stuff like that when he is 100% himself. 

“We could though,” I suggest and the horrified frown he gives me is probably my answer to that idea. “We don’t have to but, I do have some… questions?”

“Questions?” He repeats. “What’s there to be confused about? My parents are horrible people. The end.”

He hasn’t spoken to me about his family since then but I’ve noticed that he sometimes cracks sort of inappropriate jokes about them to the Marauders, who laugh along with it as though that’s nothing new, and I suppose for them, it isn’t. He makes back-handed comments about his mother, his father, even his aunt at some point, but never his brother. 

“It’s very clear you have nothing but loathing for your parents, but what about your brother?” I ask him cautiously and with good reason because as soon as I mention him, Sirius locks down his expression and I can’t tell what he’s thinking anymore. It’s clearly not anything good though. 

“Why are you trying to ruin our picnic?” He snaps at me. 

Don’t get upset about his tone. He’s defensive because he’s feeling vulnerable. It’s a sensitive topic. 

“I’m not ruining anything,” I sigh. “It’s just something I was wondering about.”

“Yet, I don’t see us discussing your family!”

“We can,” I shrug. “There’s just not much to tell.”

I love my family. They’re great, supportive, loving, accepting. I won the jack-pot. Sirius didn’t. I don’t want to rub that in. 

“You never talk about your brother either!” He scowls angrily. 

“You’ve never asked,” I point out. 

That seems to calm him by a fraction, frowning over the fact that he indeed never asked me before. That’s alright. Because of his own bad experience with family, it’s just not in his nature to ask about others’. 

“Didn’t realise I had to ask,” He still grumbles petulantly. 

“Well, my brother’s name is Jackson. He’s a fifth year Gryffindor, which you know because when you blew up a couch in your common room last year, he was amongst the students who got injured.”

“You were mad,” He smiles faintly. 

“With good reason.”

The injury was minor but Jackson, and several of his house mates, being admitted to the hospital wing because of scorched skin, regardless of how easily fixed, got me fuming. Me and James had only recently broken up so I had taken to avoiding him and his friends. I couldn’t do that when they injured my brother though. I couldn’t yell at James either because some other allegations might have come out, and people would assume I was only yelling at him because I was still upset about the break-up. So instead I yelled at someone no one would be surprised over. I verbally ripped Sirius a new one. In hindsight, he might have liked that. 

“So over-protective,” He teases. 

“He’s my little brother,” I shrug, momentarily forgetting that Sirius has a little brother of his own.

He didn’t forget. While he was slowly starting to relax a little bit since I brought up his family, that little comment immediately makes him tense up again. He glares at me as though I just threatened to use brutal force to get him to open up to me. I think I should try a different approach. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” I tell him gently. 

“You have questions,” He snaps. 

Wow, I really hit a nerve. And I thought I was being delicate about it. 

“Not having them answered will not kill me,” I roll my eyes at… well, myself. And the fact that after Sirius went through all the trouble of a do-over for our original date, I am ruining it myself. “Like I said, we don’t have to talk about it. But I hope you know that if you do want to, I’m here. We can talk about serious stuff like that too.”

His mouth twitches, preparing himself to make a terrible pun. 

“Do not make that joke,” I scoff. “Just… think about it, okay?”

“Okay,” He eventually nods. 

I don’t know if he ever will but it’s important that he knows he can talk to me about stuff like that, that he can depend on me to help unburden him. I hope we can get to a point where there’s nothing we can’t discuss with one another. Clearly, we have a long way to go for that to happen, on both sides, but it doesn’t seem as improbable as it did a few weeks ago. 

“So…. Apple pie?”


	9. Wary Watchers

“What is wrong with you?” Mac frowns at me when I sit down for breakfast the following Thursday. 

“Euhm, nothing?”

I’m confused. Did I say something, do something? I haven’t whined about my relationship issues since the date, because there hasn’t really been any new issue. Sirius still won’t talk to me about his family but I’m going to assume heavy stuff like that should be part of the long-term plan. 

“Not you,” She sighs. “April.”

I turn around to see my friend standing behind me. When did she get here? And she definitely looks like something is wrong with her. She’s clearly worried about something. Weird, why didn’t she say anything?

“Nothing,” She sighs as she sits down. 

Mackenzie doesn’t look like she believes her but shrugs anyway before skipping of to do Merlin knows what. April will not get rid of me that easily. 

“What’s going on?” I frown in concern. 

“Nothing,” She repeats. 

I give her a clear disbelieving look. 

“It’s probably nothing,” She tries again. 

“It’s not nothing if it puts that look on your face.”

I’m not very familiar with that look. I’ve seen it before but out of all my friends, April is the one who has her shit together, doesn’t take crap from anyone, and I’ve never known any teenage girl with an overwhelming confidence like hers. She’s not that April today. She seems pale and unsure about something, almost fidgety. 

“Hector’s been weird,” She eventually confides in me. 

“My cousin has always been weird, but I assume you mean different from his usual peculiarness?”

“I feel like he’s avoiding me,” She kind of… pouts, and it’s a very weird thing to behold on her face. “He’s been spending all his time away from me, out of the common room, and he won’t tell me what he’s doing.”

“You’ve asked him?” 

Hector is a shitty liar, has been that way since we were kids. Me and Elias, Hector’s older brother, never entrusted him with any of our shenanigans because we knew he’d spill the beans to our parents. And the two of us did a lot of stuff that could potentially get us into a lot of trouble. It was very important Hector never knew about them. Even Jackson, who’s five years younger than Elias, made a better partner in crime than the youngest Gamp brother. 

“He gets all shady and stuttering and then runs off.”

Yep, that’s what Hector does when he’s trying to hide something. I’m sure April already knows that by now, but I still don’t see what he could be hiding from his girlfriend in the first place. What is he up to?

“Do you want me to ask him about it?”

Because I’m not above resorting to childhood tactics like threatening him with a wedgie or messing with his Quidditch gear to get the truth out of him. I’m sure April wouldn’t try that approach but I would. Sure, Hector’s grown at lot since then and pretty much towers over me now but I know his weaknesses. 

“No,” She shakes her head though I can tell she’s tempted with the possibility of bringing me out as her wild card. “I suppose he’ll tell me when he’s ready?”

She doesn’t seem too convinced. Unlike with Sirius, I don’t think letting him come to terms on his own pace is the way we should approach Hector on this. He responds better to insistence and threats. Just because she didn’t ask me to drag it out of him, doesn’t mean I can’t get involved on my own accord. 

“Lena, do you think-“ She starts but then stops herself. “No, I shouldn’t ask you.”

“Ask me,” I insist. 

“No,” She shakes her head. “You’re my best friend, but he’s your cousin. You’re close, he’s like a brother to you. I don’t want to put you on the spot.”

“He is my cousin, we grew up together,” I agree. “But if he’s doing something wrong, and if he’s hurting you, I’m still going kick his ass over it.”

When they got together, that was my only concern. If they ever hurt one another, I’d be stuck in the middle. These are two of the most important people in my life, I don’t want to ruin those bonds because they hurt someone else dear to me. They were both really understanding about that. April said she would never put me between the two of them, which she is trying to respect right now, and Hector was kind of insulted that I even suggested he would hurt her. All good, or so I thought. 

“You sure?” She frowns. 

“Ask me.”

“Do you think…. Hector might be cheating on me?”

“Hahahahaha!” I burst out in laughter because what the hell?! She’s staring at me in shocked anger though. Right, this is not an appropriate response. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know that was a serious question but, April, no! Not in a million years!”

“Are you sure?” She frowns. “Because a lot of girls think they can trust their boyfriends and end up feeling so silly for never questioning his weird behaviour.”

“You already got the questioning part down,” I shrug. “I don’t know what it is he’s hiding but I can assure you it’s not a side-chick.”

Hector had been chasing after April for over a year before she finally gave him a chance. He was crazy about her before she even saw him as anything other than my younger cousin. He looks at my best friend like she’s a freaking miracle. There is no one else for him. He would never do anything that could possibly make him lose her after all the trouble he went thought to catch her in the first place.

“Okay,” She nods. “That makes me feel a bit better. He’ll tell me. Maybe it’s not even a bad thing, perhaps he’s working on some kind of surprise. Perhaps for my birthday?”

Neither of us mentions out loud that her birthday isn’t for another six months. Also, ‘working on a surprise’ is the excuse I gave Sirius to get him off my back. Though I know Hector isn’t seeing someone else, I do wonder what it is that’s taking up all his time, enough for his girlfriend, who doesn’t really get jealous or insecure, to think he’s got other priorities. 

I decide to start my own investigation into my cousin’s activities. April might have told me not to but she’s definitely gotten me curious to the reason of Hector’s evasive behaviour. But just like she warned me, he’s not in the common room or the Great Hall after classes have ended for the day. All his friends are sitting in the common room though. He’s not with them, he’s not with April, he’s not with me, there is no Quidditch training. That’s odd. 

“Brandon,” I call out to Hector’s best friend. If anyone knows where I can find him, it should be him. “Where’s Hector?”

The sixth year Ravenclaw frowns, before admitting he doesn’t know. 

“He didn’t say where he was going?”

“He didn’t say,” Another guy in their group answers but I do not recall his name. “But he left in the direction of the Library.”

“Thank you,” I shout at him before leaving the common room myself. Off to the Library then. 

It’s not that odd for Hector to be there, the sorting hat did make him a Ravenclaw for a reason. But he hates studying and doing homework on his own. He’s a social fellow, also he needs other people to remind him to keep focused on the task at hand. He’s smart, but he has a relative short attention span. 

As I enter the Library, I want to go search for my cousin but I stumble on such an unusual sight, I get side-tracked for a moment. Sirius is sitting at one of the tables, apparently doing homework. His friends don’t appear to be around so I don’t think they dragged him against his will like Remus is forced to do sometimes, nor does it look like a set-up of a prank. 

“Are you about to blow up the Library?” I whisper to him as I take a seat next to him at the table. 

“I was tempted,” He grins at me, setting down his quill. “But Madam Pince does actually terrify me a bit.”

“What are you doing?” I frown as I glance over the parchment he had been working on. “Shielding Charms? That’s not due for another week. Are you sick?”

“Me doing my homework well in advance must mean I’m sick?” He laughs. “Your faith in me is astounding.”

“On the contrary,” I smile at him. “I know you have the wits to postpone all of it to the very last minute and still get top grades.”

It’s really unfair. I work a lot harder than he, or James, does, yet my grades aren’t up to par with theirs. I’ve accepted my inferiority in that regard though. 

“Paying me compliments?” He winks. “You must want something from me.”

“All I want to know is why you are sitting in the Library working on a paper that isn’t due for another couple of days by yourself? It’s not really in your habits.”

He doesn’t look insulted at my question. Instead he leans forward as though he’s about to confide a secret in me.

“I’m putting on a show,” He whispers to me. 

A show? I glance around me. Who is the audience then? The only other people here are three fourth year Hufflepuffs gossiping and giggling one table away. They keep throwing eager looks in our direction though. Well, Sirius’ direction. He’s putting on a show for them?

I turn back to him to glare at him. Why is he putting on shows for girls? What’s the purpose of it?

“Not them,” He scoffs, rolling his eyes at me. Then he looks in the direction of the book shelf to his right, which I believe is part of the History of Magic Section. 

As I follow his gaze there, I see something move behind the book shelf and hear something drop. There’s someone hiding there. 

“I’ve acquired shadows,” Sirius smiles, as though someone spying on him doesn’t bother him in the slightest. 

“You’ve got a stalker?” I frown. I know many girls in this castle are intrigued by the bloke but I don’t think any of them would resort to following him around. Well, Polly kind of did but she was very open about it. 

“Wouldn’t call it that. They’re harmless.”

They? Is his secret fan club getting into action? Because I can handle Polly, but I can’t handle a small army of girls who believe Sirius should be theirs. 

“Have you told them to fuck off?” I huff. 

Because that’s what he should be doing. 

“I think they would be more likely to listen to that coming from you,” He smiles widely. 

He wants me to fend off his stalkers? Shouldn’t he do that himself? Then again, he doesn’t seem to be that bothered by them. I guess I’ll be doing the telling off then. 

“Tell them they should really work a bit more on their subtlety. I realised they were following me from the get go.”

I give him a weirded out look over that. Why wouldn’t he just tell them himself if they’ve been following him around for what appears to be while? 

I walk behind the bookshelf but do not find a couple of blushing girls peeking at their crush through the open spaces between the books, fumbling and stuttering at being caught by the girlfriend of their object of affection. Instead I find the boy I was originally looking for in the company of my brother, looking as busted as the girls I expected would have been. Hector and Jackson are trying to play it cool though. 

“Hey, Lena,” Hector smiles brightly at me, from his seat at the table where he looks to have just sat down in. “What’s up? I’m just helping Jack with his homework.”

“There are no books on your table,” I point out. “Also the piece of parchment Jackson is pretending to write on is upside down. How were you planning on writing something down without ink anyway?”

If they’re going to pretend they were just studying, they should really have put it in the effort of making their surroundings believable to the lie. 

“We just got here, Lena,” Jackson scoffs. “We were having a chat first.”

“Right,” I nod, not believing them for a second. “And you weren’t just spying on Sirius Black then? And have been doing so for a while?”

They’re looking at me as though they have no idea what I’m talking about. Jackson’s face is actually quite believable but Hector’s is betraying the lie, even if I didn’t know the truth yet. They’re stalking Sirius. Why? 

“No,” Hector gasps out a little too loud, following it with a nervous laugh. Does he think anyone believes that? 

“Why are you stalking my boyfriend?”

“Because you’re calling him that,” Jackson snaps. 

“Dude,” Hector gapes at him. “She was buying it.”

“No, she wasn’t,” He scoffs. “Fine, Lena. We’re following Sirius Black.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re dating him,” He says in a tone of voice as though I’m stupid for questioning their motives. “We want to know what we’re dealing with.”

“This is not new information,” I frown. “I told you about me and Sirius weeks ago.”

“Things are different,” Jackson simply huffs. 

“How have things changed?”

“You wrote mum about him,” He sounds as though he’s accusing me of crimes against our family. All I did was tell my mother I have a boyfriend. 

After the conversation I had with Sirius on our tower picnic about family, I realised that I do want to be able to talk to him about my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my cousins. And it’s the same the other way around. I want to tell them about him as well. It’s become serious enough between the two of us that I want to be able to do that. I simply wanted to confide in my mother that I had found someone who makes me feel things I didn’t even know I could feel, maybe get some advice on how to try and keep a level-minded head about it and not let these butterflies run away with me. I didn’t mean for my family to start shadowing the guy I fancy. 

“I’m allowed to write to her about whatever I want,” I reply defensively. “I never complained when you go whining to her about me.”

That only happened once because he had been embarrassed when I had tried to mother him after an accident in Potions that scared me more than it did him, and I only let it go because mum had told me that I should try not to make him appear weak in front of his friends, no matter how well-intended my concern. 

“Well, when you write to her ‘He’s infuriatingly great, and I think I’m might be seriously falling for him’, we have concerns.”

“How do you know that?” I gasp. 

I told my mother this in confidence. Merlin, I haven’t even told April the extent of my feelings for Sirius. One of the reasons I told my mum, and none of my friends, is because she’s not around to give me a hard time over it. Instead, she is now letting the goons do it for her. 

“She wrote it to us,” Hectors shrugs. “Actually, my dad wrote it to me and told me to tell Jackson. Your mum told him since we all know they’re two peas in a pot.”

My mother and her brother, Hector’s father, are absurdly close. I’ve always assumed it’s a twin thing. I didn’t know that included talks about my dating life as well though. 

“It’s none of his business either!” I snap. 

“On the contrary. He wrote, and I quote,” Hector pulls out a letter and scrapes his throat. “As Lena seems to currently be residing on cloud nine, it’s is up to you to asses the boy with a clear head. This is her first serious relationship and I will not have it be with someone who’d take advantage of her generosity.”

“That is not up to Uncle Ulrick to decide. He makes me sound ditzy and I’m not!”

April would probably agree that Sirius Black has a way of turning off my brain but I do still know what I’m doing. Being in a relationship with Sirius isn’t always easy but for me, it’s worth the effort. I don’t think my family would see it the same way but I don’t remember asking them for their opinion. 

“They’re not just worried about you,” Jackson smiles. “Tell her what grandpa wrote.”

“Ah, yes,” Hector nods enthusiastically. “Once again, I quote, because I could not come up with this myself: ‘Blacks are notorious nutcases. Make sure this boy has his wits about him or get him to stay the hell way from my only granddaughter’.” 

“Did everyone get involved?” I gasp. 

I’d like so say I’m surprised at our grandfather putting in his two cents as well but I’m not really. The only thing I’m surprised at is the fact that Elias hasn’t written down some opinion on what needs to be done as well. 

“Brother kept it short and just said to inform Black that we know a lot of hexes in between all of us,” Hector says, as though reading my mind. 

“Great, everyone got involved,” I sigh. I’d be mortified by the fact that my dating life appears to be the talk of the family, if I wasn’t just so pissed that they’re all doubting my own judge of character. 

“Dad didn’t,” Jackson shakes his head. “He seems to think you’re more than capable of handling this yourself.”

Thank you, dad!

“Obviously that’s the Pellt naivety,” Hector huffs. “Gamps are a little more hands on.”

“Since when?”

Seriously, this invasive behaviour is kind of new. My family is tight and they always tell each other everything but I’ve never experienced it to this degree. The worst thing they’d all been aware of up until now was when I failed my Potions NEWT. 

“Since you’re dating,” Jackson rolls his eyes. 

“You never made a fuss with James,” I point out. 

“You never wrote to mum about him.”

That is true. Despite me liking James, my feelings for Sirius are a lot deeper and more intense. Also, I was never in love with James. I think I’m falling in love with Sirius. And that’s already scary enough without my family making it worse. 

“Regardless of what everybody else thinks, it’s still no one’s business but my own,” I glare at him. 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Jackson mutters. 

“Lena,” Hector sighs. “I know it’s a bit much but it comes from a good place. We’re worried, especially considering Black’s reputation. We just wanted to make sure this is a guy deserving of your affections. If it’s any consolation, so far he’s been doing really well. For a notorious flirt, as well as a nutcase, he seems to realise that he’s got a good thing with you. I haven’t seen him make any advances on another girl.”

I trust Sirius. I do. But sometimes the attention he gets from girls, and the way he laps it up, makes me a bit insecure. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I’m still really pleased to hear Hector and Jackson haven’t caught him doing something that would hurt me. Then again, he’s known them to be following him around from the start. 

“What are you talking about?” Jackson scoffs. “Since we’ve kept an eye on him, three days ago, girls have been flocking around him. Like flies to shit, and the shit loves it.”

I’m not used to Jackson being so crude. What’s his issue with Sirius? Because Hector’s smiling and sensible, probably being true to this just being about making sure I won’t get hurt, but Jackson appears to have a deeper-rooted issue with my boyfriend. 

“He loves the attention, yes, I’m assuming that’s just in his nature. But he hasn’t flirted with any of those girls. He’s kept a respectable distance. I was also surprised to find him spending so much time in the Library,” He frowns. 

“Yes, about that; he knows you’ve been tailing him this entire time. Looks like you shouldn’t bet your money on a future career as private detectives just yet.”

“So what? He’s just been indulging us?” Jackson frowns. 

“Yes.”

“That’s pretty cool of him,” Hector says to which me and my brother frown at him. “He could have just threatened us to leave him alone. Instead he allowed us to tail him. Perhaps he wanted us to be pleased with what we saw.”

Huh. I suppose that might be true. 

“Whatever,” Jackson continues to scowl. 

“For the record, I liked what I saw.” Hector smiles kindly at me. 

“You’ll leave him alone then?” I ask him hopefully. 

“We’ll continue for another day,” He shakes his head. “Just to be sure.”

It doesn’t look like I’ll get them to back off. It also didn’t look like Sirius minded terribly much. One more day it is then. 

“Fine,” I huff. “But you are in serious trouble, mister, your dodgy behaviour is worrying your girlfriend. Putting silly ideas in her head. So before butting into my relationship, you might want to save yours.”

My cousin pales at the warning before storming out of the Library, probably going to beg April for her forgiveness. I assume he just didn’t want to tell her what he was up to because that would come back to me and there clearly was a point to not telling me what they were up to. In doing so he worried April, something I’m pretty sure he never considered. They’ll work it out. 

“Now,” I turn to my brother. “what is your issue with Sirius Black?”

“I don’t like him,” He tells me bluntly. 

“You don’t know him.”

“I know enough,” He scoffs. 

“You know his reputation. You don’t know him.”

I don’t believe they’ve ever had a conversation before though it wouldn’t be that odd for them to speak to one another in the common room. He doesn’t know Sirius. If he did, I think he’d really like him. 

“You’re not ugly, are you?” He suddenly asks. 

“Excuse me?” I gasp. 

“I’m just saying, there have to be other guys that’ll put up with you?”

My brother, the sensitive fellow. 

“I don’t want another guy,” I shrug, to which he heaves a deep sigh. 

“Did it have to be Regulus Black’s brother?”

Ah, the real reason revealed. My brother has some kind of very hostile rivalry with Sirius’ younger brother, the same way many Gryffindors do with many Slytherins. Or perhaps more like James does with Severus Snape. But Sirius is nothing like the rest of his family. If Jackson can’t realise that yet, he will eventually. I’m just glad it’s nothing really personal. 

“If it’s any consolation, I’m sure Regulus Black finds it as awful as you do.”

Despite Sirius’ disownment, I don’t think his family would be pleased to hear that he’s dating me. The Gamps are a well-known family, though not pure by the Black’s standards. But my last name is Pellt, not Gamp, and that comes from a long line of muggles with my father being the first wizard born in his family. Nope, I definitely wouldn’t be pure enough for a Black, not even their rejects. Luckily, me nor Sirius care about that. 

“That does help,” Jackson nods. 

“Good,” I press a gentle kiss to the top of his head at which he scowls. “While you’re here, you might as well study for real. Because I’m going to go kiss my boyfriend now and if you don’t want to see that, I suggest you look to your books.”

I smile as I leave the corner of the Library, hearing Jackson pull out his things from his book bag. Good, he should study. It is his OWL year after all. 

I return to Sirius table where I left him but he seems more pre-occupied with doodling than keeping up the pretence of studying.

“Did you get them to back off?” He asks me as I sit down next to him again. 

“Nope, they’re staying,” I grin. “Good luck with that.”

“What?”

“You are being subjected to what is apparently collective Gamp stalking, which I wasn’t even aware of was a thing. For what it’s worth, you’re doing really well so far,” I shrug. 

“Endure it?”

“Please?”

It doesn’t take him long to nod. Thank goodness, he’s not making a fuss about this the way I’ve been. I lean forward to reward him with a deep kiss. Me enjoying it as well is just a bonus. 

“Don’t know what’s gotten into them,” I whisper against his lips when I pull away. 

“They’re being protective. It’s nice.”

“It’s unusual.” I frown. 

We’re tight, but we’re not generally overprotective. My grandfather is a firm believer that you have to fall down and get up a couple of times in life to get stronger, a belief he also instilled in his children, who pass it on to our generation. So them suddenly being so over-bearing is a bit unexpected. 

“It’s family,” He says, in a tone that makes me think his mind is on his own. And that’s usually a bad thing. 

“Does that mean I’ll find myself stalked by the Marauders soon?” I ask with a frown and it has the desired effect of drawing a smile on his face. 

“Nope, you’re good. They approved ages ago.”


	10. Fragile Feelings

Jackson and Hector stopped following Sirius around by the end of the week and April quickly forgave her boyfriend once he explained the whole situation. She did scold him for thinking I couldn’t make a sound decision on who to date myself. It’s nice to know that despite her own reservations towards Sirius, she still has my back. Which is a good thing because I have fallen in love with him, which I’ve told April. I think it’s supposed to be a good thing but I keep getting really nauseous whenever I think of telling him that. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet. Maybe he’s not quite ready to hear it either. 

Despite me not saying what’s in my heart, me and Sirius have been doing really well. I’ve been hanging out a lot more with the Marauders lately, as Sirius made clear how important it is that we’re all palls. The three of them are a lot easier to be nice to than Polly was. Remus, who has always seemed rather nice though a bit distant, seems to be warming up to me and I find him quite ingenious and clever. It’s becoming clear that despite them all being smart boys, he’s the master of operations behind their more elaborate pranks. Peter appears to be quite a loyal friend to the other Marauders. Despite his own doubts towards their shenanigans, he always tags along. And James, who I had been friends with before at some point, seems to have let all the awkwardness between us go and it does feel like we’re back in a good place. If only I could say the same about Lily Evans. 

Spending more time with James has inevitably revived our friendship. While I’m quite thrilled with that, and I suspect Sirius and James are as well – we’re tired of being weird when it’s just the three of us – Lily most definitely is not. I always thought that if me and Sirius got more stable, and it would become clearer to her that James is not the Marauder I want to be with, she’d relax around me to some extent. Instead it’s been the opposite. The longer me and Sirius are together, the colder she gets around me. It’s gotten to a point where even the four boys can’t ignore the iciness between the two of us whenever we’re within talking distance. 

“Weren’t you having lunch with Sirius?” Nora asks me as I sit down next to her in the Great Hall.

“I was,” I shrug, as I reach for the bread. “But I changed my mind.”

She glances over my shoulder to the Gryffindor table. 

“Lily have anything to do with that?” She pins me down with a knowing look. 

“I already got to enjoy her cold shoulder during Transfiguration. I don’t need any more of it today.”

At first, I thought she was just being unpleasant whenever we were around James, which given the fact that they’re joined to the hip is most of the time, but she hasn’t been any nicer when he’s not there. So I’m started to doubt whether my past with her boyfriend is really the problem here. I’d ask her what her issue is but I’m a bit worried about what her answer could be, also that would mean having a genuine conversation with her. 

“Lily’s really not that hard to get along with,” Nora frowns. 

“Says you, her fellow prefect who did not date James Potter in the past.”

“Is she really that territorial?”

“I wouldn’t have thought so but that seems to be the most logical conclusion to come to. That, or she really just doesn’t like me as a person.” That’s actually a more terrifying thought. There are other girls in this castle that don’t like me but that’s usually because I can’t keep my mouth shut around self-centred twats. As I don’t have an issue with Lily, I don’t see why she would with me. I’ve always been really nice to her, even when James dumped me for her. “And she really doesn’t know me well enough to hate me on that principle.”

Nora is about to say something else, probably to make me feel better about the red-haired girl hating me, when we are joined by an unlikely companion. I stare at Tammie who sat down next to Nora as if this is a regular occurrence. 

“Hello,” I blink at her. 

Not that she’s not allowed to sit here, it’s her house’s table. But out of sheer loyalty to her best friend, she has started to avoid me ever since me and Sirius got together. It’s not as though we were very close before that moment either, as I don’t like the girl she’s always with. 

“Hi, Lena,” She smiles at me before serving herself to the meal. 

I try to share a confused look with Nora but she doesn’t seem to find this as odd as I do. Did this become a regular occurrence when I was busy having meals at the Gryffindor table? 

“Aren’t you… missing someone?” I ask her, trying to be careful about it. I don’t want her to think she’s not welcome. I’ve never had an issue with Tammie before, and with me, April and Mackenzie all occasionally getting caught up in our love drama, I know Nora has appreciated her company. 

“Polly’s with her boyfriend,” She rolls her eyes. 

“Her what?!” I gasp. 

For one small second I feel like a fourth year again and I think Polly’s boyfriend is my boyfriend. Of course that’s not the case because Sirius is my boyfriend, also he and Polly aren’t talking. Which means Polly must have found a new victim. Could it be? 

“Polly’s got a new boyfriend. Fifth year Gryffindor Chaser, Matthew Castle,” She shrugs. 

“Fifth year?”

Two years younger is a lot at this stage in life. 

“She says he’s mature,” She tells it as though she doesn’t believe it. “We all know it’s a rebound.”

Ah, so not completely over Sirius then. Still, this is something that will take time out of her busy schedule of following him around and glaring at me. It’s freaking good news. 

“Does Sirius know?” 

Wouldn’t he have told me though? He knows how happy this news would make me. 

“Don’t know,” Tammie huffs. 

“Can I tell him?” I smile brightly. 

He would also be happy about that news. 

“Don’t see why not. I’m sure she wants him to know.”

Probably for all kinds of delusional things she’s hoping to get out of it. Despite her never getting that ever again, I do still want to be the bearer of such good news. 

“I’m going to tell him right now,” I get up from the table. 

“I thought you didn’t want to sit there right now,” Nora frowns.

“This is too important to let the awkwardness get to me.”

I’ll just focus all my attention on Sirius, or anyone who’s not Lily Evans. 

I walk as fast as I can to the Gryffindor table, without looking like I’m rushing, where I promptly sit down next to Sirius with a bright smile. 

“Why are you-“

“What would you say if I told you Polly is over you?” I quickly interrupt him. 

“I’d say Christmas came early.”

“Well, it’s not quite Christmas yet but the decorations are getting pulled out of the attic.”

“Huh?”

“Polly has a new boyfriend,” I beam. 

“Really?” A grin spreads across him face as well. 

“Yep, apparently she’s dating your house’s fifth year Chaser.”

“Hey, isn’t that the guy we said looks like a younger version of Sirius?” Peter pipes up. 

“Oh. Probably,” I nod. “But as long as it’s not Sirius himself it’s fine by me. So, she has a type. Handsome black-haired Gryffindors.”

“As do you,” James teases. 

“Are you calling yourself handsome again, James?” I tease right back before realising that Lily is still sitting at his side. 

Stupid! Is he stupid as well? Why would he make such a comment when his very territorial girlfriend is right there? And why did I not bite my tongue as well? No teasing, no joking, no eye contact with James when she’s around. That’s how we keep the peace. 

To my surprise Lily doesn’t say anything, her expression simply grows cold as she rises to her feet and leaves the table without another word. Pretty sure that doesn’t bode any better for me or James. 

“Idiot!” I lean over the table to smack him on the shoulder. “Why would you say that?”

“I was just joking,” He shrugs.

“I know that. We know that. She doesn’t,” I scoff. “Now I really have to watch my back next class.”

“It’s not that bad,” He scoffs. 

“She hates me. I know it’s the a strong word but I really think she does. And all because you and I went on a few dates a year ago. I’m not the only date you ever had before her.”

There is zero ground for her to feel threatened by me in any way. Then why does she lashes out like a cornered animal every time I open my mouth and glare at me as though I’m the bane of her existence?

“It’s not because we went on a few dates,” James frowns. “It’s because we dated.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve gone on dates with other girls, including one of Lily’s friends, kissed other girls and Lily is perfectly cordial to them. However, you’re the only girl I’ve ever dated before her.”

Sirius is not my first boyfriend. James was. Despite it having been rather short and not as deeply felt as it is this time around, in Lily’s eyes it must be the same. James never really made a big deal out of it though. He kissed me on our first date and promptly called me his girlfriend. I never once considered the possibility that he’d never done that before. 

Am I Polly in this scenario? 

Even if Polly hadn’t been quite so expressive of her feelings for Sirius and how she still believes they’ll eventually get back together, I would still have felt intimidated, irritated by her. Out of the wide range of girls Sirius has hooked up with, gone on a date with, done who knows what with, she stands out as the one girl he’s ever entered a relationship with before me and him stopped bickering and started making out. She wasn’t a date, she wasn’t a fling, she was his girlfriend. And that implies feelings that go beyond superficial attraction and having a good time together. 

Now I’ve gotten over that because Polly’s crazy and Sirius is finally seeing that. And also because he’s been very clear of the fact that in comparison to me, Polly kind of fades into the background. Yes, that has been wonderful for my ego. But perhaps James hasn’t made it clear to Lily that in comparison to her, I meant nothing. Slightly worse for my ego but the truth nonetheless. I don’t see how she could have any doubt about that since he’s been in love with her since they were eleven and he seems to be very vocal about his admiration towards her. If James won’t make that clear to her, maybe someone else should.

I turn towards Sirius. 

“You could talk to her.”

“What?” He frowns. 

“If Lily’s still so pissed about me and James, it might be because she thinks there’s still something between us. You could explain to her that there isn’t,” I smile at him, pleased with my plan. 

“Why me?”

“Clearly James hasn’t been persuasive enough so far and we’ve all seen what happens when I talk to her.”

She glares, she lashes out or she runs away. Those are the only options. 

“Still doesn’t clarify why I should do it,” Sirius huffs. 

“Because I’m asking nicely,” I bat my eyelashes at him. 

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” He scoffs. 

“She’s not wrong, Padfoot,” James says. “I think it might be worth giving it a try.”

“Okay,” Sirius sighs, giving in. 

I give him a shocked look. He wants me to basically beg for it but when James mentions it, he’s on board? 

“What?” He frowns at my look. 

“Should I be jealous?” I tease.

“Seven years of friendship, Lena. You have a lot of catching up to do.”

“So you’ll talk to her?”

“Yeah,” He sighs. “But I don’t see how it could help in any way.”

Regardless of it actually bearing any fruit, I’m relieved to hear that he’ll give it a try. Lily might be more receptive to him than to me. I just want her to realise that I’m no threat to her relationship and we can just be two girls who don’t have to be friends but are dating two halves of a very tight friendship. I’m worried of what it will do to my relationship if I can’t be on semi-good terms with my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend. 

I tell my friends about Sirius’ attempt to talk some sense into Lily later in the common room, but they are not as excited about my issue with her probably getting resolved. 

“He’s more likely to make it worse,” Mac scoffs.

“It might help,” Nora shrugs, clearly not believing it herself and as the person who knows Lily Evans the best out of the four of us, I know she’s more likely to be right.

“When you had this conversation with Sirius about talking to Evans, did you by any chance mention that you’re in love with?”

Two turn to me in shock, gaping at April’s confession. Right, I told April the extent of my feelings, but not Nora and Mackenzie. 

“I’m sorry,” Mac blinks at me. “Did she just say you’re in love with Sirius?”

I nod. 

“Are you? In love with Sirius Black?” Nora asks. 

“Yes.”

It’s a bit scary but now that I’ve realised exactly how I feel, I’m not going to apologise for it. 

“So?” I get defensive anyway. “I am in love with Sirius. He’s my boyfriend. It’s not that weird. You guys know what that feels like.”

“No,” Nora shakes her head in all honesty. 

“Me neither,” Mackenzie shrugs. 

“What?”

“I mean, I like Alexander, a lot. We’re dating, it’s great. But we’re not in love. It’s way too early for that,” She rolls her eyes. 

Since neither of them is going to back me up here, I’m left to turn to April. I know she and Hector love one another, are in love because I had to listen to both of them bemoaning how wonderful it is to be in love after they expressed it to one another. 

“Well, yes, but only after we were dating for eight months. Not six weeks,” She scoffs. 

“So, I fall in love easily,” I shrug. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

I hadn’t fallen in love with James when we were dating, perhaps I would have if we had continued dating for longer but it’s probably a good thing that we’ll never know. I realised I’m in love with Sirius because I know what it feels like. I’ve been in love before, and John Kestler broke my heart. That in itself made falling once more scary enough, the fact that there’s so much more to lose makes it worse. Despite my feelings, me and John weren’t dating. When it blew up in my face it was awkward to be around him but I didn’t lose anything, other than my self-esteem and our friendship. Okay, so there was a price to pay but this time around it would be worse. If I tell Sirius how I feel, and it’s not reciprocated, it will make things awkward between us as well and ruin this relationship. And I don’t want to risk losing what we have. Sirius makes me smile, and happy, and confident in a way I forgot I could be. 

“Girls do tend to fall for Sirius Black easily,” Mac shrugs. 

“Problem is he never falls back,” April warns. 

Yes, I’ve been worried about that part as well. 

“I know,” I snap. “I don’t need you to remind me of that.”

I once asked him if he had loved Polly. He said no. He said he didn’t know what that would feel like, if he could have recognised it. But he said he felt surprisingly little when he hurt her. Hurting someone you love hurts. He didn’t love her. He was with Polly for many months. I’m afraid he doesn’t love me either. 

“You won’t tell him how you feel,” April concludes. “Because you don’t know if he’ll want to hear it? Because you’re afraid he doesn’t feel the same? Because you think it will make things weird between you?”

“Yes. All of the above.”

“Or because you don’t trust him with your feelings?”

Trust has been an issue between us in the past. Not too long ago he and I nearly broke up because of trust issues on my part. He said only time could fix that hurdle, and that’s what we’ve given it. Since then we’ve been communicating much better, understand each other better, and that’s part of the reason I fell in love with him. He gets me, accepts all of me. I can be myself around him, I can be as bratty and stubborn and silly as I truly am and he only seems to like that. 

“It’s not about trust,” I shake my head. 

“Right,” April nods. “Because his consideration of your feelings in the past wouldn’t possibly be grounds for caution.”

“Don’t get all snappy and sarcastic,” I frown. “It’s not a good look on you.”

“I’m sorry,” She nods. “I’m just worried. We all are.”

“I’m not,” Mac says. “Lena can take care of herself, and Sirius is not actively out to hurt her. You should really get that in your head, April.”

I shoot her a grateful look. Mac’s always has my back when it comes to dating Sirius? She is persistent to see us succeed, about as persistent as April has been to change my mind. Which means that usually the voice of reason is Nora. I glance at her with a questioning gaze. 

“You don’t have to tell him, if you don’t want to, or aren’t ready for it,” She says gently. “But if the only reason you won’t tell him is because you don’t trust him with your feelings, the ones you have for him as well as in general, that’s problem.”

Of course she’s right. And the only way to know if I can trust him with what I feel, is to give him the opportunity to show me he can be trusted. And enough time has passed now for me to want to try. 

I drag Sirius into a hidden passageway that he showed me before, it being the other way around for once. 

“Well, well, Lena Pelt,” He smiles brightly. “I appear to be a bad influence on you. Not that I’m complaining.”

“Please,” I roll my eyes at him. “I’ve always had this side to me, you just hadn’t had the privilege to witness it before.”

“By all means, let me witness then,” He leans forward to kiss me but I stop him. 

“I pulled you in here to talk.”

“I have not had the chance to talk to Evans yet,” He sighs. “Not that I’m eager for that conversation anyway.”

“It’s not about that,” I shake my head. “I want to tell you something.” 

“Okay,” He nods, leaning backwards to give me his full attention. 

I’m not ready to tell him how I feel about him. But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell him about feelings, and how not to hurt them. 

“In fifth year, I liked John Kestler.”

“Kestler?” He frowns. “He’s a dick.”

“I know that now,” I roll my eyes. “But I didn’t back then. I thought his arrogance was attractive and his cutting humour witty.”

“You do have a type,” He smirks. 

Yes, there are certainly some similarities between John and Sirius, another reason I’m reluctant to tell him how I feel. It did not go over well with John. 

“After months of pining, I told him how I felt,” I admit. “… and he laughed. In my face. Because apparently dating me is a laughable idea.”

At least Sirius hasn’t done that. 

“Is this a test?” He frowns in confusion. “Because it feels like a test, and I’m not sure how to pass it? Do you want me to go hex the fellow for something that happened two years ago? Or do you want me to be mature and not do anything? What’s the purpose here?”

I can see why he’d be confused. 

“It’s not a test.” Even though I suppose it kind of is. But he doesn’t need to know that. “I’m just saying that my feelings get hurt when you don’t act like they matter.”

“You know I’m not actually Kestler, right?”

“Right.” I nod. 

“I wouldn’t have laughed,” He says. “I would have been really surprised if you said you liked me in fifth year, but I wouldn’t have laughed. The idea of dating you wouldn’t have been funny, it would have been exhilarating.”

“If it was a test,” I smile softly. “You’d have passed with flying colours.”

Yes, Sirius Black is no John Kestler. I’ll tell him how I feel, when I’m ready to tell him and when I think he’s ready to hear it.


	11. Wild Waters

Me and Sirius agreed to meet up at breakfast on Saturday at his House’s table, since he sat with me and my friends at the Ravenclaw’s last time. So I’m a bit surprised to get to the Gryffindor table and only find Remus there. 

“Where’s Sirius?” I frown. 

“Still in bed, I suppose,” He shrugs. 

“Oh, we agreed to meet up.”

Did he forget? I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot. 

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon then.”

I’m a little in doubt as to what to do here now. April is still sleeping in, Mac is sitting with Alexander and Nora probably already ate hours ago, early riser and all. I was really banking on Sirius being here. 

“You can sit down, you know,” Remus awkwardly gestures to the bench across from him where I tentatively take a seat. 

I don’t have anything against Remus Lupin, in fact I think he’s really great. But I’ve never really been alone with him before, neither with Peter Pettigrew by the way. It’s a lot more uncomfortable than I thought it would be. It would seem that without other company, we can’t seem to think of anything to talk about. 

“I assume you’re feeling better,” I eventually say. I don’t think we really want to be discussing health but since he was out with a fever a few days ago, it seems like the polite thing to say. 

“Better?” He frowns. 

“Yeah,” I nod. “Sirius told me you were feeling a bit under the weather on Tuesday. That’s why you missed classes that day.”

“Oh, right,” He quickly agrees. “I feel better, yes. Just a bad cold really.”

“James and Sirius told me you had the flu,” I frown. 

“You know them,” He awkwardly smiles. “They exaggerate.”

Well, that’s definitely true. 

“Too bad you missed lads night then,” I say.

I wanted to hang out with Sirius on Tuesday night – I’ve broken curfew a lot since we’ve started dating- but he told me The Marauders were having a lads night and he would under no circumstances change his plans. 

“Yeah,” He simply replies, looking around as though searching for a new topic. Alright, it’s not the most exciting conversation but there’s no need to be rude. 

Remus looks really relieved when Sirius comes out of nowhere and throws his arm around my shoulder. 

“Good morning,” He smiles as he kisses me on the cheek.

“Morning. Did you oversleep?” 

“No, I just got held up,” He simply shrugs before starting on his breakfast. “It’s going to be a hot summer’s day. We’re planning on going for a swim in the Black Lake. You coming too?”

“A swim?” I frown. “It’s not going to be that warm.”

It’s still April. In Scotland. 

“Oh, don’t be a spoilsport, I’ll keep you warm,” He grins. “You game, right, Moony?”

“Yeah,” Remus nods, looking a bit lost in thought. It doesn't seem like such a good idea for him to do that after he just recoveed from his cold / flu. “The others going too?”

“Yep, Prongs and Wormy are coming too. Evans said it’s too cold but she’d come cheer Prongs on or whatever. Will you be cheering for me, Lena?”

“No,” I tell him plainly. “But speaking of her, did you talk to Lily?”

It’s been nearly a week since he said he’d talk to her but so far, I feel like he’s trying to avoid it. Not that I can blame him, pretty sure that wouldn’t be the greatest conversation of his week. 

“Yeah,” He sighs, pulling his arm back to keep piling more food on his plate. “I did.”

“And?” I ask him eagerly. 

“We’re never doing that again.”

Sounds about as bad as it would have been if it had been me and Lily Evans. 

“Why?” Though I insist. “What did she say?”

“Bogus,” He scoffs. “Everything that came out of her mouth was bogus.”

“Like what?” I frown. “What did she say?”

“Bogus,” He simply repeats. “Which is why it doesn’t matter. I’ll see you at the Black Lake in about three hours. Wear a bikini, I want to see that. Later!”

He kisses me on the mouth and then runs off. What was that? What did she say? 

“Did that seem like Sirius brushing me off to you too?” I turn to Remus who is not there anymore. When did he run off? Why are guys getting chased off by me? 

Guess I’ll just have to go for a dip in the Black Lake on an April afternoon without freezing my ass off to figure out what Lily said to Sirius because I’m willing to bet some money on the fact that their conversation is what made him flee at breakfast. He didn’t even touch his toast. 

I don’t want to be the kind of girl who takes orders from her boyfriend but as I require an appropriate outfit for swimming, I do have to put on a bikini. Which is a bigger issue than I thought it would be. Not because I don’t own one – way too many actually – but the most skin Sirius has seen so far are my elbows and my knees. Which are very good features of mine, to be honest. I’m a little less confident about my stomach, my butt and all the other parts of me that would be exposed in a bikini. I’m okay in my own skin but I’m also very aware that I’m in love with a guy who’s sculpted like a Greek God while I am not. 

I eventually settle on a plain black bikini that hopefully won’t draw too much attention and quickly cover it up with warmer clothes. I tell my friends where I’m heading off to but none of them seem eager to join me. Perhaps that’s not a bad thing as I’d be even less confident with my appearance if someone as gorgeous as Mac was standing next to me, who Sirius has been attracted to in the past. 

I run into James in front of the Great Hall who is clearly on his way for a swim as well. I’m a bit surprised that Lily doesn’t seem to be here as well. Wasn’t she going to cheer or something? Also, is she not aware I’m here as well? I would think she’s glue herself to her boyfriend’s side once again if that were the case. 

“Hey, Lena,” He greets me as we both walk in the direction of the Black Lake. “You up for a swim too?”

“Not really,” I admit. 

“Sirius forced you?” He nods sympathetically. 

“Not quite.” Though I do sort of feel obligated to be here. But that’s not necessarily because I feel pressured by him. “Lily not coming?”

“She was going to but then McGonagall asked her to tutor some fifth years who failed their last essay at the Library and she couldn’t say no. I can’t be mad, it’s one of the reasons I love her.”

Also it would be a bit weird if someone as understanding and patient as James Potter would get mad about that. 

“Did you know they talked?” I ask him. 

“Who?”

“Sirius and Lily.”

“Well, we’re in the same year and the same house. It’s not that weird that they talk sometimes. We do all hang out occasionally.”

“I meant what we talked about before,” I roll my eyes at him. “About easing whatever concerns Lily might still have about you and me.”

“Is that what we talked about? I thought we asked Sirius to gush to her about you so she knows you two are solid,” He frowns. 

Is that what we asked? What did Sirius think we asked? What did they talk about?!

“Regardless of what we asked and what Sirius understood, did you know?”

“No,” He shrugs. “Did I have to?”

“Sirius was acting weird this morning. I just thought that might be the reason.”

But maybe I’m wrong? If he had such an unpleasant conversation with Lily, I’m sure he would have told James about it, despite how awkward that would be. There’s nothing these friends don’t talk about to each other. 

“He’s just weird,” James offers. 

Yeah, that is true but it’s usually with a reason. 

“Anyway, whose idea was it to go swimming all because of one ray of sunshine?” I change the topic as we make our way outside and start approaching the Black Lake. I can’t see the others yet though. 

“Mine,” He smiles. 

“Figures,” I roll my eyes at him. “Remember October last year, you were so sure summer wasn’t over yet, and so you insisted on wearing shorts until Halloween. You also had a cold until Halloween.”

“I call it bright optimism,” He laughs. 

“I wouldn’t exactly call it bright, you know,” I tease. 

We’ve managed to reach the Black Lake and I spot the other three boys already in the water. I’ve only seen Sirius bare-chested once and even though I was a little blindsided by his unexpected presence in my bed, I noticed he was fit as fuck. And I notice it now. Oh, why is my boyfriend so damn attractive? He’s just standing in a shallow part of the Black Lake, water up to his lower ribs, hair all wet and I’m just losing my mind at the sight. I can’t stand in my bikini next to that guy. 

“Are you okay?” James asks me and I tear my gaze away from a wet Sirius Black. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

I might. 

“I’m fine,” I laugh slightly hysterical. I turn to face James completely so my back is turned to Sirius. “Just fine.”

He gives me a very disbelieving look, glancing back and forth between me and his three friends in the water calling us over until he seems to be make some kind of connection. 

“When you said weird, did you mean a fight?” He nods understandingly. 

“No!”

“Then I don’t get what’s going on,” He sighs. “Why are you the one being weird with Sirius now?”

“Because…. We’re here. Going for a swim, in our bathing suits…”

“Did you want to go skinny dipping instead?” He smiles. 

“No!”

“Then I still don’t get it,” He shakes his head, clearly confused. 

“I’m wearing a bathing suit, Sirius is wearing a bathing suit… But only one of us looks like they should be a model.”

James is handsome, I’ve always known that but his charm is pretty much the popular boy next door type while Sirius is more an out of this world insanely attractive. I never felt insecure about my own appearance around James. Well, before he dumped me to pine after one of the most beautiful girls at Hogwarts again. 

Sirius has never played an active part in making me insecure either but there are a lot of girls in this castle who are against us dating and some of them have been inappropriately vocal about it. I try not to let it get to me and most days I’m successful at it. But probably not on the day Sirius ran off at breakfast and I have to parade around in a bikini. 

“I hope you mean you, because no one would want to look at Padfoot’s ugly mug on the cover of a magazine,” He whispers. 

“Yeah, right!” I shove against his shoulder and he’s nice enough to pretend that moved him. 

“Everyone knows girls only pay him attention because they pity him for being born with such unfortunate features.”

“Stop it,” I laugh. “I’m being honest here. He’s… and I’m not…”

Whatever I’m trying to say, very badly, James seems to get it. 

“Here’s what we’re going to do, I’m going to take off my trousers, and my shirt,” He says while doing so. “You’re going to kick off at least your shoes and whatever else you’re comfortable with.”

“And then what?” I ask him, sceptical but I have taken off my shoes, socks and sweater. 

“Then,” He throws his clothes a few feet away, only standing in swimming trunks and a wide grin. “I’m going to throw you into the lake.”

“What?”

He’s not kidding. He’s smiling but it’s obviously not a joke. And now he’s moving closer, ready to do what he just promised. 

“No,” I warn him as I quickly take a step back, unfortunately in the direction of the Black Lake. “Don’t!”

But it does nothing as he just chases after me, throws me over his shoulder despite me continuing to scream ‘no!’. There’s really very little I can do but take a deep breath as he jumps into the cold water with me. 

I wrestle out of his hold once we go under and take a deep gulp as I reach the surface again. 

“What the fuck, James!” I splash water at him, which isn’t very effective when he’s already in the water himself. 

“I gave you a warning,” He replies cheekily. 

I know what he’s doing. I’m already in the water, my clothes are soaking wet. It would make no sense to take of my clothes now. It’s actually pretty nice and considerate. 

“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely. “I’m still going to dunk you now.”

“Understandable,” He nods. “But catch me first.”

Turns out I can’t. James is a fast swimmer and my clothes are slowing me down. He’s out of my reach before I can even try and dunk him under water.

It’s really cold, as I warned the boys it would be. I’m so glad I had the good sense to cast a warming charm on myself before coming down here. 

As I can’t catch James, I swim up to Sirius because let’s be honest, he’s the reason I’m here. But instead of being greeted with an excited smile like I sort of expected after he insisted I join him here today, he’s frowning at my approaching form. 

“What’s with the pout?” I laugh as I stroke his eyebrows frowning together. 

“I don’t get jealous.” He suddenly says. 

“Must be nice to be you,” I smile. 

I wish I didn’t get jealous. I try not to but I do. Look at him, look at the girls he attracts. How can I not get jealous when girls are sometimes just throwing themselves at him?

“But should I be?”

“Huh?” I frown at him. “Jealous of what?”

He gives me an exasperated look before nodding towards something over my shoulder. I turn around to see Peter and James ganging up on Remus who looks like he couldn’t put up much of a fight if the other two decide to drag him underwater. I’m going to assume he’s not jealous of that. 

“James?” I guess, to which he nods. “Don’t you start as well. Did Lily put you up to that?”

He scoffs but he doesn’t call it bullshit. I knew it! I knew something was said between the two of them that got into his head. I just didn’t think it would be something this ridiculous. 

“I trust you,” He surprises me with those words. “And I trust James. But I also see what Lily sees. The two of you having fun together, teasing each other, it looks a lot like when you guys were going out.”

“We hang out together because you told us to!” I snap. “And now you don’t like it anymore?”

“I’m not saying I don’t want you guys to hang out anymore, I’m just asking if I should be worried.”

“You don’t!”

James and I are just friends. That might look a bit like when we were going out because when we were dating, we were trying to turn a friendship into a relationship. Obviously that did not go well. While I still believe a friendship can turn into love, it just wasn’t in the cards for the two of us. And we’re both off happier that way. Why can’t the people who make us that happy see that? 

“You’re not in love with him anymore?”

He looks at me as though he might be scared of the answer. Why would he suddenly think that though? I don’t think I’ve done anything to make him doubt which guy I’m into. Me and James have a past, yes, but Sirius has always been perfectly aware of it and never made an issue out of it before. 

“No,” I scoff. 

“How can I be sure about that?” He frowns. “How can you be sure about that?”

This is not how I wanted to have this conversation. But I also don’t want Sirius to think that I have eyes for anyone other than him. 

“Because I was never in love with James to begin with. Also, I don’t believe that you can be in love with two people at the same time.”

There. I said it. I am in love with Sirius Black. So I can’t be in love with James Potter, also I’m not. Sirius brings out different sides of me and he makes me feel giddy, happy, excited. I’m in love with him, every part of him, even the jealous one. 

I am a bit scared of his response to that confession though. I’ve mulled it over in my head tons of times. Sometimes he’s happy, sometimes he’s uncomfortable. Sometimes he laughs in my face, sometime he says it back. But I never came up with this reply. 

“What does that mean?” He scowls. “Is there another guy?”

I am in love with an idiot. Is he kidding? He doesn’t look like he’s kidding, he seems to be genuinely confused by my reply. What an idiot!

“You know what,” I huff. “How about you think on that and come and find me once you’ve figured it out.”

I swim back to the to the edge of the Black Lake, ignoring his shouts of protest, to pull myself out of the water and go back to where I kicked off my shoes and sweater. I pick up my wand that I left with them to quickly cast a drying spell on myself. It’s not exactly the same as being dry as my clothes still feel kind of soggy but it looks dry and I won’t keep dripping water onto the Library floor, as that’s where I’m going. Lily Evans can glare at me and even hate me, but I will not allow her to try and force a wedge between me and Sirius. I’m done with biting my tongue to keep the peace between us. We’re going to hash things out once and for all.


	12. Honest Hearing

I easily find Lily Evans once I arrive at the Library. She’s sitting at one of the bigger tables right across the entrance with four younger students that are frowning furiously at the books in front of them. Lily’s not faring any better. She looks exasperated, trying to explain something to them. Unfortunately for her, I’m not about to make her day any better. 

“Lily,” I walk up to her, ignoring the fact that she’s clearly busy. “We need to talk.”

“Lena,” She frowns at me. I probably don’t look the best with my soggy half-dry appearance. Also, I’m pretty mad, it might show. “I’m in the middle of a tutoring session.”

Don’t care. 

“We need to talk,” I repeat. “Now.”

“As I said, I am busy. I can’t just drop everything because you insist,” She scowls. 

“Lily, we are having that talk. We can either do it over there in private, or I can air out right here what a shit stirrer you are. Your choice.”

The fifth years at the table are gawking at us, probably waiting for some kind of cat fight that Lily won’t let them have. She just sighs and follows me to the private corner I hinted at. 

“What?” She fold her arms and stares me down with pure annoyance. Two can play that game. 

“What did you tell Sirius?”

She doesn’t seem surprised by my question. She doesn’t even wait a moment to pause before replying. 

“What I believe is the truth.”

“Which is?”

“Are we really doing this now, Lena?” She sighs. 

“You felt it was necessary to put in your two cents on my relationship so yes, we are doing this now,” I scoff. 

“That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?” She rolls her eyes at me. “Since you send Sirius to do exactly that on my own relationship.”

Huh, I suppose she has a point there. But in my defence, it was more of a positive butting in. Yeah, that sounds like bullshit, shouldn’t tell her that. Also, James suggested it himself so does that mean it doesn’t count as interfering? 

“Regardless of why Sirius had a chat with you, you clearly had something to say to him about me. So why don’t you say it to my face now?”

I’m done with being careful of my every move and word. Let’s just get it all out in the open. It can only improve the situation, I hope.

“I shared my concerns with Sirius and if he found them to be grounded, then maybe that’s something you two should discuss together.”

“What did you say exactly? You clearly didn’t just let him know you’re jealous because he never thought there was something going on between me and James until your conversation.”

“I know there’s nothing between you and James,” She laughs. 

“You do?” I frown. “Then what has your territorial behaviour been all about?”

“Nothing is going on between you and James, because James is with me and has about zero interest in changing that, has zero interest in you.” Once upon a time, that would have really hurt. She still says it with such venom that I believe she thinks it does. “But if we weren’t together, I’m not so sure you’d be with Sirius.”

Me and Sirius are an unlikely pair, who got together under unusual circumstances but that doesn’t change the fact that we like each other, even have fallen in love with each other. Yes, maybe that wouldn’t have happened if April didn’t brew a Love Potion for Polly but it did happen and now we’re here. And despite whatever Lily Evans believes, I don’t want to be anywhere else. 

“You think I want to be with James?” I scoff. 

“I think you know you can’t be with James, so you’re dating the next best thing.”

“First of all, don’t call Sirius the next best thing. He’s not a substitute James. They have a lot of things in common but they’re two different people. I like Sirius for who he is, not because of which aspects he’s similar to James in.”

“They’re not that different,” She looks sceptical. 

“If you truly believe that, would you date Sirius then?”

She frowns in disagreement, silently agreeing with my point. I admit that both of them are smarter than their grades, have a good sense of humour that is not always understood and have a brave lionheart that gets them in trouble more times than they care to admit. But Sirius doesn’t try for better grades out of some weird protest against his family obsessive need for immaculate results whereas James’ mind is just always somewhere else instead of focused on class. Sirius’ humour is sharper, perhaps meaner, and darker than his friend’s easy-going banter and I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s more up my alley than James’ cheerful wit. James jumps to people’s defence because he’s just one of those people who can’t idly stand by. Sirius usually goes along with it to prove once again that he is the black sheep in his family and damn proud of it. James has Quidditch work ethic while Sirius usually gets whatever he wants relying solely on his charm. Sirius can be a bit bitter, in a way I think James tries to understand but never truly does. James is the kind of person who wants to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable. Sirius thinks that’s up to everyone themselves and usually doesn’t go out of his way to make other people feel at ease. Sirius understands that some topics are sensitive and should be avoided or at least carefully broached. James has word vomit. There are a thousand differences between the two friends and I won’t pretend like Sirius necessarily has all the better traits. But Lily shouldn’t pretend either that they’re just two versions of the same person. 

“If you believe them to be so different, then it also doesn’t make sense for you to have dated both of them,” She continues to scowl. “If you’re not dating Sirius because you can’t have James,”

“I’m not!”

“Then maybe you dated James because you couldn’t have Sirius. And that makes me even angrier.”

“Is it so absurd a concept for you to grasp that I liked James when I was dating James and I like Sirius now that I’m dating Sirius?” I scoff. 

Why is she so adamant on having grounds to be possessive of her boyfriend? She’s making this situation so much harder than it has to be. 

“You didn’t have a falling out, there was no cheating, no one got nasty. There is no reason for you not to feel about James as you once did. Especially with you guys getting close again, why wouldn’t those feelings resurface?”

So it really does just come down to jealousy. 

“Lily, I’m only going to say this once. Because I’m getting really tired of repeating myself. James and I were friends. When he asked me out, it wasn’t a dream come true or something I had been hoping for. I figured our friendship could turn into something romantic and for a while it looked like it would. But then he broke up with me. And while getting dumped for just the possibility of another girl wasn’t great for my self-esteem, it didn’t break my heart. James did not have that power. I have not been pining over him since then. Me and Sirius was unexpected but that doesn’t make it any less real and it certainly doesn’t make it a ruse to get back into James’ life.”

She’s not talking back. Just frowning and putting on what I suspect is her thinking face. She usually does so without facial effort though. Am I getting through to her? 

“You’re not in love with James, you never were?”

“Yes! Thanks for putting that thought into Sirius’ head by the way. I wasn’t quite ready to tell him that I’m in love with him but I also don’t want him to think I’m in love, or ever was, with his best friend.”

I’d like to say that I fully stand behind deciding in the moment to tell him what I had actually dreaded revealing to him so far but since there wasn’t a reaction to shoot me down or share the joy of these new feelings, I’m not exactly left with a conclusion. It wasn’t a rejection either but maybe that’s because my words just did not get through to him. 

“You’re in love with Sirius?” She blinks at me in surprise. 

“Yeah,” I admit. “Is that stupid? I feel like maybe that’s stupid. We haven’t been going out for that long and before we got together, we were at each other’s throats. Months ago I couldn’t describe him without using a curse word. And now, all of a sudden, he’s under my skin and I like it! I crave his presence and his attention and it doesn’t really make sense but it does? And now I’ve told a notorious heartbreaker that he has the power to break mine. Merlin, I am stupid.”

“You love Sirius,” She laughs and it startles me, also kind of insults me. I know I was rambling, more to myself than to her, but I was essentially confiding in her and she laughs in my face? 

“Is that funny?” I gasp at her. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just… I’ve come to know Sirius over the years as this guy who doesn’t get phased by anyone. Since dating James I’ve gotten to know him much better and I’ve seen him with you. I was genuinely also worried that you were using him. But you’re obviously not and that makes me feel relieved, for multiple reasons.”

Right, let’s not pretend she isn’t relieved because I can’t be in love with her boyfriend if I’m in love with mine. 

“Look, Lily, we don’t have to be friends. We don’t even have to like each other, but we do have to find a way to get along. James and Sirius are like family and we need to be able to be in the same room together or it will tear things apart. And between you and me, I’m pretty sure the boys’ friendship would survive.”

The relationships might not though. Lily and James love each other and I’m in love with Sirius. We don’t know where he stands but I know he’s at least very, very into me. However, there’s only so much tension between four people until something has to change. And Sirius will much rather dump me than his best friend. I think even James wouldn’t pick Lily over Sirius if he absolutely had to. 

“It’s not that I don’t like you, Lena,” She sighs. “We’ve never had issues before. It’s just that you’re…”

“You have to know James wasn’t inexperienced with girls before you two got together,” I scoff. 

It’s true that Sirius is by far the ladies man amongst the Marauders, but that doesn’t mean none of the others have gotten with girls. Okay, so Remus has somehow convinced himself not to date and Peter gets so nervous around girls, I’m pretty sure he’s never kissed one before. But James is charming and handsome and even though he’s always been very vocal about his infatuation with the red-head in front of me, that doesn’t mean girls haven’t tried to turn his head. He’s also a teenage boy who to some extent took advantage of other girls’ attentions. 

“You were not just some girl,” She huffs. 

“Girlfriend is just a label.”

Didn’t feel that way when it was Sirius giving me the label but let’s not mention that right now. I just need her to understand that had not been as big a deal as she thinks it is. 

“It’s not just about the past.”

I give her a disbelieving look. 

“When I found out you and James were dating last year, I was happy about it. Not just because he backed off but because I genuinely believed that you were a good fit for him, better than me,” She admits. “You might still be.”

Wait, what? 

“Are you saying James should be with me?” I ask, appalled. I don’t want to be with James!

“No,” She snaps. “It’s just that you two have a lot of things in common, more than I do. I love James and I know James loves me, but you guys bond over Quidditch and wizarding childhoods and you laugh at all his jokes, even the ones I find really lame, as well as find all his petty pranks entertaining. You’re similar, in way that me and James aren’t.”

It really was about her insecurities. Just not about me, but about her compatibility with a guy she used to swear she wouldn’t date even if he was the last man on the planet. 

“We do get along,” I agree. “We have similar interests and I suppose that’s what we originally bonded over. But if that’s what James wanted, don’t you think that’s what he’d choose? You’re good for James because you’re not like James. You keep him grounded, and tell him when he’s being a prick. He’s matured a lot and everyone knows that’s because of your good influence. And let’s be honest, he brings out a good side of you as well. I always thought that was love.”

According to everyone, my mother was a firecracker. Bright and fiery and totally out of control. Drove my grandfather insane. Insert my dorky, goofy dad whose wildest experience was attending a magical school far out of his comfort zone and of everything he’d ever known. He calmed her down and she taught him how to let loose. And now they’re bright and goofy together. 

James and Lily are entertaining and dependable together. I don’t know what me and Sirius are together but I know I’m a lot less optimistic and ironically more serious without him. And I’d like to think I bring something good outside of him as well. 

“Thank you, Lena,” She shoots me a look of gratitude and for a moment I forgot that she doesn’t always frown, glare and sigh. “So what did he say?”

“Who?”

“Sirius,” She rolls her eyes but it seems a bit fonder than usually. “What did he say when you told him you loved him?”

“Nothing,” I whine. “He didn’t really get what I was saying.”

Perhaps I should have put it more bluntly but I kind of expected my somewhat brilliant boyfriend to get that. Do I have to spell it out to him again? Or give him more time to mull over my words? If he hasn’t figured it out by now, I don’t think he’ll manage it on his own. 

“Did you say it in a weird way?”

“Well, I thought it was-“ I cut myself off as I come to the realisation that this is Lily Evans. “You know what? We’re not doing this. For two people who don’t get along, we’ve already overshared more than enough today.”

I’ve told her things that I didn’t even tell Sirius. Well, things that Sirius didn’t get I was telling him. Let’s stop it here. 

“You’re right,” She nods. “I have a tutoring session to get back to. They’re probably not doing any of the work. I trust everything that was said, will stay between us?”

“I agree.” I could advise her to discuss those insecurities of her with James but that would mean butting in again. I think it’s better for everyone if we don’t do that anymore. “And perhaps our opinions should stick to our own relationships as well.”

“Probably not a bad idea,” She agrees before returning to the table with the fifth years who are involved in some kind of fencing with quills. I think I distracted her long enough now. 

Besides I have the longest evening to get to, filled with wondering if Sirius has realised what I was telling him earlier. Is he happy about it? Appalled? Still confused? Has he not figured it out yet? I’m going to drive myself crazy just thinking about it. Well, at least now I can vent and freak out at April or Nora which is way better and more appropriate than to Lily Evans. 

I leave the Library behind me, still thinking of ways I could have dealt better with my confession. I should have just told him; ‘Sirius, I’m in love with you’. That would have been so much better and leave no room for confusion. Why didn’t I say that? Yes, it sounds corny but maybe it wouldn’t have out loud. And at least he would have given me a reaction then. I’d know how he felt about my feelings. I didn’t need him to say it back, just something of a positive response. Or just any response, some sign that my words got through to him. 

I stop thinking about what I should have, could have done instead as my gaze lands on the guy standing at the end of the hallway. Barefooted, looking like a drowned, dog and dripping water on the castle floor, Sirius obviously didn’t have the good sense of casting a drying spell or a warming spell on himself. But he did manage to put his clothes on which are now drenched through as well. He’s giving me a very intense look that I’ve only seen him wear once before, when he had ingested Amortentia. I makes me feel a bit uncomfortable but also seen. 

“You meant me,” He smiles. 

“Yes, doofus,” I sigh. “Of course I meant you.”

Who else would I have been talking about? I don’t get to question his odd thoughts because I can barely form one of my own as he crosses the hallway over to me with big strides, pushes me up against the wall and plants a wet one on me. He’s cold and he’s wet as he presses against me and I couldn’t care less about how that renders my own spells ineffective. I really don’t care though. I’m in love with this mess and he does seem to be quite pleased with it.


	13. Tedious Traditions

I wake to my wand buzzing underneath my pillow, indicating it’s time to get up. Oh, I don’t want to get up now. I’ve been drowning in schoolwork this week and the weekend is supposed to be relaxing. I don’t want to cut short my sleep-in just because there’s the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw game today, the last game before the Quidditch House Cup game. Hector would kill me if I missed it. Also, I really want to watch the game so I reluctantly drag myself out of bed. I quickly get dressed and make a stop at April’s bed before leaving the dorm. 

“April?” I stick my head through the curtains to find my friend muttering something in her pillow. “Will you make sure Brandon tells Hector I left for The Great Hall?”

“Tell him yourself,” She groans. 

“I can’t.”

“This is ridiculous,” She sighs before shoving my face away from her bed. “But I will because I don’t want you two sulking.”

“Thank you,” I leave the dorm by myself, my dorm mates all still a slumber. 

There’s hardly anyone in the Great Hall. I spot Remus sitting by himself at the Gryffindor table but on the morning of a Quidditch Game, it’s important I sit at my own House table. I give him a smile In greeting as I pass him to sit across George Knobble, Captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team. 

“Morning, Lena.”

“Hi, George. Ready for the game?”

“I am,” He nods confidently. “If everyone of the team has their heads in the game, I’m sure we’ll take home the win.”

I wish I could share his confidence in the team but both our third chaser and seeker are new since this year and while both of them obviously have the talent to make the team, neither of them have really excelled either. Which made us beat Slytherin but lose to Gryffindor. Hufflepuff has defeated both those teams. I’m all about supporting my team, and my cousin, but I’m also realistic. 

“Hector’s probably on his way by now,” I muse out loud, reaching for the scrambled eggs. 

“Scrambled eggs, orange juice, french toast and fruit salad,” George predicts. 

“You’re paying attention. You could fix breakfast yourself. You have, however, forgotten about the arrangement on the plate. Smiley is a must.”

“Right, that is why you’re in charge of breakfast.”

“Super important,” I laugh. “I should be team captain.”

“That requires flying on a broom, Lena.”

Ugh, he will never let me live it down. George and I are in the same year, the same house and we easily bonded over our love for Quidditch first year. Big difference is that he took to balancing on a broom naturally during our flying lessons, which tipped our Head of House off to let him try out for the House Team three years in a row before actually making the cut as Chaser first, Beater later. Whereas I was that first year who took off in hyper speed, crashing into the ground horribly. I have no control, no balance on a broom and I would have broken a lot of bones if our flying teacher didn’t have excellent reflexes. 

“Fine, I will let you be the Captain then.” I huff. “

“Very gracious of you,” He laughs. “Showtime, Lena.”

I turn around to see what he’s looking at, which is Hector walking into the Great Hall, looking positively nauseous. It always baffles me to see my cousin, who is hard to faze and chronically confident in his own abilities, transform to a scared version of himself on game day. Show time indeed. 

“Good morning, Hector,” I wave him over to take a seat next to me, across from George. “How did you sleep?”

He grumbles something, I can’t understand but I’m sure that means he didn’t sleep a wink, as usual.

“I fixed you a plate,” I hand over the breakfast I just collected, the scrambled eggs arranged as a smiley. I’ve somehow gotten worse at that part. 

“Thanks, Lena,” He replies before digging in. 

I see April walk into the Great Hall as well, mouthing ‘stupid’ to me before sitting by herself a few feet away. I know it’s stupid, I know she thinks it’s stupid, but Hector doesn’t. 

My cousin and George start refreshing some of the tactics they’ll be using in today’s game. I watch Sirius enter the Great Hall as well, approaching me with big strides. He can’t sit here. Normally I revel the rare times he decides to sit with me at the Ravenclaw table instead of with his friends, but today he is not welcome. I gesture wildly and shake my head at him, making it clear he can’t come over and sit down. He stops in his tracks, tilt his head in adorable confusion and frowns. I make a shooing motion which he appears to find insulting before turning around and trudging toward the Gryffindor table. I’ll explain it to him later. 

“You ready to go?” George asks Hector before getting on his feet. 

“I suppose,” The latter nods. 

“You’ll do great,” I smile encouragingly before gently ruffling his hair. 

He returns a faint smile before getting up and leaving for the Quidditch field. The hardest part is done, which was waking up early. 

“I thought he would never leave,” April sighs as she slips into Hector’s seat. 

“23 minutes of breakfast. You know this.”

“Have I mentioned before that I think it’s stupid?” She rolls her eyes. 

“Yes, too many times to count, to be honest.”

As more students enter the Great Hall, a painful picture of black and yellow takes a seat in front of us. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” I nearly gag as I take in Mackenzie’s unusual appearance. Since when does she even own a hat in the shape of a badger? 

“I’m supporting my boyfriend.” She huffs. 

“There’s a badger on your head,” I frown. “I’ve never seen you wear a raven hat before.”

“That’s because, unlike you, I don’t actually care about Quidditch. But Alex is playing today and I should show my support.”

“By wearing what looks like a dead animal on your head?” I continue to frown. Hector has asked me to do silly things before in the name of good luck but never that. 

“I’m being supportive,” She insists. 

For someone who’s claiming to wear the odd get-up out of her own free will, she looks quite miserable in it. Mackenzie is a beautiful girl thanks to her parents’ genes – never really met two more attractive people their age – but on top of that she’s always taken great pride and care in her appearance. I would think she’d rather die than be caught in the yellow atrocity she’s wearing on her head. Let’s not even mention the fact that she’s painted her face in the Hufflepuff House colours. 

“At least your boyfriend allows you to be supportive,” April sighs.

“It’s not personal, you know this,” I huff. “There are traditions.”

“The tradition of me not even being allowed to wish him good luck for today’s game? Like I said, it’s ridiculous.”

It’s not my fault Hector doesn’t want to talk to April on game day. To be fair, she usually distracts him from whatever’s at hand by just walking by. I can’t blame him for wanting her gone today, he needs a clear head. 

“Are you mad?” A voice asks from behind me and I turn around to frown at Sirius’ odd request. “Because this time I really don’t know why you’d be mad.”

“Think hard, Black,” April sneers. “I’m sure we can come up with something.”

I throw her a nasty look before gesturing to Sirius to take a seat next to me. Just because she can’t talk to her boyfriend today, doesn’t mean she should chase mine off. 

“I’m not mad,” I frown. “Why would you think that?”

“You clearly didn’t want me to sit with you at breakfast,” He points out. 

“It’s not personal,” April scoffs. “Just ridiculous.”

“Huh?”

“No one disturbs Hector and Lena on game day,” Mac answers.

“What?” He, understandably, doesn’t get it. 

“Let me explain it, they’re bad at it. Hector likes for us to do things the exact same way we did them on the day of his first Quidditch match.”

“What things?”

“Every single thing,” April huffs. “To the most ridiculous detail.”

“She’s just pissed because she didn’t talk to him on the morning of that first game and now she can’t talk to him on any morning of a game.”

“How was I to know he’d be my boyfriend three years later?!”

“I knew,” Mac claims. 

“You did not!”

Hector’s always had a soft spot for my best friend but none of us thought that she’d ever reciprocate his affections. No one saw that coming, including April herself. 

“So you just always have breakfast with you cousin when he’s playing a game?” Sirius asks. 

“If only it stopped there,” April laughs. 

“On the day of Hector’s first game, I was up before him, I went to the Great Hall before him, where I had breakfast with George. I fixed Hector a plate when he joined us. I ruffled his hair when I wished him good luck when both of them left for the field. So now I do that every time.”

I probably shouldn’t mention that I also prepare his quidditch gear the day before the game. Or have been forced to wear the same sweater for the past three years. That one day of trying to make Hector feel good and ease his worries has been haunting me ever since. 

“I never would have pegged you to be that superstitious,” Sirius shakes his head. 

“I’m not,” I agree. “But Hector believes in it and I don’t want to have it on my conscious that my actions broke his streak.”

So, I suppose I do kind of believe in it. It’s also become a habit by now. I don’t mind as much as I did the first year. 

“Is there a rule that says I can’t walk you there?” He asks. 

“There is not,” I smile. “But let me just grab a muffin to go.”

I will not tell Sirius that I always need to take a muffin with me to the stands. 

“Good idea,” He grabs one as well. “I love muffins.”

“Do you?” April suddenly narrows her eyes at him. “Do you love them?”

I can’t throw this muffin at her like I want to because that will tip Sirius off to what she’s hinting at, even though it’s pretty obvious. I simply settle for a vicious glare, which she responds to with a casual shrug, before steering Sirius away from the Ravenclaw table and towards the exit of The Great Hall to get to the Quidditch Pitch. 

I’ve told Sirius that I’m in love with him, that I love him, which I do. And even though he seemed really thrilled with that reveal, he’s hasn’t said it back. He didn’t have to say it back but I couldn’t help but hope that maybe he felt the same way. It’s fine that he doesn’t, it has caught me by surprise how quickly and strongly these feelings developed. It’s not that weird that it didn’t happen to him. Yet, I hope. It is okay that he doesn’t feel it or say it as well but now that I’ve put it out there, I feel more vulnerable. Like he has all the power in this relationship. I don’t think that he’d do anything to abuse it but it is a bit scary to know that he could. 

We walk to the pitch in silence, munching on our muffins. He knows what April was talking about. Since my confession last weekend, we haven’t talked about it, we haven’t acknowledged the fact that he didn’t say it back. And we’re not about to start now. 

“You can’t sit with me though,” I tell him. “I need to sit second row in between April and Nora.”

“Of course you do,” He laughs. “I wouldn’t sit in the Ravenclaw stands anyway, I’m loyal to my house.”

“Are you saying you would not wear a Ravenclaw hat for me?” I fake-gasp. 

“Is that what the atrocity on Mackenzie’s head was about?”

“She said she was being supportive to Alexander. I think she forgot to look in the mirror this morning.”

Although her petulant expression was proof that she knew exactly what she looked like. 

“You don’t have to wear my house colours, if I don’t have to wear yours,” He suggests. 

“Deal!”

“For the record, I am totally rooting for Ravenclaw this game.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, Hufflepuff’s in the lead. If Ravenclaw wins, that’s only beneficial for my House.”

“Such selfless support,” I snort. 

“I never claimed to be selfless,” He laughs. “It’s like you don’t know me at all, Lena.”

“On the contrary, I know you quite well.”

He gives me an odd, gentle look before pressing a kiss to my forehead, his way of saying goodbye as we part at the stands. “See you at the victory party!”

“If Ravenclaw wins!” I shout after him. 

“Hufflepuffs throw a mean party,” He winks before disappearing up the Gryffindor stands. 

I’m one of the first ones to arrive at the stands with the odd exception of one of the Beater’s friends. I take a seat in the second row even though there’s more than enough space in the first one. It’s still twenty minutes before the start of the game. I really hope my friends won’t take too long to trickle in. 

Nora is the first to show up. Even though she arrived with Tammie, she dutifully takes her seat on my left. While she probably thinks the whole thing is as stupid as it is to April, she doesn’t whine about it. 

“What’s he going to do next year?” She wonders out loud. 

Hector’s one year younger than me, meaning he’ll still be playing Quidditch for a whole year after I graduate Hogwarts and I won’t be there to keep up the ritual. 

“We don’t talk about that,” I admit. 

He can count, he knows what’s coming. But us not discussing it, makes it next year’s issue and I’m cool with that. Maybe he can get Jackson to fill in though he’s a lot tougher to convince than I am. This tradition also includes breakfast with George, who’s a seventh year as well and will be graduating with me. 

“Maybe Dumbledore will exceptionally allow me access?” I suggest. 

“Right,” She laughs. “Because it is an emergency.”

“Exactly.”

April joins us soon after, still sour as always on game day, which I ignore for the joy of watching our House compete. I love the game, my father instilled that in me. My mother’s family liked Quidditch, like most wizarding families do, but when my dad met the wonderous wizarding world when he embarked on the Hogwarts Express to learn about magic, he was baffled by the sport that allows people to fly around on brooms like Muggle clichés. He was about as skilled at flying a broom as I am, so his admiration also takes place from afar. I think he had hoped that his kids would take to the sport, in vain. I love it but I can’t play it and Jackson doesn’t care. But we all still watch it together and my favourite part of it is watching my dad stare at it with big eyes, like a kid who just discovered that magic is real all over again. 

Hector is playing really well, I’d like to pretend I deserve some credit for that but I probably don’t. George is on top of his game, our newbies are not. But luck is on our side more than actual talent and we win the game! I cheer until April punches me in the arm for it. I know she hates game day but she really shouldn’t take it out on me. 

“Can I go congratulate him?” She snaps at me. 

“What happens after the game doesn’t matter, you know that,” I shrug. 

She rolls her eyes one last time at me before making her way out of the stands, probably on her way to go congratulate her boyfriend now that he’s done not talking to her. 

“She’s in a mood,” I look towards Nora. 

“Yeah, she is,” She agrees. “I wonder why that is. She and Hector have another fight?”

“Last time was not a fight and if they did, she wouldn’t be so eager to go talk to him again.”

“Then what’s got her so agitated?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “We should get some liquor in her tonight.”

April isn’t one to shy away from whatever could be on her mind. She would just tell us, we’re all well aware of all the things her parents do that tick her off because she always discusses them in length with us. The only subject she’s ever more cautious in sharing with us is her relationship with Hector because he’s my cousin and some things I don’t want to hear. If there is another reason for her attitude today, alcohol should be able to loosen that tongue at tonight’s victory party. 

What I didn’t count on is that pouring a little liquor in myself as well, makes me forget about plans. 

Winning today’s game, earning us our spot in the final game for the Quidditch House Cup against Gryffindor, has put my whole house in an excellent mood. The party is in full swing and I’m pleasantly buzzed, mostly because Hector keeps insisting on handing me shots. I’d wonder why he doesn’t give some to April, if I hadn’t found her passed out on one of the couches. Clearly, she’s had her share as well. 

“Lena!” George shouts a greeting at me, nearly sloshing his drink all over my shoes. 

“George!” I shouldn’t judge him for spilling his drink when mine is partially all over his sleeve. 

Though he greets me enthusiastically, his looks soon turns a bit sour and serious as he hunches down to whisper to me. 

“What’s up with Mackenzie?” He frowns. 

Not what I was expecting. I thought it was going to be some drunken gibberish. Or is it? 

“What do you mean?”

“I just went to talk to her a few minutes ago and she was really weird.”

Out of the four of us, I think Mac is the weird one hands down. She’s also the most flirty and outgoing one. George knows this. All three things. 

“Weird how?”

He won’t comment on that, looking so very grave, erasing all doubt that perhaps it is just a set-up for a joke. He seems genuinely worried, even if he does so while swaying on his feet. 

“This is me,” He says, walking away from me only to walk back over and pretend like he’s just now spotted me in the crowd. “Mackenzie! Is this a fun party or what!?”

George throws his arm around my shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. And then he stares as though I should have some kind of response to that. 

“And?” I urge him on. So far I haven’t seen anything that warrants the description of weird. 

“And this is her,” He suddenly jumps a foot away, looking at me as if I just burned him. “Don’t touch me! Leave me alone.”

He walks away, only to return soon after, giving me an expectant look. 

“Weird, right?”

“Yeah,” I agree. 

Mackenzie doesn’t really do personal bubbles. She never has an issue with people coming close to her, or touch her as amicably and innocently as George just demonstrated. Unless it was a bit more touchy and invasive than he’s pretending. Even so, she usually still wouldn’t mind. She and George are friends, pretty sure he’s the only male friend she’s never hooked up with before but they do have a bit of a flirty energy between them. He’s one of the only guys who seems to get he doesn’t need to think that’s anything more than it is. 

“Then she just ran off,” He scoffs. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” I quickly say, only realising afterwards that maybe Mac wouldn’t agree with the statement. “I don’t think so? Maybe I should go talk to her.”

I leave George to go look for Mackenzie, who I can’t find in the packed common room. It’s nearly impossible crossing the room in the crowd, let along search every crook and cranny. It probably also doesn’t help that I get drinks shoved in my hands when I’ve clearly already had enough. Just as I’m about to give up on the search, I feel a strong arm grab me around the waist and pull me in against a muscular chest. 

“Lena,” Sirius purrs into my ear. 

“Sirius? What are you doing here?” I gasp as I turn around in his embrace to look at him. 

“We agreed to meet up at the victory party,” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“How do you even get in here?” 

The party’s in our common room. Sirius shouldn’t have access to it. Neither do the other Marauders who I spot behind him. Remus seems to be a little uncomfortable at a Ravenclaw celebration while James and Peter appear to be involved in some sort of tag game. 

“Not the first House Party we crashed,” He grins. 

“And why does no one care about it?” I frown at the students around us. No one seems to take issue with the Gryffindors amongst them. 

“Because we’re a great addition to any party. Also, a lot of the people here are drunk. One fifth year was under the impression that Peter was Professor Flitwick. He nearly crapped his pants.”

“Yeah, that’s Brandon,” I nod. “He was whining to me that I should give back the points I deducted of him. I didn’t take any points and I’m not a prefect.”

“Looks like this party’s already in full swing,” Sirius smiles. “And you are not too solid on your feet.”

I think I’m standing perfectly still but Sirius is tilting sideways, as is the floor and it’s only due to his hands on my arms that they somehow stabilise. 

“The room’s spinning,” I whisper to him. 

“Let’s get you a seat,” He laughs as he steers me to one of the couches he chases a drunk couple out of. 

“I think I might be a little more drunk than I thought,” I giggle. “Should not have done the last shots.”

“Probably not,” He laughs as he lets me lean against him. He’s really warm and hot. And sexy. 

“You’re a hottie,” I giggle. 

“You are definitely drunk,” He laughs. “Not that I’m not liking it.”

I give him a dopey smile that probably looks even sillier than I think it does. He returns his own blinding smile full force. Merlin, he’s gorgeous. And sweet and sometime cute and really, really funny. The things this guy makes me feel. 

“I like you,” I blurt out. “Like a lot.”

“I like you too, a lot,” He grins. 

“But you don’t love me,” I pout.

“Lena-“ He startles. 

“I’m tired,” I yawn, leaning my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. Just for a minute.


	14. Heavy Hang-overs

I wake up in my four-poster bed, with a dull ache in my head. Oh, I really drank too much last night. I’ve got a terribly dry mouth and I think it might be best not to challenge my stomach with rolling on my belly. I don’t even remember getting to bed last night. 

I force myself to crawl out of my bed, entering the adjacent bathroom, surprised to find it empty. Is everyone still sleeping? A glance back into our dorm tells me Nora, April and Tammie are all sleeping in, considering the curtains around their beds are still closed. Odd, Mac never gets up early on a Sunday, especially after a party. Was she even at the party? I don’t recall seeing her there though I do vaguely have the idea that I was looking for her. 

“Lena?” I hear April call me from her bed. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you dead?” She croaks. 

“Freshly resurrected but not quite alive either.”

A look in the mirror clearly tells me I’m still dead. My hair sticks up in quite an unnatural and tangled way. My make-up is smeared all over my face and I fear the other half might be sticking on my pillow case. I have bloodshot eyes with bags underneath them. I might very well be a zombie, one with a massive hangover. 

“But you’re up?”

“Yes.”

“Will you do something for me?”

“What is it?” I peek my head out of the bathroom to check what she needs. I’m not really into anything that requires me to be more active than a koala bear. 

“My trunk,” She point to the bottom of her bed without getting out of it. “Could you grab something in it for me?”

“It’s right there!”

“I’m dead,” She whines. “You’re resurrected.”

“Still lazy though.”

“I’ll make it worth your while.”

“How?”

“The thing I need you to grab is a Hang-Over Potion. And there’s two of them.”

That potion is exactly what I need to cure this hangover and get some life back into me. 

“On it!” I walk up to her trunk and dig around until I find her potions box. Opening it up reveals two vials labelled “Hang-Over”. I take one for myself and hand the other one over to April who gulps it down as though it’s precious oxygen. 

“Aren’t you happy I am always prepared?” She smiles after we’ve both downed our potions and instantly feel better.

“I love you for it!” I laugh. 

“But you don’t love me.”

“Oh, no!” I gasp out loud.

Last night started out as a bit of a blur but with the potion, it’s gradually coming back to me, though I’m sure I’m still missing chunks. But one thing I clearly remember now is telling Sirius that despite liking me, he doesn’t love me. Like I do. And I told him that, to his face, even though we have been tiptoeing around the unspoken shift in power in our relationship. 

“No!” I groan. 

“What?” April frowns at me. 

“Sirius was here, last night!”

“Here?” Her eyebrows raise to her hairline. “I hope you clean your sheets.”

“Not like that,” I snap. “At the party in the common room.”

“I’d think you’d be happy about that. Aren’t you two joined at the hip these days?”

“We are not,” I scoff. “But I told him I liked him.”

She looks in confusion at my horrified face. 

“Pretty sure he already knows that. You’ve told him much more than that before.”

“Yes, but then he said he liked me back.”

“Great.” She dead-pans. 

“To which I pointed out that he doesn’t love me though.” I stare at her with big bulging eyes, expecting some kind of reaction when all she does is shrug. Does she not understand how terrible that is? “That’s it?”

“What do you want me to say? That was already blatant when you told him you were in love with him and he didn’t say it back.”

“Ouch,” I wince. 

“There are other things to worry about than that, more urgent than your love aches.”

Wow, why the hell is she being so cold about it, instead of understanding and compassionate, as I need her to be? April is all about though love but this is pretty much only the tough part. Why is she acting like this?

“You’ve been very cranky,” I point out.

She glares at me, powerful enough to kill me on sight. Perhaps when she’s being iffy, I shouldn’t call her out on it. What did I think it would gain me? 

“I’m hung over,” She snaps. 

“We both drank the potion,” I frown. 

“It’s not a magic cure!”

Technically, that’s exactly what it is but it doesn’t do wonders. The head ache is gone and I feel much better but I remain pretty tired. The best cure for a hang-over is still to sleep it off. 

“Can you guys shut up?” A groan comes from Tammie’s bed. “If I had known you were going to be so chatty, I would have left you down in the common room.”

Both our heads turn to the bed. 

“You got us to our beds?”

I already wondered how I get in here. I didn’t know Tammie was strong enough to carry us both to bed by herself. 

“Nora did,” She opens her curtains to look at us. “I helped. She was having a hard time getting you up the stairs herself, you were both piss drunk.”

“We’ll have to thank her,” I nod. “Thanks, Tammie.”

Thank goodness I have good friends. And a very helpful roommate who’s friends with my friends. 

“Did you get Mac to bed as well?” April asks her. 

“No, she was already here when we got up. I think she went to bed quite early.”

“Really?”

Mac loves a good party and in the years, she has always been the last one to leave. How very odd that she went to bed early and has gotten up before us. Perhaps she didn’t feel well. 

“Maybe she’s having breakfast,” April wonders out loud which prompts her to get out of bed and into the bathroom. 

“Are you up, Nora?” I look at the one bed whose curtains are still closed. I get no response though. 

“We got to bed pretty late,” Tammie points out. “When I went to bed, she was still struggling with getting both of you into your pyjamas. April was out cold and you kept whining that you wanted to wear a onesie to sleep in, which you do not own. We checked.”

That sounds almost more embarrassing than what I said to Sirius. 

“I owe you both,” I wince. “I’ll let you guys sleep in.”

“Much appreciated,” She closes her curtains again and falls back asleep. 

April gets ready in record time and somehow still looks presentable. She spends the remaining time rushing me to get ready as well. I still look like I haven’t gotten a good night sleep but at least no longer like a zombie. If no one looks too closely at me, they might not even notice the bags under my eyes. 

Due to last night’s party, I don’t expect to see a lot of chatty people at breakfast. The Ravenclaw table is pretty much abandoned. Out of our year, I only spot Polly feeding bacon to a guy who does look a bit like Sirius. George is basically sleeping in his spot. Me and April might actually be better off. 

However, there are three other House tables in the Great Hall and at one of them, the guy I reminded last night of my very one-sided feelings is having breakfast and definitely noticed me. And he’s beckoning me over. 

“Oh, Merlin,” I sigh to April. “What am I going to do?”

“Are we on this again?” She rolls her eyes at me. 

“Just because you dismiss it, doesn’t mean it hasn’t been eating me up all morning.”

“Fine,” She huffs. “Why don’t you just ignore it?”

“Ignore it?” I frown. 

“You were drunk, he might have been drunk, who says it needs to be addressed?”

“Pretend it didn’t happen?” Her suggestion dawns on me. “Pretend I don’t remember. You think I’m that good an actress?”

“No, I think Black is that stupid.” I give her the stink-eye. “Even if he knows you’re lying, he’ll probably let you get away with it. I can’t imagine he wants to talk about it any more than you do so that feeble lie might just allow both of you to avoid that conversation.”

Huh, that’s not a bad idea. Though lying to my boyfriend should not become a habit, I think it’s best for both of us if we don’t talk about his feelings not matching mine. We both know it, we don’t have to put it into words. 

I make my way over to the Gryffindor table with a heavy heart, ready to give a convincing performance. I slide into the seat in front of Sirius with a big smile. 

“Morning.”

“Here,” He pushes a vial towards me with a frown on his face. 

“What’s that?”

Because if it’s Veritas serum, my acting skill won’t do shit. 

“Hang-Over Potion as I assume you’re hung over.”

“Thanks,” I smile gratefully. “But April already got me one. That’s the benefit of being best friends with a Potion nut. Where did you get that though?”

While Sirius is proficient in pretty much every subject, including Potions, I’m having a hard time believing he spends his free time down in the dungeons brewing non-credited mixtures. 

“While not a Potion nut myself, it pays off when your best mate is dating one,” He flashes a smile at Lily who does not take it as a compliment. She just scoffs and frowns at him. It’s nice when she does that to someone other than me. 

“I already regret getting James that supply,” She admits while James gasps in outrage next to her. “The best cure remains not drinking.”

“Little late for that,” Sirius laughs. 

“And a greasy breakfast does wonders as well, Lena,” She gently pushes the plate of bacon in my direction. 

“Thank you, Lily,” I gratefully take a piece for my own plate.

The boys both gawk at us as though we’re mad. I suppose this is the first time I’ve spoken to Lily since our pretty raw chat in the library and for Sirius and James, the first time they see us interact without glares and rolling eyes. 

“What?” I shrug as though me and Lily have always been on perfectly friendly terms. She repeats the gesture as though she too has no idea what they’re gaping at. 

“How are you feeling?” Sirius stares at me intensely, nearly challenging me to run off. 

“Potion really helped. As does the bacon, thanks for the tip, Lily. I won’t be drinking that much again any time soon.”

“Oh, don’t say that,” James gasps. 

“You were pretty hammered last night,” Sirius nods. “I had to stop you from crashing into the floor.”

“Oh, so you were there last night,” I act. “I thought it was a really weird dream.”

“You don’t remember that?” He frowns at me. 

“I really don’t remember much of last night.”

“Even with the Hang-Over potion?” Lily frowns as well now. 

“Like bits and pieces,” I shrug, lying through my teeth. I’m sure I don’t remember every second but definitely the highlights, like reminding Sirius that he doesn’t love me. “Did we talk?”

As if I don’t know. 

“Yeah,” Sirius nods slowly. “You don’t remember that either?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Anything important I’m forgetting?”

He gives me a contemplating look, probably trying to figure out whether I’m being truthful or not. Obviously I’m not. I really hope he can’t see that on my face though. But the look in his eyes does make me feel like he can see right through my act. 

“Not really,” He eventually shrugs and smiles. “You barely said two sentences before using me as your human pillow.”

Does he believe me? Or did he get drunk as well and actually doesn’t remember? Or, and more likely, is he letting my obvious lie slide because he too doesn’t want to discuss what I said last night in great detail either? Whatever the reason, I got away with avoiding the issue, again. I should probably come up with a long-term solution to not care about him not returning my feelings. 

“That I believe. Apparently I also threw a temper tantrum when Nora and Tammie tried to get me to bed.”

Why did I just tell them that? Sirius’ smirk lets me know I really shouldn’t have and I didn’t even mention the tantrum being about a non-existing onesie. 

“Should not have said that,” I wince. “You forget about that, I’m going to hang with April.”

Now that we’ve established we’re not going to talk about last night, I should go sit with my best friend at the Ravenclaw table. None of our other friends are there, unless you count a snoring George but I’m sure she doesn’t, and I don’t want to somehow sour the already bad mood she been in for the past few days. 

“You’re back quickly,” She notes as I take a seat in front of her. 

“I took your advice and pretended not to remember. He might have caught on but either way we’re not talking about it. Crisis averted,” I beam at her but am only met with a cold stare. 

“Awesome,” She dead-pans. 

“I’m so sorry to bother you with my trivial non-urgent love aches,” I snap at her. 

She gives me a pointed look before sighing and apologising. 

“I’m sorry I snapped, right now and this morning,” She frowns. 

“And yesterday,” I remind her. 

“And yesterday,” She begrudgingly admits. “But to be fair, I think you’re worried about nothing.”

“I am?”

She was the one who pointed out that he didn’t say it back when I said it. I honestly hadn’t realised that before she did, since I was too busy enjoying having him press me against the wall and kiss me. Her making a big deal out of it made me make a big deal out of it. 

“Whether he says it back or not, whether he feels the same or not, you guys will be fine.”

“We will?”

“You’re not the one I’m worried about,” She sighs. 

“Huh?”

There’s plenty to worry about when it comes to me. I’ve always been more subjected to hormonal influences and my own volatile character than the average teenager. April tells me I’m being stupid and irrational a lot more than she does anyone else. 

“It’s a sad day when Sirius Black is the preferred boyfriend of our friend group,” She practically hurls. 

“Euhm, what about Hector?”

I mean, I’m pleased she’s warming up to Sirius, unexpected as the confession is, but I’m pretty sure the one she prefers should be the one she’s dating. 

“I can’t pick my own boyfriend.”

I didn’t know there were rules to this imaginary contest. 

Since she can’t pick Hector, I suppose it isn’t that impressive that it’s Sirius. Nora isn’t dating anyone and- what about Mac’s boyfriend? I’d figure April would choose about anyone over Sirius. 

“What’s wrong with Alexander?” I ask her. 

I have to admit that I haven’t spend much time around the bloke but that’s because he’s usually busy exploring my friend’s mouth and the other half of the time me and Sirius are doing the same. I still see Mac around our dorm plenty of time but I haven’t really gotten to know her boyfriend so far. However, I do know that he’s really into her, even skipped Quidditch practice once so he could hang out with her and Mac’s never really stuck it out this long with a boy before. Also, he didn’t use to harass her and spread nasty rumours about her. I don’t see why he wouldn’t beat Sirius in the race for April’s approval. 

“That’s what’s wrong,” She nods in the direction of the Hufflepuff table behind me. 

I turn around and scour the table until I find Alexander Sheppard sitting at his House’s breakfast table with Mackenzie next to him and surrounded by his friends. I don’t quite see what’s wrong with this picture. 

“He eats breakfast?”

“You don’t see anything wrong over there?” She huffs. 

Okay, I’ll look again. His friends seem to have cracked a joke, since they’re all laughing. So is Alexander. Mac is not. Maybe they’re not funny. 

“She doesn’t appreciate his friends’ humour?” I guess, to which I get a sour look in return. Wrong guess. “She doesn’t like his friends?”

That’s unfortunate but it can happen. That doesn’t make Alexander a bad catch though. 

“You don’t like all of Hector’s friends either,” I frown, remembering that little fact. 

“I don’t dislike them,” She defends herself. “A couple of them are just really immature. I simply don’t like fart jokes as much as they do.”

They do make a lot of fart jokes. Well, as long as she’s cool with Brandon, I don’t think Hector minds much that she doesn’t want to hang out with his friends too often. But Brandon is his best friend, ever since first year. That’s also how long he’s been coming to the Gamps on Christmas break so if they were not cool, I think April would not be getting her Christmas party invitation. 

“But it doesn’t make Hector a bad boyfriend, now does it? Same goes for Alexander.”

“It’s not that she doesn’t like his friends,” She huffs. “It’s that his friends don’t like her.”

“What’s not to like?” I frown. 

I realise that as her friend, I’m a bit biased but Mackenzie’s very likable, I don’t really see how anyone could dislike her. Even Polly, who finds something wrong with everyone, has no issues with her aside from the fact that she’s my friend. 

“I don’t know,” She shrugs, just as clueless as me. 

“Are you sure they don’t like her?”

“Oh, I’m sure. A couple of days ago, I overheard them make this really, really mean joke at her expense. It wasn’t even a joke, it’s just a rude insult. And the worst part? Alexander said nothing!”

“Maybe you misunderstood?” I suggest. 

“There was no room for misunderstanding,” She scoffs. “They were definitely calling her a slut.”

“What?!” I exclaim. “And Alexander let them?!”

“Yeah, so did Mac by the way! Which makes me believe it wasn’t the first time she had to endure comments like that.”

That is awful. I would not stand for Sirius’ friends to call me names and I certainly wouldn’t be still hanging with Sirius if he was cool with them doing that. I’m surprised Mac would put up with it. 

“Why would she not say anything though?”  
“I don’t know,” April shrugs. “But now that I’ve heard that, it explains why she’s been kind of absent lately. I assumed she was just on cloud nine, like you have been. Now I’m thinking she was upset and we didn’t see it.”

“We’re terrible friends!” I gasp. 

How did we not realise something was going on with Mac?

“I wouldn’t call us terrible,” She says. “But we definitely haven’t been on top of our game. I blame the boys.”

I’ve certainly been distracted by Sirius and I suppose my cousin demands a big portion of April’s attention as well. But that is no excuse for dropping the ball like this. Long before boys came into play, Mackenzie has been our dear and loyal friend. It is not acceptable that we don’t continue to return the favour.

“I blame them too,” I sniff. “But no more. What are we going to do about this?”

“We get rid of him,” She shrugs. 

“Like liquidate him?” I gasp. 

“Since when are we the mob? No, like we got rid of Samuel.”

“We didn’t so much get rid of him as much as Mac just came to her sense. Well, got bored to be honest.” I point out. 

“Then lets bring her to her senses.”

Alright. Mackenzie’s a sensible person. That shouldn’t be too hard.


	15. Irksome Intentions

If we’re going to stage an intervention or whatever it is Mackenzie needs at this point, we need to be a united front. Meaning, we have to include Nora in the solution and clue her in on the problem. That evening, Mac hasn’t returned to the common room yet. I suspect that she’s with Alexander and his friends. Now that I know that’s not a good thing, I worry about how she’s feeling, how they’re making her feel. Though it does provide us with the opportunity to drag Nora to a secluded part of the common room. 

“Why are you both frowning?” She asks as soon as we sit down. 

“We came to an unpleasant discovery.” April repeats what she told me this morning but unlike me, Nora does not look that surprised. 

“Did you know?” I ask her. 

“I heard a similar comment before, a few weeks back.”

“A few weeks! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“She told me to butt out.” She says it as though that makes perfect sense to keep silent then. If it had been me, I would have notified April and Nora immediately. Perhaps that’s why Mac usually confides in Nora. No one keeps a secret like she does. 

“Well, it’s not okay and we should let her know that,” April huffs. 

“I’m sure she does,” Nora frowns. “But she can’t make them like her.”

“She can dump Alexander though.”

“She’s not going to do that, she really likes him.”

“How much can she really like a guy who doesn’t stick up for her?”

April is getting very wound up and Nora is frowning at her like she’s speaking nonsense. She’s making plenty of sense to me but maybe that’s just because I buy anything she says as long as she says so passionately. That’s how she got me to confess my feelings to John Kestler in fifth year, convincing me that there was a high probability of him returning my affections when clearly there wasn’t. In hindsight I let her pump me up with delusions, because she’s got the conviction of a future politician. 

“Perhaps we can just let her know that we know and see where her head’s at?” I suggest. 

April looks at me like doing anything non-forceful is a stupid idea and Nora protests to the very notion of bringing anything up. I know Mac told her to butt out but we can’t do that. 

“See where whose head is at?” I hear the voice of the very person we’re talking about come up behind me. 

The three of us turn to Mackenzie with what I assume will be perceived as busted looks. We were kind of talking about her after all. 

“Have a seat,” I gesture to the couch April’s left more than enough room on for an extra person.

Nora is smiling warmly at her, which I suppose is intended encouragingly but I understand the frown Mac gives her in return. Her expression is almost more unsettling than what comes out of April’s mouth. 

“Dump Alexander!” She practically shouts at Mac before her bum’s even hit the couch. 

“Excuse me?” She frowns. 

“We know his friends have been nasty to you,”

“Ho-“

“and he’s done squat about it. Clearly you need to ditch him.”

If I thought Mac would just nod along and quietly insist that she likes him too much for that, then I wouldn’t know her at all. Because of course she was going to give us all a piece of her mind in return. 

“It’s none of your business!” She snaps at us. 

“You’re our friend and that makes it our business!” Of course butting heads with a firecracker like April on this probably doesn’t help much. 

“I don’t tell you what to do in your relationships, you have no right to butt into mine.”

“That’s because we don’t date jackasses!” April scowls before throwing a quick glance in my direction. “Well, Lena’s jackass is an improving work in progress.”

I’ll let that one slide. This is about Alexander, not Sirius. 

“You don’t know Alex enough to talk shit about him like that and expect me to take it seriously.”

“We know he doesn’t stick up for you when his friends call you a slut. I don’t need to know anything more.”

“Butt out, April. I mean it,” Mackenzie grumbles and gives her the death stare. 

“We’re worried,” She glares in return but it doesn’t really sound very heartfelt when she’s spitting out the words. 

“No, you’re not. You just want to dictate what we do with our lives, the way you do Lena and Nora. But it won’t work on me!” Mac storms off to our dorm leaving the three of us in stunned silence. 

After Mac’s outburst, a lot of students are staring at us. I guess we weren’t exactly using our inside voices. 

That could have gone better. I don’t think it could have gone worse. 

“I told you she didn’t want to discuss it,” Nora shakes her head. 

Oh, I know she did but obviously April is past her boiling point already. How does an ‘I told you so’ help? 

“Are we all supposed to know she’s in trouble and just ignore it?!” She snaps. I knew she’d snap. “The two of you were a really big help by the way!”

It was hard to get a word in between them. With the two of them biting at each other, I really didn’t think it was a good idea to put myself in the middle and make it worse. On the other hand, now April’s the bad guy who called her out on it even though we agreed together that it had to be done. 

“Things were said in the heat of the moment,” I try to replicate my mother’s soothing tone when she wants me and Jackson to make up instead of pulling at each other’s hair. I’m ashamed to admit it wasn’t as long ago as it should have been since she last used that trick on us. “I think it’s best if we all calm down.”

“We can’t calm down,” She scoffs. “We have to go talk some sense into her right now!”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Nora frowns and I have to agree with her on that. April is in no way calm enough to make a second attempt at this conversation. 

April continues to glare at us but sort of shrugs after a few tense seconds, so I suppose she agrees it would be a bad idea. 

“Fine,” She rolls her eyes in semi-defeat. “Lena, you do it.”

“Me? Why me?”

I don’t think I really contributed anything to this conversation to prove that I am the person to go up there and calm down a furious Mackenzie. 

“Nora thinks we should just shut up about it so she isn’t going up there and I’m still too mad to have a level-headed conversation. That leaves you.”

“Chosen by default,” I huff. “That doesn’t exactly make me qualified.”

“Will you please just do it?” She continues to snap. 

“You could also just calm down,” I suggest. 

We all know April is the most convincing voice when you need to get something through your thick skull. This is a job for her. 

“I can’t, I’m too worked up.”

“Why is this making you so angry?” Nora asks. 

“Because I care!”

“We care too, but we’re not yelling.”

“Because I just want her to respect herself as much as we respect her,” She sighs. “There are plenty of guys who like Mac, who would worship the ground she walks on. Why does she always pick guys who do the exact opposite?”

Mackenzie was the first out of the four of us who got asked out on a date, the first to kiss a boy, the first to have a boyfriend, the first to have sex. But she was also the first who got her heart broken, the first to be cheated on, the first to have a guy treat her so badly that it made her wonder if maybe she wasn’t worth more. There’s a reason April has been so sceptical when it comes to me dating Sirius. Because she’s seen how Mac has made excuses for guys who clearly weren’t worth her time and I have to admit, when I took the plunge with Sirius, that I was afraid of making the same mistake. 

“Alright,” I nod, getting to my feet. “I’ll give it a try.”

I don’t think she’ll listen to me if she doesn’t want to but I suppose I can still give it a shot. 

I traipse up the stairs slowly, not exactly eager to getting chewed out by Mac and I’m afraid there’s a high probability of that happening. As I get to the dorm, I see no one’s up there but since the curtains on Mac’s bed are closed, I’ve got a good idea of where she might be. 

“I told you to stay out of it!” She huffs from the den of her bed. 

“We don’t really listen,” I shrug helplessly. 

“Lena? I thought you were April.”

“We kind of all agreed that two shouting people together wasn’t the best idea.”

“She started it,” I hear her whine. 

“Can I come in?” I gently push the curtains aside to see her rolled up in a ball on her duvet. She sighs and sits up before motioning to the space next to her. I take off my shoes and settle down on the bed. “No matter how… aggressive her reasoning may come across, she meant well. We all do.”

“I know,” She nods sullenly.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” I ask. 

“Not really,” She shakes her head. 

“So… we’re just going to sit in here in silence?”

That might just be more awkward than the previous yelling downstairs. 

“I know what you’re going to say,” She sighs. 

She does? I don’t even know what I’m going to say. 

“And?”

“And it’s easy telling me I should get out when you’re not in it.”

“True,” I nod. “But it’s also harder to see when you should get out when you’re in it.”

“I know what you’re all thinking and it’s not like that,” She shakes her head. “So his friends don’t like me, that doesn’t mean that he’s not good for me. He is. I really like Alexander and he likes me. Usually with the guys who like me and are sweet to me, I get bored. And the guys who keep me interested are assholes. Alex keeps my interest and dotes on me. He’s exactly what I need.”

“But his friends-“

“Are twats, who think they’re being funny and oh so subtle when they’re poking digs at me.”

“Why put up with it?”

I get that she likes Alexander and having twats for friends doesn’t diminish that. But I would definitely say something about it if it was me. 

“I can’t really blame them,” She shrugs. 

“You can’t?”

If they’re being dicks, you can totally hold them accountable for that. 

“Well, you told me that James has been really cool and supportive about you and Sirius. But what if he wasn’t? What if he really hated the idea of his best friend and his ex-girlfriend together?” To be honest, I think nothing would have happened between us if James hadn’t send him to the Quidditch bleachers months ago. “And what if aside from James, you also dated Remus and Peter before? What if you just ignored Peter without giving him a proper explanation why you don’t want to hang out anymore or you hooked up with another guy behind Remus’ back? Do you really think they’d all still be so cool with you dating their friend?”

I hadn’t really thought about that. Mostly because this hypothetical situation doesn’t apply to me, thank goodness, but it kind of does for Mac. She’s always gotten a lot of attention from guys and to be fair, taken advantage of that. It’s a big castle but it’s a small dating pool. Love interests, past and current ones, are bound to share circles at some point. Me and the Marauders are good proof of that. But so are Alexander and his friends. Because before Mackenzie got with the Hufflepuff Chaser, she made regular visits to the broom cupboard on the third floor with the Hufflepuff Beater. And she went on a couple of dates with William Luther, one of Alexander’s friends, in fifth year. And she did Hyperion Fawsley dirty when she was hooking up with Samuel behind his back. And she did kind of ice Michael Walsh out after they had a terrible date in Hogsmeade. Come to think of it, she has some history with nearly all of Alexander’s friends. That can’t be easy. 

“That’s complicated,” I admit. “But I’d hope that we’d all be mature enough about it.”

I realise I just expressed the hope that Sirius would be mature. Not a word many people would use to describe him with but when it comes to my history with his best friend, that’s exactly what he has been. 

“At first I figured they just thought it was funny and subtle, now they’re just being nasty. Alexander thinks they aren’t being malicious. I disagree but he sides with his friends on this. And I don’t want to whine so much he starts thinking I’m a hassle.”

“This isn’t you being sensitive,” I frown. “If they’re calling you names, even if they play it off as a joke, he should listen to your concerns, and stick up for you. You do know that, right?”

She shrugs, looking a little helplessly, making me think that maybe she really doesn’t know that. I want to remind her that she does but she’s clearly not listening. April was right about Mac not demanding the same kind of respect she would expect us to. 

“So can I hex them?” I ask instead. 

“No,” She laughs. “Trust me, I’ve thought about it but that would hardly improve the situation. My priority is to prove to them and Alexander that I can be a good girlfriend, I don’t have the best track record, you know.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to put up with their shit.”

“I don’t care what they think about me,” She shrugs. “I care what Alexander thinks about me. And I know he has doubts, which are not completely unfounded. I am a bit of a flirt.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It is when I’m trying to have a real, committed relationship. I can’t be flirting with other boys and batting my eyelashes at them.”

“You do that?”

I know she flirts, but I’ve never seen her make doe eyes before. 

“It doesn’t mean anything to me,” She rolls her eyes. “But I know it makes Alexander insecure. So I’m trying to put a distance between me and any other guy.”

“Wait, is that what the party was about?” I remember George telling me she had been acting really weird. 

“Party?”

“Last night, George said you freaked out when he got into your personal bubble.”

“Oh, I might have overreacted a bit. I just.. had a fight with Alexander after the match. He was upset they lost and I tried to cheer him up but it backfired. And he let slip that I get too friendly with other guys. George did nothing wrong but I went all crazy because I don’t want Alexander to have the wrong impression, on top of the issue with his friends.” 

“Dating is hard,” I nod, realising that there really isn’t a quick fix to her concerns. 

“Yeah,” She sighs. “How’s that going for you?”

I thought it was awful that Sirius didn’t return my feelings but this conversation with Mac makes me realise it could be so much worse. The Marauders could hate me. He could let our past come between us. And though he’s made it clear that he doesn’t get jealous, I could be. I get jealous but he hardly ever gives me reasons to be. Sure, he loves the attention and I don’t see that changing any time soon. But he doesn’t actively flirt with anyone in front of me and when that sixth year Gryffindor girl tried to put her hands on him, he smoothly shrugged her off before throwing an arm around my shoulder. 

“Good,” I smile. “I think most of our troubles are in my head.”

Obviously not all of them but maybe I do blow them out of proportion in my own mind after mulling them over too many times. 

“You still freaking out about him not saying it back?” She flashes a small smile. 

“Yes,” I huff. “And last night I made it worse by pointing out to him that he didn’t say it back.”

“Why?” She laughs. 

“I was really drunk. I pretended I didn’t remember this morning, so we’re still not talking about it.”

“That has got to be eating you up inside,” She grins. 

“Why do you say that?” I frown. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Lena, but you’re very emotionally verbal.”

That’s not a thing. 

“What does that mean?”

“You feel it, you say it. You quite literally wear your heart on your tongue. As someone who barely knows how to analyse her own feelings, let alone express them, I do admire that about you. But sometimes you forget that not everyone is like that.”

“What are you talking about? We just spend the last twenty minutes talking about your feelings.”

“Euhm, no,” She scoffs. “We were talking about my worries. Definitely not the same thing. For example, when’s the last time you told someone you loved them?”

“Did you not hear what I said about Sirius?”

“Not necessarily romantically. Any kind of way really.”

“I don’t know,” I shrug. 

I don’t keep count. 

“My guess is yesterday at the party to Hector. You probably blubbered all teary-eyed about how proud you are of him and he most likely thanked you for being super supportive. Then at some point one of you told the other that you love them and the other easily responded in kind. Am I close?”

“Yes,” I nod. I do remember telling him he played so well. He thanked me, said I’m awesome for going along in the tradition for good luck. Indeed said he loves me and I told him I love him back, because I do. 

“I’ve never told anyone I love them. Not any of my friends, not my parents, no one. And that’s not because I’m cold, I just don’t talk about feelings. My family never did, so I never do. I know you and Hector were raised way differently because you’re always spilling your emotions all over the place.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I frown. I never thought talking about my emotions was a bad thing, or even out of the ordinary. But it’s true that Mac never says she loves us. I know she does but I guess I never realised she never really said it. 

“No, not at all. But some people aren’t as in tune with their feelings or eager to express them. As someone who comes from a family that’s all about not discussing them, I can see how Sirius might have more trouble with it than you do.”

I hadn’t really thought about that. I know bits and pieces of Sirius’ home life, prior to moving in with the Potters, and I assume Mr and Mrs Black didn’t exactly instil in him the desire to sprout his feelings all over the place, which apparently is a thing only few people do. Who knew? Him not saying it back, or even acknowledging what it meant to him to hear it from me, made me assume he didn’t feel it back or even entertained the possibility of maybe one day reciprocating. But even if he did, would he tell me?


	16. Brainless Buffers

Mackenzie told us to butt out, and repeated it again once everyone settled down, and even though we don’t like it – April really, really doesn’t like it – we agreed that we can’t decide how she deals with the situation. That doesn’t stop us from still offering her advice. April’s mostly consists of persisting that she dumps Alexander, I just want her to talk to him about how his friends’ antics make her feel. Unfortunately, I’ve come to understand that I can’t push her in this so I’m trying to let it be, no matter how much that’s killing me. 

Now that our attention has been brought to Mackenzie’s uncomfortable relationship with her boyfriend’s friends, I can’t help but let my eye wander to them every time they all sit together. Are they being dicks to her? Is she really smiling or just pretending and actually biting her tongue? Is Alexander rolling his eyes fondly or is he annoyed? I have a lot of questions. 

“Earth to Lena,” Sirius waves a hand in front of my face to catch my attention. It was solely focused on the Hufflepuff table. 

“Huh?” I turn to him and see all the Marauders look at me like they’re expecting a reply. 

“Yes?” I wince, taking a gamble that it might be the proper response to the question they asked. 

“Yes, you think NEWT exams are fun?” James frowns. “I know you’re Ravenclaw but fun? Really?”

“What? No.” I shake my head. 

“Your head is clearly elsewhere,” Sirius looks at me as his friends discuss whatever it was they were talking about before. “Where’s it at?”

At the Hufflepuff table where I can see Mackenzie frowning, she’s definitely uncomfortable. Does Alexander not see that? 

“We spend a lot of time with your friends,” I turn to him. 

“That a bad thing?” He frowns. 

“Of course not, but I figured we should also spend time with my friends.”

“We do.”

“You haven’t spend as much time with them as I have with the Marauders.”

I haven’t been keeping count but I know that’s the truth. Mostly because my friends are always running off, hooking up with their own boyfriend and forming odd friendships with former hostile roommates. Yes, Nora, I’ve seen you hang out with Polly even when Tammie isn’t around. Marauders tend to stick together more tightly, which is why mine and Lily’s strained relationship was so toxic to the group dynamic. But look at us sitting here now, only a few feet apart and being perfectly cordial, dare I even say pleasant. 

“Well, there’s only so many hours in the day I can handle Redmacher glaring me to death. She’s very blatant in her hatred.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” I scoff. We can’t pretend she loves Sirius but she doesn’t hate him either. 

“Right.”

“She doesn’t, her guard is just up.” Way, way, way up. “In fact, just the other day, she paid you a compliment.”

Sort of. She said she’d pick Sirius over Alexander, and that my jackass is improving. Not a popular choice of words for the average compliment but a compliment nonetheless. 

“Really?” He frowns in disbelief.

“Yes. But please don’t make me repeat the words.”

He snorts at that, then glances over at the Ravenclaw table. 

“Do you want to go hang with her right now? Because she’s kind of melting together with your cousin.”

I glance in the same direction to see that the two of them are indeed sitting very closely together, not yet on each other’s lap but surely getting there. The two of them aren’t the most touchy in public, which I’m very grateful for, but that also means that whenever they do, it seems so intimate that I feel like I’m intruding by just being in their vicinity. 

“Let’s join Mac instead,” I jump up and drag him with me to the Hufflepuff table. 

That really was the intention all along. 

I squeeze us both in between Mackenzie and Michael Walsh who were sitting pretty far from one another anyway and beam at the table of surprised people. 

“Hi, guys. Mind if we join?” I smile, not going to let any awkwardness get to me. 

“Sure,” Alexander eventually nods when no one else says anything. 

“Cool,” Sirius nods, clearly not excited about the change of venue. 

“So what were you guys talking about?” I ask, ignoring the looks that Mac is throwing my way. Is she upset that we’re here or is that gratitude in her eyes? Maybe it’s a little bit of both? Man, my friend-reading game is way off these days. 

“The previous Quidditch Match.”

“Oh,” I smile, knowing that this is a topic I can discuss for hours, as I have with George and Hector, but then I realise that it’s not quite the same because I can’t rejoice with these people on the awesomeness that is my House’s team, because these people belong to the House that lost. “Oh.”

Sirius does not come to the same realisation. 

“Oh, Lena, when your cousin made that dive in front of the Hufflepuff Chaser, that guy’s face was so funny. He obviously didn’t expect that. Did you guys see his face?!”

“I can’t really see my own face,” The Chaser sitting across from us replies bitterly. 

Oh, Sirius. That would have been a perfectly acceptable comment at the Ravenclaw table, Hector would have loved that, but not in this company. Use your head. 

“Right,” He sheepishly nods. 

“Well, we were heading off anyway,” They all get up and leave. Only me, Sirius and Mac remain at the table. The latter is glaring at us. 

“What was the plan?” She sighs. 

“I was going to break the ice and be a buffer. Then he happened,” I gesture to the Gryffindor on my right, who was no help at all. 

“In my defence,” He raises his hands in surrender. “You dragged me here.”

“Fine, I guess that’s my bad.”

“Lena,” Mac sighs. “Thanks for wanting to help but I meant it when I told you to stay out of it.”

“But-“

“Please?”

Okay, that’s definitely emotional blackmail in her eyes right now. 

“I didn’t hex them,” I point out. 

“Thanks for that,” She laughs but she still gets up and leaves so I suppose she’s not exactly grateful for my pitiful attempt at lightening the tension. 

“So I know I kind of put my foot in my mouth right there but am I missing something else?” Sirius frowns at Mackenzie’s retreating back. 

“Do you like my friends?” I blurt out. 

This whole time I’ve been thinking about what a big problem it is when your friends don’t like your boyfriend or your boyfriend’s friends don’t like you, in which regard I think we’re good, but there’s one aspect I kind of forget about. Mostly because I don’t understand how anyone could not like my friends. 

“Yes,” He quickly nods. 

“Really?”

Because it’s true that he and April aren’t really hitting it off. 

“I’m really not that good of an actor if it wasn’t the case.” I want to believe that but I also know this is the guy who makes any girl think he’s into them when really he’s not, so he’s probably a better actor than he advertises. “Mackenzie and I have always been cool. Nora’s really nice and even though Redmacher can be a bit of a pain, I have loads of respect for her. Mostly because she puts up with you but she’s a though girl.”

“Alright.”

When he throws in a joke, I know he’s actually being very genuine. Good, me and Sirius have our own set of issues, we don’t need to add Mac’s issues to this relationship as well. 

“Why do you ask?”

“Mac and Alexander’s friends are not getting along, at all. I feel bad for her. I want to help but she says I can’t.”

“And you’re listening because….?”

“Because she flew off the handle when we implied that we wouldn’t. Mac is scary.” In a less obvious way than April but somehow that actually makes her scarier. “I’m not sure I should have told you that. You don’t know anything.”

I just told him because it’s on my mind but maybe she might not like me discussing her problems with him. 

“My lips are sealed,” And just to make it official he presses them to mine. “Can we go back to my friends now? There’s so much less drama there.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to hang with just me?” I gasp. 

“I always want to hang with you,” He smiles but I suppose the prospect of bonding with his mates – as if they need any more of that – is still beckoning as he glances to the Gryffindor table. 

“Go on then. I still wanted to pass by the Library before class this morning anyway.”

“Sometimes, I think you’re perfect but then you go and say things like that,” He shakes his head at me before heading in the direction of his friends. 

I should wipe the silly smile off my face and go find that book on the importance of maintaining the balance of the unicorn’s natural habitat. I get to the Library but waste so much time trying to locate the book, which I don’t find in the end, that I only just make it to Charms. By the time I enter the classroom, there’s only one empty seat at the back of the class. 

Despite sitting in the last row, I still try to pay attention but that’s a bit hard to do when there are two gibberish teenage boys sitting in front of you. I would love to be exaggerating but Sirius and James do transform to gossiping pre-teen girls with larger than life crushes when they are plotting a prank. And they are most definitely plotting a prank. They’re sitting all huddled together and snickering to one another. They seems ridiculous and yet, that is a very enviable friendship. 

I have great friends who are always there for me, whether it’s for a shoulder to cry on or someone to have a great time with. But there’s something very unique about the bond between these two. I’ve heard Sirius refer to James sometimes as a brother, in arms or in a crime, it’s a brother nonetheless, and that’s exactly it. If I could mash one person out of April, Jackson and Hector, with a dash of my other cousin Elias, Nora and Mac, that would be my James. Everyone should have a James, made up out of several people or only one. And to Sirius’ James, I should be grateful. Because Mac was right when she told me that him being so cool about his best friend dating his ex-girlfriend was kind of exceptional. He never made our relationship any harder, in fact, he might just have eased the transition along. And I never really thanked him for it. 

“You’re staring at the wrong boy,” April smiles, standing next to my desk. When did class end? 

“I’ll see you in Herbology, alright?” I tell her before dashing out of the classroom, looking for the boys who already slipped past me. “James, wait up!”

They both stop and turn around to look at me. 

“You’re calling the wrong name, Love,” Sirius teases. 

“I am not. Can I talk to you, James?”

The boys share a look that I can’t decipher the meaning of but I’m sure they had some plans already, probably involving a certain degree of rule-breaking. 

“I’ll see you at the place, for… things,” Sirius tries to be all mysterious before leaving the two of us alone. 

“You want to talk some shit about Padfoot?” James grins widely at me. 

“Maybe some other time. I actually wanted to thank you.”

“For….?”

“It has recently been brought to my attention that friends and exes can really screw up a new relationship, especially if those things were to overlap. Me dating Sirius, after dating you, could have been really awkward, but you’ve been so good about it. I’m grateful for that.”

“You’re thanking me for not being a douche bag?” He frowns. 

“I’m thanking you for giving Sirius your blessing or whatever.”

I don’t know how the conversation went but I’m sure they had some kind of talk about me and Sirius getting together before he even thought of making a move, not counting any actions he undertook under Amortentia. There is no way Sirius would have proposed giving us a chance if he wasn’t 100 percent certain that his best friend was okay with it. 

“My blessing?” He laughs. “You think he asked for that? He just went ‘I might sort of, kind of, like Lena’ and I said ‘okay’. That was that. No blessings were bestowed upon any fine gentlemen.”

Not quite as heartfelt as the chat I had imagined but I suppose it did cover all the bases. James knew what Sirius was thinking and Sirius knew James was okay with it.

“Regardless of what was or wasn’t said, I just wanted to thank you for being so okay with it. Because I am certain nothing would have ever happened between me and Sirius if you weren’t. He would never do anything that could potentially upset you.”

“You might be overestimating our friendship,” He smiles. 

“There is no such thing as overestimating that. You forget that I have seen from your end what he means to you and from his what you mean to him.”

James knew I didn’t like Sirius when we were going out but he insisted that I acted as though he was my best pal because there is also no way anything between us would have happened either if I had been a bitch to Sirius. So I bit my tongue because I knew James would never forgive me if I broke that promise. Any time Sirius provoked me was fortunately overlooked. 

“Perhaps you are underestimating your own importance to Sirius then,” He tells me in all sincerity. ”Which you are. Even if he won’t say it.”

My eyes bulge out of their socket and my mouth falls open. I’m sure of it. 

“He told you about that?” I wince. 

“Do not underestimate our friendship,” He teases.

Oh, Merlin. He told James I said I loved him. Of course he did. And he definitely knows his best friend didn’t say it back. 

“This is mortifying,” I groan. 

“Why?” He shrugs. 

“Are you kidding me?” I glare at him. 

“I think you might be missing what I’m saying here.”

“Huh?”

“Good chat, Lena. Maybe next time we can do with a little less cheese and a little more talking shit. See you around!”

He walks away like this conversation was over. We were still in the middle of it, weren’t we? He said I’m missing what he’s saying. What does he mean by that? 

It will make sense to me, I guess. I might just have to mull it over. I can’t be as stupid as Sirius at figuring things out, can I?


	17. Midnight Mission

Me and Sirius are a match made in heaven, because it took me a ridiculously long time to figure out what James was hinting at, when really, it was quite obvious. Sirius might not tell me how he feels about me, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings for me. It’s the same thing Mac told me but I suppose James might not just be guessing. He knows things. He didn’t tell what the extent of those feelings are because I’m pretty sure Sirius might not even know what they are. Also he’d be pretty damn pissed if his best friend told me what they discussed in confidence. Whether that was an eloquent conversation or just shrugs and ‘okay’s doesn’t matter, James can’t tell me what his best mate told him. But he can definitely hint. And he was hinting that I mean more to Sirius than I know. 

I think he’s right. Mackenzie told me that she doesn’t tell people how she feels either, but rather shows them. So I started paying more attention to what Sirius does instead of what he says. Because he says a lot of stupid shit but it’s usually the way he says something that tells me more about what he means than his actual words. When he tells me I’m the worst with that silly grin on his face, he doesn’t actually think I’m the worst. Quite the opposite actually. 

So he won’t express his feelings but he gives me a hug and a tender kiss on the forehead when he senses I’m upset. He grabs me a second piece of pie when I’m too self-conscious to do it myself. He’s always super honest about his opinions but he bites his tongue, well, tries to, when he thinks it would anger me. He holds my hand, because he likes holding my hand. Sirius Black, who does not ever want to feel like a girl is trying to claim him, holds my hand in public, willingly. Kisses me in public. That one isn’t very rare but fills me with a sort of silly pride nonetheless. Also calls me his girlfriend in public. Very rare. He cares about me. About my feelings and my opinions. He makes me feel important, and that’s something I’ve never had from a guy before. James made me feel second best and John unattractive. I don’t ever feel like that around Sirius. 

I suppose words are just words in the end. His actions make it clear that he cares about me, that I mean something to him. That is more important to me than hearing those three little words leave his lips. 

As I climb the stairs to my dorm at the end of the day, I hear loud voices coming from behind the door. Oh, are they really going at it again? As I enter the room, I see April and Mackenzie throwing each other fierce looks. For the past few days, they’ve been… fighting isn’t the right word for it because it’s been too kind for that. Heated advice? Is that a better term? 

“I’m just saying, you deserve better. There is better out there,” April says, trying to sound as gentle as she can when she is once again dissing Alexander in front of his girlfriend. 

“I disagree,” Mac huffs. 

“Only because you don’t know what a good boyfriend would be.”

Treading on dangerous ground there. 

“Well, we can’t all have a Hector Gamp who thinks you’re the best invention since Magic,” She rolls her eyes.

“He does have a brother,” April suggests. 

Terrible idea. Hector might worship the ground his girlfriend walks on, that is not how Elias does things. He flirts a little left and right without committing to anyone. He says he doesn’t want to at this point, which he has every right to do. But would make a terrible match for Mackenzie, who’s very flirty as well but is trying to commit. Also, there are other dateable wizards out there, who are not related to me. 

“Not everyone has to date my family,” I frown at them as I approach my trunk to pull out my pyjamas and change for bed. 

“Then we’d be one big happy family,” Mackenzie switches gears and teases me. “What do you say, Nora? I take the hot cousin, you take the brother?”

Nora, who was sitting on her bed, flipping through a magazine, winces. 

“Jackson is cute, I suppose. But, euhm, no. That’s your little brother.”

Agreed!

“Didn’t stop her from getting with my little cousin,” I point towards April who grins at me. 

“Oh, there is nothing little about Hector.”

Ieuw! The comment leaves all three of them in stitches and me with a bad feeling in my gut. Why? There was no need to make it nasty. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to shove needles in my brain now so I can forget you ever said that,” I hurl. 

I quickly turn away to crawl into my bed. The curtains around my four poster bed are already closed and I am so ready to slip into that cocoon and enjoy a good night sleep. I am beat. I slightly open the curtains, just enough to slide in my bed, only to come to the conclusion that the space is already occupied. 

I blink stupidly at Sirius, lying on my bed, in my girl dormitory, in the Ravenclaw Tower, smirking at me as though we agreed to meet up here in the evening. This was definitely not scheduled in my planning for the day. 

I let him pull me into the bed while I pretty much continue to gawk at him. 

“What are you doing here?” I mouth at him, not wanting to alert my dorm members that we have a visitor. 

“I thought you’d appreciate a surprise visit,” He beams at me. 

Did he not understand why I was mouthing instead of yelling it out? Oh, Merlin, they will tease me about this. April will have a lot more nasty comments to make as well. But as I wait for them to question where the male voice came from, the only thing I hear from outside the curtains is the bustle of girls getting ready for bed. Did they not hear him? He wasn’t even trying to whisper. 

I throw him a questioning glance to which he just rolls his eyes as though I asked a stupid question. 

“I’m a wizard, Lena.”

Yes, I knew that. But – oh. Noise-cancelling Charm of course. I don’t actually know that one but I’m not surprised my troublemaker does. 

Now that I realise none of the girls in the nearby beds will realise that I’m not alone in mine, I settle down to sit next to him. 

“What are you doing here?” I repeat. 

He’s not unwelcome but still very much unexpected. If he was going to continue with the nightly visits he started while under Amortentia, I’m sure I would have noticed much earlier. 

“I was in the neighbourhood and I figured I’d drop by,” He shrugs with a cheeky grin on his face. 

“You were in the neighbourhood?” I repeat, not believing that. “You just happened to be in the Ravenclaw Tower?”

He’s not supposed to be here. Whether that is to visit me or some other reason. 

“Yes,” He simply nods. 

That can’t bode well for any Ravenclaw. He and James were acting very suspiciously and clearly up to something. Is our tower the setting to their next prank? 

“Is James here as well?”

He’s obviously not in my bed as well but perhaps Sirius’ partner in crime is lurking around close by. 

“This was more of a solo mission.”

So definitely a prank. 

“Am I going to have to watch out where I go?” I question. If he’s setting up a prank here somewhere, I would appreciate a heads up.

“Not unless you spend a lot of time in the boy dormitory.”

“Not really,” I shrug. “So your poor victims are of the male variety?”

“Of the singular variety as well.”

“And what has this single male Ravenclaw done to deserve becoming the object of your joke?”

The Marauders pull pranks, and sometimes innocent bystanders get caught in the crossfire. I have been that innocent bystander, I’ve also been a clear target. For him to be here for one specific person, they must have done something to draw a bull’s eye on their back. 

“He knocked over a first year Gryffindor, called her a variety of names and threatened to hex her if she ever did it again. The girl was a blubbering mess. Now, I don’t consider myself to be the protector of whiny first years but this guy deserves a lesson.”

“I’d like to think higher of my house members,” I frown. 

“Let’s just assume it’s one rotten apple. Thank goodness I’m here for justice.”

“What a hero,” I smile at him. 

“Deserving of a kiss, wouldn’t you agree?” He smirks. 

I untangle my crossed legs to get out of my sitting position and slide down my duvet to lie down next to him, face to face. I flash him a smile before pulling myself closer to him and giving him that requested kiss. He places his hand on my hip to drag me closer to him as well, his other hand digging itself in the hair at the nape of my neck. Oh, I really love it when he does that. 

Kissing Sirius is one of my favourite things to do, and never ceases to give me figurative goosebumps. We’ve also perfected it to an art, what with all our make-out sessions. Even though there has been some groping and skin-to-skin contact during out ‘meetings’ in empty classrooms and broom cupboards, it hasn’t gone beyond that. Mostly because those don’t seem like a proper place to lose my virginity. Also because it’s a big step to take, one I’ve never really been inclined to take before Sirius. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought of going there with him but the opportunity to talk about doing that hasn’t really arisen yet. Which is why I am so conscious of the fact that we are kissing, quite heatedly, in a bed. With his body pressed so closely to my pyjama clad one, getting me all hot and bothered. As we can’t exactly do more in my dorm, with all the other seventh year Ravenclaw girls lying a few feet away, I have to pull back. 

Sirius crunches his eyebrows a little before opening his eyes and staring at me, in that intense way he does sometime. I stare back, and sometimes I worry he can see everything I feel and think on my face. Mac wasn’t wrong when she said that when I feel something, I have to say it. But also when I feel something, I think it might show on my face as well as in my words. I love Sirius. And it’s okay if he can’t say it back, it finally really is, but I suppose I can’t say it again either. Because I don’t want to make him feel self-conscious about it, nor do I want make things awkward when there is no reply. But I do feel it, so very strongly, that I’m sure he can see it on my face. 

“I must say,” Sirius breaks the silence. “That I much prefer your summer sleep attire to your winter’s.”

Right. Last time he snuck into my dorm, I was wearing big flannel pyjamas, the kind kids also wear. Now that the nights aren’t as cold anymore, I just sleep in a tank top and shorts. Of course he prefers that, it shows more skin. 

“Shocking,” I roll my eyes at him. 

“We should have pyjama sleep overs more often,” He smirks at me seductively. 

“You can’t spend the night here,” I frown. “They might not realise you’re here now but they will in the morning.”

Nora has the bad habit of poking her head through all the curtains to make sure we’re up in time to make it to breakfast before class. Super sweet of course but quite the nuisance when your harbouring a boy in your bed. 

“I’ll be long gone by then,” He assures me. “I’m only staying a little while longer, just until you fall asleep.”

“You’re watching me sleep now? That’s not creepy at all.”

“Just go to sleep, Lena,” He laughs softly. “I promise I won’t make it creepy.”

“Okay,” I snuggle a little closer into the crook between his shoulder and my pillow. 

“Hey, what did you and James talk about?” He asks. 

“I thanked him,” I mumble. 

“For what?”

“Not being a douchebag,” I yawn. 

“You never thank me for that,” He questions.

“That’s because sometimes you are a douchebag.”

“You say the sweetest things, Lena,” He huffs. “You’re obviously tired. Goodnight, love.”

“Night, Sirius,” I whisper before the warmth of his presence makes me fall asleep. 

True to his word, he’s not there in the morning and my dorm members are none the wiser. The only thing they say to me is to get my lazy ass out of bed, no mention of any midnight visitor. 

Despite them dragging me out of bed, I still find myself with Nora waiting in the common room on Mac and April. Number one needs a lot of time in the bathroom in the morning so there’s no surprise there. And number two spend so much time turning her trunk upside down to find one very specific sock that she now has to clean it all up. She can’t leave behind a messy dorm, it will ruin her entire day. 

“Girls,” George comes down the stairs from the boys’ dorm with an unnaturally large smirk on his face. “Don’t laugh.”

“Don’t laugh at what?”

George does not have to explain any more because it’s quite clear as soon as one of his dorm members comes down the stairs behind him. I understand not looking your best early in the morning but this is a whole other level. What happened to make his skin so red, a lobster would be jealous of the shade? And the hair! It’s… well, obviously blue. But different shades all mashed into one like a very bad crayon box melted together. John Kestler looks ridiculous. And even though George told us not to laugh, I can’t do that. The fact that John is so very obviously upset about his new appearance, cracks me up even more. 

Nora gasps next to me though she can’t help but make it sound like a laugh as well. I’m practically swallowing my own hand to stop the laugh from coming out but I am not successful. The snorts are making their way out. John does not appreciate it and glares at me so viciously as though I’m to blame for his skin and hair. 

“So it’s noticeable, huh?” George jokes. 

“Euhm,” I try to disguise my laughter as a cough but I don’t think it’s believable. “Kind of, yeah.”

“What happened?” Nora asks. 

“I woke up like this,” John grumbles angrily. “I’ve tried every spell, it won’t go away!”

We get interrupted by someone coming down the girls’ stairs, calling out to us.

“April says not to wait. She’s having a clean-up freak-out and I’m not missing breakfast for – Holy crap! What the fuck is that?!” Mackenzie burst out laughing as soon as she lays eyes on John, not having our decency to at least attempt to hold it in. Her laughter is making it very hard to keep a straight face though and the snorts start up again. I just can’t help it. 

John is not amused and storms out of the common room, leaving the three of us in a fit of giggles. It’s impossible to look at that and not laugh. Even though I know John does not appreciate me making fun of him – we’re cool but we’re not that cool – how could he hold this against me?

“I don’t need to know how that came to be,” Mac laughs hysterically. “But I have to watch the Great Hall’s reaction.”

The four of us make our way to breakfast to watch John’s entrance enfold over there. 

“Just a head’s up, Lena,” George says to me as we follow behind Mackenzie and Nora. “He thinks it’s you.”

“Wait, what?” I gasp. “He thinks I made him into a red-blue cotton candy?”

I wouldn’t even know how. Also, I have no reason to pull a prank like that on John. Sure, we pretend like we’re friends because our friends are friends and it’s a small group of seventh year Ravenclaws. But any animosity I might have felt towards him in the past is long gone. I thought that was clear. 

“Well, not necessarily that you did it. But when it comes to pranks, and this is a pretty good one, four notorious Gryffindors automatically come to mind. Gryffindors you’re close with.”

Obviously, he wouldn’t be wrong in that assumption. Pretty sure this is the reason Sirius happened to be in the Ravenclaw Tower last night, but I had nothing to do with it. He didn’t tell me what he was up to and he certainly didn’t do it upon my request. 

“He believes I asked the Marauders to do that?”

“There’s not really any other reason for them to target John, is there?” George shrugs. 

“I didn’t,” I clarify. 

“I believe you. I’m just not sure John does.”

I wished I cared about what John thinks but since he’s the kind of guy to apparently yell at an innocent first-year, I can’t be all too bothered by his opinion. It does give me a petty kind of glee to see him scowl under all the stares he gets from our fellow students once we get to the Great Hall. Even if I had nothing to do with it, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy this. John’s ego most likely won’t even suffer from this hit. 

If I still doubted that Sirius was the culprit responsible for John’s fire-red skin and atrocious blue hairdo – I really didn’t – the victorious smirk on his face as he watches the commotion from the Gryffindor table is pretty much a confession. He could at the very least pretend to be clueless. 

I wait for John to no longer be glaring in his general direction before joining Sirius at his table. 

“So,” I address him while buttering up my toast. “You didn’t mention that the single male Ravenclaw was Kestler.”

“Didn’t I?” He pretends as though not revealing the identity hadn’t been a conscious decision. 

“No, you didn’t.” I shake my head. “Did he really do what you said he did?”

John’s a dick but is he the kind of dick who threatens tearful first-years? I’ll believe it if Sirius swears it happened. I’m just no sure something like that had to happen for him to want to pull a prank on John. 

“He did run into a first year and he was an ass about it. But it might have been more visually clear on his face more than in his actual words.”

“So he just frowned?”

“In a very insulting way.”

I’m starting to think this was not about a first-year. As Sirius said himself, he’s not eager to profile himself as the protector of whiny eleven-year olds. That’s more James’ style. I can only come to one other conclusion, even if it does make me seem a bit conceited. 

“I thought you didn’t get jealous.”

“I don’t,” He scoffs, still so adamant that the feeling is and will always be foreign to him. Like jealously would make him ugly. “I just don’t like it when he acts like someone else’s feelings don’t matter.”

That’s what I told him, about me, about my feelings. This is about me. 

“Really?” I smile. 

“The first-year’s feelings,” He frowns. “That’s what I mean.”

“Of course,” I nod, knowing damn well we aren’t talking about a younger student here. But I suppose we can pretend that we are. “I’m sure they really appreciate you sticking up for them, even though you really didn’t have to hex Kestler for it.”

“I didn’t hex him. The hair is done with a potion and the itchy red skin is a pretty big side-effect of the magical bed bugs I hit in his dorm bed,” He tells me gleefully, obviously proud of his own handiwork. 

I let him go on about how he managed to get the bugs there in the first place and how Lily unknowingly gave him the idea of slipping a very specific potion into John’s shampoo bottle. He really doesn’t have to say it out loud, his actions do speak louder. Petty as they may be, they clearly come from the heart.


End file.
